I have been dating a woman now for a year and a half. My situation is precasious to say the least as I am separated from my spouse who was abusive in many ways. That aside, this relationship ended last week on firday. I am to blame, I didn't make any progress on my divorce, out of fear of what may happen to my son. I had found a comfort zone, and I insulated myself in it. We ended up only seeing each other once a week at one point, and our schedules were shaky. Then I didn't hear I love you from her fro two days, I knew it was coming, and when it did I handled it the completely opposite way I should have. I literally did everything wrong. At first I told her I once I was out I was gone for good, I couldn't be her friend, because it would hurt too much to see her with someone else. I then back pedalled the next day saying I wanted to work it out, then Sunday morning we spoke over the phone. I was a horrid mess, I begged her to give me another chance, I told her I understood what was wrong, I cried my eyes out, I told her that I wouldn't give up.
She responded that it was too late, and that she couldn't be in a romantic relationship with me anymore. I was shattered at that point, and didn't know what to do. We talked some more, but we were going in circles. The phone call ended and I later that evening at 1 in the morning I texted her a very long and probably fragile sounding text. I didn't believe that she had stopped loving me.
I wrote her a letter the next day saying that I had a chance to calm down, and that I had to respect her decision, and that I agreed that I needed to get all these things in my life completed and put in the past. That I know that I made her feel terrible with how I acted, and that I was coming from a p[lace of hurt and bitterness with myself for disappointing her.
I asked her yesterday if she would be willing to meet with me and have a civil conversation with me. She replied that she couldn't last night as she was at work and her allergies were killing her. She said she wasn't sure it was a good idea that we talked, and that she had said all she needed to say. And wanted to know what I wanted to talk about. I responded that I wanted to discuss some things that I had worked out with a counselor that works with people in my line of work, and that he had helped me put some things in perspective and that I wanted to talk to her about them. I kept it neutral, and that she could pick the time, place, and day. Suggested that we might go for lunch.
My question is what more can I do? Is there anything else? I truly love this woman with everything I have. I realize that I made her feel unwanted by putting her needs behind those of someone I was divorcing. And that I handled this all wrong. But I am ready to be the man she fell in love with again, and I have learned from my mistakes. I saw even more how special this woman is to me, and that I am missing a huge part of my life without her.
We discussed having a life together, family, a home, and a future. I want those things with her very much. I'm ready for them.
Tell me what to do here? Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

I've been in your situation 'Albeit as a woman!'.

It's really horrible being thrown out of someone's life when they mean the world to you. This happened with me and my ex-boyfriend- Almost a year since he begged me to be friends with him again, and now I am begging him to be mine. Being close to him is better than not at all, right?

I found the best strategy was to keep it indirect- talk when something needs to be discussed, such as 'Do you know when /BLANK/ is going to arrange the next PTA meeting?' or 'Sorry, I've completely forgotten Miss /BLANK/'s number, I remember you used to be quite close, do you have it? Don't do this too often though, or it will be really, really annoying. Slip into the conversation a few courtesy items, such as 'How have you been?' or 'Well done on your promotion!'This way you can keep it casual but still involved in her life 'aka she won't put you in the box of people she's kicked out of her life'.

You can also call 'I keep this limited to once every three to four months' to ask if she would like to help out at an event you have organised or a coffee meeting with a few friends. If she says yes, you can also hang back afterwards and talk to her. Before you know it, you could be friends.

FRIENDS first. Rushing into a relationship is always disaster.
She seems wary of this so keep it as low key and as informal as possible.
If she gets suspicious and realizes you keep contacting her, just state honestly
That you miss her company and want to be friends again. Be wary of being irritating too, as this will through cold water on any possible future between you two.


All the best x

I'd say leave her alone until you are free to have her completely in your life.
Respect her decision.

We don't really have anything that I can bring up like that. I will try to do that though, I don't want her out of my life what so ever. She hasn't responded yet as to whether she will meet with me to talk yet, I'm not going to press her for it right now. I know she wants me to give her space, and to leave her alone. It's hard, but I have to do it. If not for her, for myself.

Yes, leave her alone. Maybe she has just gotten tired of being in this kind of relationship. Maybe she sees no future in it. You are not free, so let her be free.

I love her enough to let her be happy in her life, if I can't make her happy, how can I expect her to love me? I just wish this didn't hurt so much, and that I could show her that I want to be a better man, and that all the things we talked about for the future are very real for me. I want her to know that she is worth fighting for, very special to me, and that I have learned from my mistakes. I'm not saying I won't make any in the future, but I will change the way I react to them.

Paperwork filed. I've been snowed by the past attorneys I've talked to. This lady made it so much more comfortable, and made sure I understood what was going on. And plainly explained it all to me. I sent the complaint, I should hear back in about two weeks to go look over the paperwork.

I wish you the best