My girlfriend broke up with me and for a day we barely talked then she asked me to dinner and I went she said she wants to work on things after I told her we either work on things or I'm gone for ever. Now she says she doesn't know if she wants to be with me and says she just needs to figure it out. I love her with all my heart and need advice on what to do

Let her know how you feel, and that you are more than willing to work on the relationship with her. Then tell her that because you love her, you are going to give her some space and time to figure out what she wants because ultimately you want her to be happy. Then do just that.

It isn't easy by any means, but it is all that you can do.

I just asked her if she even wants to work on things and she said she doesn't know... then I told her she needs to be honest and tell me what's going on I feel like I'm losing my mind

So sorry that you are going through this. She may truly not know what she wants, and needs some time to think it through... or she may be leaning towards ending things and doesn't want to hurt you.

Again, tell her that you love her and would like to work on it, but that you are going to give her some space to figure out what she wants. Then don't contact her for awhile. Do your best to keep busy with your friends and family or focusing on work, school, hobbies, etc.

I know you want answers now. Maybe she will respond to your last request with more information, but don't push it.

Her response was just that she doesn't know and it seems like everyday she texts me less. She know how bad I want us to work and she's always said that she doesn't play games but I feel like I'm being led on

I don't know what may have happened to cause the break-up to start with or if the things you feel need to be worked on are pretty serious or not. Perhaps it is just a lot of little things that have added up and have caused her to rethink the relationship.

Since she knows quite well how you feel, now it would be best to leave it alone. Start to distance yourself. Go out with friends and keep busy. You will likely know soon enough if things are going to work out or not.

You won't be able to totally put it out of your mind of course, but if you can keep busy much of the time, it can help you not to dwell on it and keep playing it over and over in your head. That only causes you to feel worse.

That's the thing will I know soon enough? Because it feels like if I leave it alone and distance myself what if she just never talks to me again? Or is it guaranteed

If she doesn't talk to you again then you will have your answer right there. If she decides that she does want to work on things, she will let you know.

You could give yourself a time limit if it helps. For example, if you don't hear from her in two weeks, you will assume it is over. You might even let her know that. It would be unfair of her to leave you hanging without some sort of time frame... tell her that. You are giving her the space to sort out her thoughts and feelings, but you would like her to let you know one way or the other by a specific time. That is not an unreasonable request.

It shouldn't take her long to decide... she either wants to be in a relationship with you or she doesn't.

If it comes down to it, you may have to be the one to make the decision and end the relationship if she continues to be stagnant. It would hurt, of course, but at least you would be able to start healing and move on.

In your opinion do you think I'm being led on?

I really don't know. She may indeed be confused by how she feels. It may be that whatever caused the break-up to begin with is weighing on her mind and she is wondering if she can get passed it or if she even wants to try. Maybe there have been several little things in the relationship that have given her cause to rethink things. I have no idea. You might.

Is this a relatively new relationship or have you been together for a long time? What you decide to do may also depend on just how serious of a relationship it was. She may be a great girl, and you may have had some fun times together, but just how serious was it and was it serious enough to torment over it and give it time?

It is possible that she is hoping you will just end it and make it easy on her.

It is far too easy to assume what she may or may not be thinking... and you could be correct with your assumption or you could be wrong.

Until she actually tells you, you will either have to wait it out for a time or decide if you are willing to wait and, if so, for how long before you make a decision on what you want to do next.

You could tell her to take some time to sort out her feelings and to let you know when she makes a decision. Maybe give it a time limit. Then you start to move on.

If, at some point she does contact you, you can then be the one who decides whether you want to work things out or if you have moved on already.

Well we've been together a year and our relationship was pretty serious as in wanting to get married and kids we both agreed on. What started the break up is that in the beginning she cheated on me with a guy and we moved on then recently I saw her txt him and got upset about it and that's when I said I was done but later changed my mind saying I wanted to work on things and that's how I wind up here with her saying she doesn't know. (Also for reference the guy she cheated on me with now lives in another state so I'm not worried about him)

It may be possible that she is just rethinking even wanting to be in an exclusive relationship. Perhaps she still has feelings for this person or just wants the opportunity to be able to date different people.

You could just break it off again and let her know to take some time. Then, if she does contact you again, you decide if you want to restart things or not.

Well she says she wants to spend all Monday with me and just talk about us. Is this a good idea?

Sure, why not. Maybe you will get an answer. Maybe she will be able to share what has been on her mind. Hopefully you will come away knowing what your next move will be... either work at the relationship, or move on.

Yea that's exactly what I'm thinking. You maybe on to something too because the other day I was on her computer and went into her pics and she still has pics of that guy shirtless :(

Ouch! That is not cool. Every trace of him and that fling really should have been history.

See how it goes Monday. At the very least, I hope you get some sort of closure to this frustration of not knowing.

Yea so do I. And do you think that means anything like there's more going on than I know? When it happened she said she was just drunk and it just happened and she was sorry so I let it go then months later I found out after she promised she would never talk to him again that she went and saw him behind my back. Once again I let it go but should I bring this up to her and what do you think if this?

I'd just wait and let her talk. Until that time, do your best to keep busy.

Yes have your talk but you better be listening more than you talk, because its not that she needs to know how you feel, but its you who need to know how she feels. Even though she has agreed to your future plans its fairly obvious she isn't sold on it, and I suspect she is looking for a way out. Hence the cheating, and that's something that's a red flag, and cannot just be ignored or passed over.

I know nothing of your backgrounds, but when your female doesn't know about what you ask of her, then for sure she has things on her mind that she is reluctant to share with you but I think she is weaning herself and creating distance for better options other than you.

While you are greatly distracted by your own feelings, and wants, you have paid little attention to her needs and wants. I honestly think this other guy dumped her, and now she feels guilty, and stuck with no other options other than stay with you. I have no doubt you are a good guy, and have tried to be a great boyfriend, and its not your fault you failed to see her feelings have changed, at least they are not what they were, but she isn't leading you on, she is taking what she needs from you. Like a band aid, or emotional tampon to help her heal a hurt.

But she is definitely changing the nature of the relationship, so she has space, and keeps you in her life until she is strong enough to be honest, and seek her freedom. Why do I say this? Because all cheaters have a selfish need to take what the want, and put the feelings of others, and the consequences of their actions dead last.

She is having trouble with being honest, so yes have this talk, but I hope you are a good listener, and let her talk. Then you will have your answers(?), and can plot a course forward that works for you, even if it doesn't work for her. You may not even have that choice, and I really hope I am wrong.

One thing I am right about, is she is hiding something you need to know. That's usually fear, of what, I am not sure.

That she cheated, whether drunk or not, is one thing. Then several months later, she saw him again. Now you find out that she has recently sent him a text and still has pics of him on her computer.

You've been together a year and she has stepped out at least twice that you know of.

Personally, I don't think I would even stay in the relationship no matter how much I loved her.