Have been with a girl for 5 months now. This past month it seems that I have been the one working too hard by planning dates, initiating text messaging,calling, etc. I knowI am more than understanding and a person that just goes with the flow becauseI know my girlfriend works and at times when I am free, she isn't.

So my question is, is it necessarily a bad/unhealthy relationship if you don't receive as much as you give?

Not all relationships are 50/50 all the time. Sometimes you give more, sometimes you're taking more. It all depends on what's going on and as long as the two of you have an understanding and no one is feeling shifted there is no problem.
If you are feeling bad by this, talk to her and see where her feelings are. It could even be the 5 month relationship has run it's course and it's time to end it. But you won't know if you don't communicate

I'd say it's at about his point in a relationship, where the "honeymoon phase" is over, and you begin to decide whether you genuinely want to be with this person. And for the most part if you feel you're working too hard, it's a no. On the other hand, I PERSONALLY believe it can work. After all, there are points in any relationship where one is putting in more effort than the other. It's just whether you're willing to let that happen, and whether you both feel the same.

x Dani

Well she called me and feels that her whole heart is not into the relationship anymore and that it would be unfair for me. She felt smothered and overwhelmed and basically did not have time for herself and therefore she said she needs to think about what she wants and will get back to me. This came out of no where- and I think it is because she has been having a busy stressful week. I told her space is good for us and hopefully that can heal some of the emotions. I know when people get so overwhelmed their emotions get to them and they get stressed and eliminate things in their lives. So far its been 3 days NC for me and will see if she does make that phone call eventually...

If I were you I would not sit around waiting. Go on with your life. If she calls she calls but you would not have put your life on hold

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If I were you I would not sit around waiting. Go on with your life. If she calls she calls but you would not have put your life on hold

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I agree, I am thinking for the worse that she will not call and just trying to enjoy life as if I was single, since technically we are still together.

She made contact today and simply emailed me a link of something she found on Amazon that I would love to get... I took it as she obviously was thinking of me- but still I am not getting optimistic...

For those fellow gentlemen out there - what is the period of her not contacting you to you say to yourself that she is never calling and move on in life. It will be 4 days tomorrow and we have tickets to an event on Saturday...

I would leave her alone. If she has not contacted you by today, I would assume she is not going and assume she has moved on.
This kind of thing happens when people don't communicate properly. Get on with your life.
If she shows her face at the last minute, I'd tell her that since she has not contacted you, in light of your last conversation, you figure you two are broke up and you have made other plans.

I think my friend I would ask her of her plans, since this was an event you agreed to. If she isn't sure or unavailable then forget it. Do what you have to with the tickets. I also think you have put way too much into a stranger of 5 months, and its very debatable if you are a couple or not since the lack of communications is apparent.

I mean who wants to sit in limbo while some one unstresses themselves? Back up, save your energy for yourself, and do what you were doing before she came along, and enjoy doing your thing. A few days to ones self is acceptable and needed, but NC, and needing an unspecified time is a break up in my view, and being out of touch for days is something I wouldn't accept very readily.

Maybe this is a great time to do for yourself, and let her worry about her own issues. And rethink if your attachment to her is healthy, fulfilling, or worth it.

If you are at a point where you are judging and counting and comparing how much you give compared to what you think they are giving, ( sure they have another opinion on it)

But if and when you are not happy, something is wrong.

Because I got a 50/50 help on what to do- I went with my gut. I texted her today and simply asked her if she was still planning on going to the event tomorrow and that I was just curious where she stood about the event. She replied and said , " Hey, sorry but I will not be able to make it to the event...Im sorry"

I responded and said " ok" and now I am back to NC.

I'm not surprised she is not going. I think you did the right thing. Now leave this be.

I was not surprised either homegirl50, and yes I am just acting and thinking we are no longer together.

Good for you. If you need to vent, we are here.
I wish you well

Thank you I appreciate it. This was my second major relationship. If you look back at my first post last fall, I was a pathetic hopeless romantic getting over my ex who cheated on me. I came along way since then and had a great relationship with a new girl for 5 months leading to this blog. In a way my friends say this 5 month relationship was a rebound? Would you agree?

The girl I am well technically dating since she has not cut me off just yet, is the most beautiful girl I ever talked to/dated. I now have confidence knowing that I can get attractive girls. I was one to not be intimidated by hot girls, but never really went out of my way to try and hit on them etc.

The girl also is 25 and I am 23 and it was my first time dating someone older than me. A big difference is that she acts like she is 40 and I act like I am 23... I am quite mature for my age but not acting like I am 40 lol.

Anytime you make a person your whole world, you better be sure they feel the same way. And when that changes, you better adjust to the changes. The world is full of hopeless romantics that think every dating encounter will lead to a lifetime of happiness.

Must be nice, but reality, and experience says people come and go through your life, both as friends and lovers, and enjoying the good times you have is the goal, because things can change fast for many reasons and you have a choice to handle it best you can, or be stuck on what was.

I choose to handle it as well as I can, and move to the next event in my life. There is always a NEXT event in your life. That doesn't mean you are not sad, or hurt by past events, it just means you KNOW it will get better for you if you let it.

Nothing wrong with rebounds, as long as you are honest, and don't get carried away, and become addicted to your medicine. Keep it real.

Well said

Thanks talaniman that was very helpful. One thing I should have picked up early on is that she has no friends. She only has a guy friend from high school that she has kept close with all these years. Not saying there is nothing wrong for a girl to not have any friends, but it should have told me something.