How do I win my girlfriend back?
I'm at a loss with what to do with my relationship.
Yahoo answers... had no answers. With childish replies to something that is literally tearing me up.
I seen some of the replies given here so I thought I would give it a shot here and hope to find a well rounded answer to my problem.
So this is pretty long... If you read it, I thank you in advance.
I've know my girlfriend for seven years now, we were best friends for 4 of those years and I fell in love with her, I was there for her when she needed me to be and everything in between, I was there. We live quite far apart (living in the UK and she is 90miles from were I am originally from) so when we started dating it was hard not being able to see each other. We finally met and it was perfect. The sex was incredible and all we did was smile and laugh and have fun. When she first held my hand butterflies erupted inside of me; it was incredible.
After we first met, her father was against us. Simply because, and I quote this from the man himself "He is a fat B45tard and your thin and pretty, so you two shouldn't date". I have never been really confident about my weight but I didn't think that it would have got in between a relationship. Luckily it didn't. Unfortunately her dad started being abusive to her, hitting her. Some people call us stupid and crazy for this and both of our families were strongly against it. But we proved them wrong.
We spent 6 months being homeless. Not in the literal sense, but we went from place to place all the while looking for a place to call our own. We stayed at friends places, a hotel for a few weeks and got ourselves student accommodation until we found out that the person that put up the ad about the place ripped us off and we were not allowed to live there. And finally a guest house for a month until we finally got ourselves a flat round were she used to live.
Throughout all of that, she revealed to me that she had gotten raped by the person that owned the last guest house we stayed out. Of course I was distraught. But I wasn't going to let it get between us. She slipped into a psychotic breakdown shortly afterward. The stress of being raped, losing her dad even though he hit her and the rest of her family that thought she was lying. On top of the stresses of having to pay the bills and living alone away from family for the first time. I don't blame her. If I wasn't driven by the thought of keeping her safe I probably would have done the same.
This breakdown became violent. She started screaming and screaming some nights and some nights threatened suicide. To think that the girl I love was wanting to end her life is something no person should have to come to terms with dealing with. There was one time, out of frustration, were I was late for work and she was having another breakdown. I spun my keys off my finger and by accident, they hit her in the eye. Needless to say for a while she blamed me, but we got past that incident. I still blame myself for that and I feel awful for not handling her breakdown better. But what's happened, happened. "The past is practice."
Fortunately her breakdown went away and we became perfectly happy again, everything seemed perfect. Until she started to become cold with me in bed. She always has her back turned to me at night and when I tried to make advances, the usual excuses came up. We used to talk for hours while cuddling in bed and then we kissed and one thing led to another. But it became apparent that she didn't want that any more. I started to think that it might be me, although she swore that she still loved me and still found me attractive. The bombshell hit thereafter and she told me she was asexual on account of her getting raped. This obviously was a huge blow to our relationship. But once again I saw past that and just wanted to be with her. I still gotten butterflies from when we held hands. That's also not saying we didn't have sex on occasion. But she made it perfectly clear that she was asexual.
The three year mark hit and that's when I got lost. I promised myself when we first got together that in three years I would be able to provide for her in a sense that we would have money saved up for nice things she wanted or a trip, something like that. When that three year mark hit, I realized that I had let myself down by not doing so, I let her down and more importantly; let our relationship down. For three months I kind of concluded into myself. Keeping out anyone and spiraled into a state of depression. That was wrong of me, I see that now. I should have counted my losses and still of been there for her. But I was stupid enough to let my promise of being able to provide for her get in the way of our relationship.
Consequently, she became involved in another man. In an emotional sense, I kind of lost her. Then we broke up and she started "seeing him" in a way. They weren't technically going out. But the feelings for him were there for her.
Some of you may call me weak. Some of you may call me spineless. But the thought of losing her as a girlfriend is devastating and losing her as a friend even more so. I couldn't of dealt with losing them both at the same time. So I wanted her to stay with me in the apartment. As friends.
You must understand above all... I just want her to be happy.
This guy she was seeing has messed her about, sending her these love messages and then telling her he doesn't want a seriously relationship. She is devastated, but because her mind was in the "courting period" of a relationship he didn't want; she is still infatuated with him.
She missed the feelings of being close to someone and in my opinion all she wants is that back. But I messed it up by becoming depressed and secluded the last few months of our relationship.
She says that because of our history and all the reminders of the past in our relationship that she doesn't know if she could take me back. And since losing her I have realized how precious she is to my life and how much I couldn't bare to exist without her. I'm agnostic and I began praying for a second chance. I wouldn't do that unless I loved her.
How do I show her I have changed?
How do I prove to her that if we got back together it would be like the old times because of my realization when we split up?
How do I get her back?
If you have read all of this then I thank you for listening, even if you don't help or answer my question, writing this out has been very healthy for me to do. And you have read the basics of our 3 year relationship. All the ups and downs of it, everything we have been through. I hope she doesn't just dismiss it.
But if you do have an answer / advice / or an opinion on what I should do;
Please help. I just want those butterflies back.
Thank you.
