My husband is being refused visits with his daughter because the mother whom is the primary caregiver is putting her in all sorts of things that fall on my husbands weekends we are in the middle of a modification of custody case and she is looking bad and I am sure doing this doesn't help but she thinks that since the child just turned 12 that she has the right to not come on these weekends the child doesn't really want to miss her visits it is just the mother using the child's age as a way to keep her from my husband because she knows that, that is the only way she can hurt my husband is by keeping her from coming. All contact has been cut off with the child no email Facebook texts or phone calls all we have had are visits and now she is trying to stop that. What can we do and does the child being 12 give her mom right to refuse the visits? We feel that the visits should remain in place unless there was a clause stating in the custody agreement that once the children reach a certain age they shouldn't have to go.

The mother is lying and just doing it because you have allowed it to happen. So when do you take her to court for contempt ? Have you filed in court yet, if not why ?

This would be the first weekend refused so no we haven't filed contempt yet
She has already informed us of weekends to come being refused. The modification of custody is being continued again until school is out for summer break. She says that her attorney told her since the child was 12 she could decide. We don't feel an attorney would tell his client to refuse visits especially in the middle of a custody case.

No, most likely she is going to say you never showed up for the visits, child sitting there and you don't show up, and child will testify to the fact they waited for you also.

If it is your time to have visit, go to where you are suppose to be, to pick the child up, and get the refusal in person, document it on video if you need to.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

No, most likely she is going to say you never showed up for the visits, child sitting there and you don't show up, and child will testify to the fact they waited for you also.

If it is your time to have visit, go to where you are suppose to be, to pick the child up, and get the refusal in person, document it on video if you need to.

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She is in Soccer and she has been doing this for the last 4 years we have dealt with it for a long time and we told her after the first year we weren't doing it anymore because they live an hour away she wants us to pick her up on Fridays normally and take her to an hour soccer practice then drive another hour back home by then its 8:30 then we have 3 other kids that we have to get in bed to be back up at 7:00 to have her to her soccer games on Saturday morning we have to be there by 9:00 and then the game by time we get home its 1:00 and most times we would much rather go do something like fishing or camping or something as a family instead of sitting at a soccer game so we have told the mother over and over don't put her in anything that conflicts with the weekend visitation at one point she has said come pick her up at noon on Saturdays after her game and keep her till Sunday at 6:00 my husband still doesn't feel its fair to him that we would get a short weekend if we did it that way when she always gets her full weekends with my step son that lives with us. If she were to ask us to pick her up on Saturday should we do it would it make it look like we are agreeing that its okay to do it that way when we obviously don't like it and have made it very clear for years now. This is nothing through school or anything it is through their local YMCA all the programs she puts her in there are on Saturday we know there is other things that she could put her in that don't conflict with the weekend she just chooses not to because she like being able to refuse him time with his daughter

We're not the people you have to convince. You have to convince a Judge that this is the case.

If she's not complying with a Court Order go back to Court. One problem is going to be that apparently you have lived with this situation (and I understand everything can't always be a battle) for a long time without complaint.

A hour drive ? And you refuse your child because driving is not easy. Sorry here in Atlanta, often ballet or soccer or karate to be in the right school is perhaps 45 min drive by choice.

Now it sounds more like you don't want to take her because she is more bother

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

A hour drive ? and you refuse your child because driving is not easy. Sorry here in Atlanta, often ballet or soccer or karate to be in the right school is perhaps 45 min drive by choice.

Now it sounds more like you don't want to take her because she is more bother

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I understand but it's 10 minutes from her moms house and I'm talking about making the trip on Friday and Saturday 4 hours both days back and forth and we have even offered to pay for her to be in something that doesn't interfer with the weekend visits

Re read what Judy said. You have a court order. The court order states when your husband has visitation. You tell the mother you can understand an occasional event may come up and you will work with her. But if she is not ready for her scheduled visits then you will file for contempt of court.

However, I have to say this, a mother cannot force the child to go for visits. The parent has to have the child ready, but doesn't have to force the child into the car if she doesn't want to go. The court will take a 12 yr old's feeling into account.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Re read what Judy said. You have a court order. The court order states when your husband has visitation. You tell the mother you can understand an occasional event may come up and you will work with her. But if she is not ready for her scheduled visits then you will file for contempt of court.

However, I have to say this, a mother cannot force the child to go for visits. The parent has to have the child ready, but doesn't have to force the child into the car if she doesn't want to go. The court will take a 12 yr old's feeling into account.

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Yes, I know that they can not force them but she wants to come she doesn't really want to play soccer and feels that she has to do it only because her mom signs her up for it but at this point the child has even told the mother and the father she doesn't want to play and feels her mother is only trying to make her case look good for court by making it look like she does all these things she has been doing lately truthfully we don't know how she affords it only working part time at walmart along with her other bills probably tax money and time will tell I appreciate all you guys and the input. I'm glad they will take a 12 year olds feelings into account because she wants to live with us and wants to be able to talk to the judge.

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Originally Posted by jhender114

Yes, I know that they can not force them but she wants to come she doesn't really want to play soccer and feels that she has to do it only because her mom signs her up for it but at this point the child has even told the mother and the father she doesn't want to play and feels her mother is only trying to make her case look good for court by making it look like she does all these things she has been doing lately truthfully we don't know how she affords it only working part time at walmart along with her other bills probably tax money and time will tell I appreciate all you guys and the input. I'm glad they will take a 12 year olds feelings into account because she wants to live with us and wants to be able to talk to the judge.

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I'm known for my straight-forward (and some call it something else) approach to all things legal. I'm an investigator. I talk to people about legal problems all the time. Sometimes my experience and expertise can help them. Sometimes it can't. So here's my very candid answer -

"... truthfully we don't know how she affords it only working part time at walmart along with her other bills probably tax money and time will tell ..." makes YOU look mean and small. I wouldn't even hint at your personal feelings about the mother in front of the Judge and if you've ever made a comment like this in the presence of the child (or the child has gotten word of your feelings) you will lose.

I am also not sure that a 12-year old caught in the middle doesn't tell her father one thing and her mother sometimes else. You, of course, have no legal standing here.

I understand and I sympathize. I dealt with an ex-wife and the mother of my stepchildren. I went way out of my way to never, ever criticize her. She didn't go out of her way - and it backfired right in her face.

I had the same thought as Judy about the child saying one thing to her father and another to her mother. But you have talked to her and you can gauge her sincerity.

But Judy is 100% right that any criticism of the mother in court, other than a statement of provable fact (i.e. We had a visit scheduled for x date and the mother made plans for the daughter even though it was the father's time.) will work against you.

Never mention about the mother's lack of money because that could just get her more child support.