I'm in a long distance relationship, I'm 21 and he's 25. We've been together for 4 years and talk a lot about getting married and living together after I graduate.
The problem is that he contacts me less often then I'd wish to. Very often he doesn't respond to my emails for a couple days, even up to a week! He says he works hard and is too busy and too tired to write. He indeed works a lot so I understand he doesn't call me 5 times a day etc, but he works at the office, sitting all day in front of a computer and I kind of think if he really loved me he'd always find time to contact me and that would be a pleasure for him after a hard day.

When we meet everything is different, we have great time together and he's the most loving and caring person in the world so I don't understand his behaviour when he's away. What should I think about it?

Aiko, your still in school, so please understand that what he is saying and doing is quite normal. If he doesn't return an e-mail for a couple of days or a week, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

He is trying to build a career. Men are not like women in a lot of ways as I am sure you are aware. One thing they have a hard time doing is multi-tasking. While he is at work, he is totally focused on his job. Being in school, you have a lot more free time than he has.

Think about it this way, when you are really buckling down and studying really hard for a test, don't you hate it when someone interrupts your train of thought? That is kind of like what he is going through every day for 8 hours a day. It drains you and makes you tired.

It is just the normal course of life for someone who works really hard. It doesn't mean he doesn't think about you. He probably wants to be able to be focused on you and the relationship you both have, when he speaks to you by phone or e-mail. He doesn't want to be distracted when he is talking to you and he doesn't want to be distracted when he is working. If he is distracted when he speaks or e-mails you, you would be upset. If he is distracted at work, his bosses would be upset and he could get fired.

Please try to be a little easier on him, and on yourself. You have been together for 4 years and it sounds like he does love you. You will fully understand how working every day to pay your rent and bills works once you are in that position yourself.

I hope this helps ease your mind a bit.

So, he just hasn't written me for a week again and I decided to have a talk. I tried to do this in a calm way, wrote a long email saying that I miss him and that I'm sad when he doesn't write me in a long time and that I wish I had better contact with him. I wrote it 2 days ago and he didn't even reply yet... Even tough I know he logged on some other silly websites so he had time to actually surf the net...

I am so confused... I love him and he tells me he loves me too, he has no reasons to lie to me. So anybody has an idea why is he acting this way? I understand being busy but writing an email or having a short phone call takes 5-10 minutes. If he can't find 10 minutes a day for me, can I really believe he loves me?

I think the distance between you 2 is killing the flame as well, because guys tend to need physical caress from their girl, and if he was really into you, he would make it a priority to call you at least once, it just doesn't make sense to me to not find ANY time to contact you at allll, seriously, guys like pursue and it doesn't seem like he's trying to pursue you or keep you around, read the book "he's just not the into you" it's awesome