Hey everyone. I was hesitant to register and post, but I feel like I really need to vent. Here is the situation.

My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 years. We were each other's first for everything. We are both the same age, 24 and we met at 21. She was in a sorority and we met through my best friend's sister. Coincidentally we also had mutual childhood friends. We thought it was fate that brought us together.

She was my everything. She was smart, pretty and intelligent. She was in college in pursuit to become a nurse. Unfortunately I wasn't doing that great in college. I always cut class and was indecisive in what I want to major in. I never dropped out though. This was a big issue for her. She wanted someone/me to finish college. As time progressed, I was still lacking in the academic area. Come 2011, she graduated as a nurse. At this point, I knew I had to do something, but it was already too late.

In April 2011, my mother passed away from cancer. A few months later, June of 2011, she broke up with me. She told me she wanted to see what's out there. This was NOT the first time I've heard this. Before we were a year in, in our relationship, I recalled she mentioning that she wanted to see other people before getting married. I remembered tearing when she said that. So inevitably, she broke up with me. At that moment in my life, I felt like I hit rock bottom. First my mom passed away and then my girlfriend dumped me. At that time(June of 2011) we tried to discuss what we should do. If we should take a break or just break off completely. We decided we should still see each other, just less frequent and make it official on January 1,2012.

I know I wasn't the best boyfriend, but I tried to give her everything. I lacked showing affection. I didn't tell her I loved her often enough and probably didn't hug her enough. But I showed her my love materialistically. I didn't have a job during the time we were together, but I had my own little business reselling high value collectibles. Its not much, but it kept me up financially. Whatever she wanted, I got it for her. I spent hundreds on gifts, dinners and special occasions, such as anniversaries and holidays. When she graduated to become a nurse, I got her a macbook. I never thought anything was too expensive, as long as I bring that pretty smile to her face.

Well right now its April 2012. We talked occasionally in the recent months. I just found out that she started to talk to someone she met at a party.

I'm just torn in the middle right now. I really know I should forget and move on, but I CANT!! Its driving me crazy! I want her back, but I don't. Does that even make sense?

Also, I forgot to add. I've lied to her for 3 years about smoking. She thought I had quit, but unfortunately this nasty habit of mine stuck with me. So for 3 years I've lied to her about it. Trust is a very important issue for her. I recalled she got really upset at me for lying to her about something very minuscule. Up to this day, she still doesn't know. I'm thinking to myself, maybe I do deserve what has happened to me..

I feel as though I am bipolar. Its like I can see where she's coming from with her decision, but I just can't accept it. I hate and love her at the same time. At times I feel as though she just used me for my money, but I refuse to believe that. I feel as though even if I got my stuff together from the beginning, the breakup would have been inevitable, knowing that her personality has the "want to try new things" mindset.

You could have ben perfect and she would have dumped you, but we will never know that will we. You will survive, it just takes time.

Thanks for the kind words. I'm trying to occupy myself for the time being and not be bothered by the thought of her.

My friend,

My heart truly goes out to you. I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner or I would have replied. I too lost my mother to cancer and the girl I was dating for two years didn't come to the services and broke up with me when I got home. While telling me how she had her own problems.

Like you, I did a lot for her. I'm sure it feels maddening to this day. Not even so much that she broke it off, just the manner in which it happened... Not being there for you when you needed her the most and were probably very understanding and there for her even during your time of loss as well as while in the process.

I am sure you must have felt shocked that she really could be that cruel and cold blooded. That was a time you already must have lost her in a very brutal and painful way at the very end.

A guys favorite woman is his mother. To be with someone you were so kind to only to be left at the one time you probably needed her instead of it being the other way around... And she just wasn't there for you... Made a traumatic time in your life even more traumatic. She should have been there to comfort and love you.

Don't feel bad for wanting that. You deserved that. Everybody does. It never should have been a burden to her. It must have been so bad that you questioned reality at the time.

Do you still keep in touch with her?

Friend, I share that sense of hurt and just this sense of... Geez, words fail me in expressing the sense anger, disbelief, grief, shock, and having gone through such a long tough loss...

You really should have and deserved to have someone want to know how you felt, wanted to stand by you, love you, support you... There isn't a human being that doesn't deserve that in a time of loss.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I want you know that it was very hard for me to get through, but it got better.

Even if you need to get rid of all the friends in your life you weren't there for you and kind of keep a few and meet new ones... Because there are good people out there. I hope they have been or that you do meet more people who remind how much you are supported.

A handful of people were there for me. When most like my ex... Had given me card saying "we'll get through this together," and was done with it when I got home from her burial.

It wasn't just her... When she was gone it was so hard because I realized most of my friends were less cruel renditions of her... But that most of the people around me just asked of me or gave me a hard time for being down.

I realized that just cleaning my life of those people and being with people who can trust me and who I can trust... Really has been awesome.

You're mom would have been so upset to see you treated like this. Here's a thought...

It must have taken up so much time and been so scary, long, and hard to have a normal life...

I always think, my mom always wished that I was able to have more time to be a normal 20-30 something...

Her passing and me having that time... I'm not going to let awful people spoil that for me. I want to have a happy life because she passed away wanting me to have that back.

Make that time count... She'd be happy to see that. I'm sure telling you to stay the heck away from girl. She wouldn't hesitate to drop you the next time something happens like you get sick or come on hard times.

Hang in there man.

She only your first get out there and meet some new women. They say if you had one you had them all well that's not true some are better then others. You seem like a nice guy learn from this but have fun for a while find out what you really like but have standards don't sell yourself short

I undertand where your coming from. In some ways u do deserve it. You should have treated her as well as she treated you.