I've been with my husband for 15 years, married for almost 11 and was married very young and had one child before marriage and pregnant with our second when got married. Also have one other young child for total of three kids.

For the past few years there has been a desire for something more that I wasn't getting at home so I felt the need to flirt and started talking to another guy at work. He made me feel so alive. Husband found out I was talking to a guy and gave me an ultimatum to quit my job or get a divorce... so I quit my job and never talked to that guy again. But ever since that guy made me feel alive I wanted to feel it again because I wasn't feeling it with my husband so I started talking to other guys online while my husband was sleeping.

I did some phone sex and typing sex and loved the way the other guys made me feel. I ended up meeting one guy that made me feel so loved and amazing I stopped doing the virtual sex stuff and just started talking to him cause he was all I needed anymore. I've told him I loved him an he has said the same, he said it first, but he don't expect anything from me sexually over the Internet and I've never (in person) seen him but pix I've seen and he is on a social network I have also and my husband don't know about him.

I have been so confused about what I should do, mostly due to our kids. My oldest knows I'm not happy and has said to me "why don't you leave if you don't love dad anymore?" I never know what to say and it hurts more than anything to think ill hurt my kids. I feel like I love my husband but not sure if its cause we have been together for so long or I really love him. We have fought about everything from punishing the kids over stuff to money and now that he has no job too he is just on my nerves and doesn't do ANYTHING to help around the house, he never really did anyway, but now that he isn't working you'd think he'd at least take out garbage. I get mad at him for punishing the kids for, to me, stupid things.

So we fight about that or end up not talking for a day or so. I just hate to think I'm doing damage to my kids by staying or leaving so I'm confused about what to do. Any suggestions on what I should do. Oh, and he don't believe in marriage counseling or talking to others about our problems so... any advice I can get may help. Thanks

If he is not willing to try to work things out through counceling and things like that. Maybe it is time for you to give HIM the ultimatum. Either he gets off his and working on the relationship, or he can get served with a divorce. No point in continuing a marriage that is not working and both parties are not willing to work for. Your kids will still be your kids, and seeing the depressing faces all day at home are far more damaging than seeing both of you guys separate, but happy.

Don't see other guys, it's better to have a divorce

The first thing I say is to stop being distracted by seeking outside influences for the easy quick fix feel good. That's no solution for honest communications that started with the guy at work. That's no way to go through a rough unhappy period. Quitting your job or divorce? As you see that didn't solve the problem, it made it worse didn't it?

How does he even find out about flirting with a guy at work?

Step away from this situation for a week, and let the dust settle and calmer heads prevail. You have lost the ability to stand up for yourself and better get it back. He is taking over your territory and taking his own unhappiness out on his own family.

The focus should be on your own solutions not distractions.