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-   -   I might have slept with someone the night he left me (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=651366)

  • Apr 16, 2012, 02:36 AM
    Ohdearyme
    I might have slept with someone the night he left me
    Right, so it was a long distance relationship and had been going pretty well for nearly 5 months and we had, had sex and I know I was truly in love with him. Then for a week he decides not to text me much, he says he feels bad for not texting me. He writes a status on Facebook about someone coming back into his life, so I confront him about it and he tells me not to make a big deal out of it, I ask him if he thinks he can't talk to me anymore he just says whatever. This is about 10:00am, at about 11:00pm he still hasn't text me so I message him saying sorry for prying.

    The next morning I go on holiday, while I'm travelling I receive a text saying 'but we can still be friends right'mediately I respond asking if this means he's breaking up with me. Apparently he wrote and sent an essay explaining things but I hadn't received it so he resents it. I reply 'yeah that's understandable, but I still love you and if you ever change your mind, I'll always want you back' he didn't reply. I went out drinking with friends that night, I was really cut up that he hadn't bothered to reply and though maybe he just didn't care anymore, I remember going into a club but then I don't remember anything till waking up in a guys apartment, on a bed on my own with my underwear on and my dress folded on the bedside table, I immediately put my dress on and left for my apartment where I was staying.

    My ex then texts me two days later, just general chitchat but I'd kind of got over him but talking to him reminded me of how much I loved him. The next night I go out and get drunk again then send him texts saying I love him and that by texting me he's not helping me get over him, the next morning I send a text apologising, no reply. Then it comes to a week since he broke up with me and I receive a text saying 'you've blown it' I ring him he won't pick up I text him he says he found out I slept with someone the night he left me and that I can't have loved him, we have an argument, I send apology after apology with no reply.

    The next night I send him an angry text he replys and we talk it out somewhat. He says he only wanted a break, but that hadn't been clear in the message he sent me, or in the signals he gave off by not replying and such. He says he was planning on getting back with me, but now I've done this he can't. The thing is I don't even know myself what went on in that flat, I was with my friends and they'd never usually let me do anything stupid. I came home a couple of days ago, but they stayed longer, so I'll have to ask them when they come home. Do you think I'm in the wrong? :(
  • Apr 16, 2012, 06:43 AM
    liz28
    First, getting drunk never solves anything as you can see. It leads to doing stupid things that you wouldn't do if you were sober. Example, sleeping with a random dude. You place yourself in danger so don't do that again. Also, the angry texting needs to stop.

    Of course, he is going say 'he was considering taking you back until he fpund out with you when you were drunk'. However, his past actions and words prove different. And in return, it is getting under your skin more.

    Life doesn't have a reset button so the only thing you can do is learn from your life experinces and move forward. If someone wants to be with you they would and will do so without the games. So with that being said, let him go and there is no need to contact him anymore. Your not in a place where you can even be friends with him even though he suggest this before the club thing.

    Also, as far as your roomates go you can can't hold them accountable for actions. However, I wonder how he knew what happen after you left the club. Rethink who your friends are and control your alcohol intake. Best of luck!
  • Apr 16, 2012, 10:40 AM
    mmresd
    Yes, you shouldn't depend on anyone else to keep you safe, and if you can't handle the alcohol I would recommend staying away.

    This relationship is done, keep busy and move on. Go no contact, he was right in that by texting you he is not helping you move on. He has moved on already.
  • Apr 18, 2012, 04:46 AM
    Ohdearyme
    Thank you for your replies, I contacted him last night just to let him know that I found out it was a case of my friends not being able to get me home so they took me to their friends accommodation and nothing had happened. He said it didn't make any difference which was fair enough, and I told him I wanted a straight answer as to whether he would ever want to be with me in the future, he beat around the bush and I just told him to give me a yes, or a no. He said at this very moment no. I replied, thank you for being honest, I've deleted him from all my social networks and off my phone, thank you for your replies, I will steer clear of the alcohol in future, just, thank you really :) <3
  • Apr 18, 2012, 06:27 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    I will say that he was ending this relationship before any of this happened and you know it. He merely found a way of making you the "bad guy"
  • Apr 18, 2012, 12:58 PM
    Ohdearyme
    Thank you x I'm going on a date with someone different soon anyway so that should be nice x thank you for everyone's advice <3
  • Apr 18, 2012, 10:45 PM
    talaniman
    You deserve a lot of credit not letting him guilt trip you, what a goof.
  • Apr 19, 2012, 12:12 AM
    Stellaw
    Now he's making your mistake an excuse of not getting back with you. It's his fault not you. Everyone feels vulnerable if broken hearted or dumped. Your fault was, you were not that strong enough in making the right decision instead you got drunk.

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