Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend troubles

I'm 20 years old and I've been together with my boyfriend for over two years now. A lot has changed since then, 5 days a week he's gone to study and I only see him for 8 hours in the weekend. At first I was always very sad when he left, but now I don't even care anymore. I stopped missing him and I'm not that excited if I know that I'll see him.

I do still love him but I find it very hard to be practically single all week and than I have to flip a switch in the weekend to be intimate again. It's hard for me to get used to someone touching me again.

That's the first half of the problem. The second part is about the dreams I have. They're always about other men. Sometimes it's about unknown men but the last few times it's been about a really good friend of mine. I see him every day and he always makes me smile. I know that I like him, but I'm not sure if he likes me in that way.

I don't know what all these feelings mean. I love my boyfriend but I don't know if I want to be with him forever. But on the other hand, I know that he adores me and I can picture us getting married someday, but I feel like I still have to experience so many things. My heart would break if we'd ever split up, but I wouldn't know if I missed him or if I missed being in a relationship.

And then my friend, is this just some kind of fling because I see him a lot or is it something more? I would like to find out what he feels, but I would never cheat!

I really need some help.

Sounds like your not happy since he's studying all the time. Ask yourself is it worth being single in the week being with him for only 8hrs on the weekend? If no then take a break or move on. We all have emotional as well as physical needs if he's not doing either he's not a good fit

This isn't that hard to figure out.

You're female. We females feel that when we put time into a relationship, we should see it through. But, you're young. When you're young it's unlikely that you'll meet your soul mate. Not impossible. I met my husband at 19, but we're not the norm.

Your boyfriend is not at fault. He's securing his future, and studying is a part of that future. If that means that he can't spend every moment with you, then that's what he has to do for himself. He can't think of you right now, because it's unlikely that you'll be in the picture in the future. He has to take care of his own future.

So you're alone during the week while he's studying. I guess you aren't in school, or trying to secure your own financial future, which is why you're lonely.

That loneliness has lead you to lose some of the love you have for him. It's not unusual. You're young, you want a boyfriend that's there for you 24/7, and he can't be.

You may love him, but it doesn't sound like your in love with him. It sounds like you don't want to hurt him, and you feel that the reasons for wanting to break up with him are mundane and trivial. They may be, but this period in your relationship is the true test of you love for him, and it's shown you that that love isn't long term. If you can't wait out this period where he's busy studying to preserve his future, then your relationship won't withstand the trials it will face if you two were to get married. It will get harder, not easier. That's true of any relationship you have.

It's time to sit down, think hard about what you want and who you want, and be honest with yourself. Are you holding on to him because you've been with him for such a long time, or are you staying because you're truly in love with him? If you are in love with him, this time in your life, this period of you being apart, is a small part of the challenges you'll face in your future relationship.

It's best to be honest with yourself and him right now. If you're not 100% into this relationship, then no matter how hard it is, you have to let him go and do the exploring you yourself said you want to do.

Thank you for the advice.

I know he has to take care of his future but he failed every course in these two years and it all seems so useless.. Next year he's going to study something else and it's really close to where I study but it just feels like it's a little too late.

I've been thinking about what I want but I just don't know. If I could know that things will get better with my boyfriend, I'd stay with him. But how long can I wait this out? Maybe it will get better if I see him a few days a week, maybe it won't.

And lately I feel like I'm lying to him if we're together. He's always talking about how much he misses me, but I can't say the same.

But when he looks at me like I'm the only person for him in the world, I'm lost again and than I know that he's stolen my heart completely. But for every good moment, there's about five bad ones.

It's just so hard to make up my mind.

I think you should take a break. From what I instantly see here you feel obligated to him. You say you don't miss him all week long and you no longer feel sad that he left. He adores you and you're the only person in the world for him. You can not say the same in return. Do you love him truly? Or do you love him because you feel obligated to the relationship? Just because someone else feels this way towards you doesn't mean you have to feel that way in return. There are no guarantees in love and relationships. I would step up to the plate and put it on the line how your feeling. This is better then dragging it out. Cut the tie now and let him get over it. Sure he will be hurt but in a relationship one partner is always hurt more then the other. I think your only confused because you don't want to break his heart.

As far as this other guy I would keep that on the back burner. With your relationship the way it is this attention from the other guy could be giving you the wrong ideas. You may just like the attention and at times that could cause those crush feelings. Just lay low on the for now and keep it at the friend level.

Don't drag this out and make it worse. Tell this guy you don't feel the same and end this thing. Then you can do as you please. Why string the guy along because you are confused, and unhappy?

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I know he has to take care of his future but he failed every course in these two years and it all seems so useless.. Next year he's going to study something else and it's really close to where I study but it just feels like it's a little too late.

You answering your own question. It's a little too late. Why are you not taking your own advice?

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I've been thinking about what I want but I just don't know. If I could know that things will get better with my boyfriend, I'd stay with him. But how long can I wait this out? Maybe it will get better if I see him a few days a week, maybe it won't.

Relationships go through hard times. Those are the times when your true intentions, true feelings, are put the test, and you realize where you want things to go. Your relationship is not passing this test. It's a very small thing compared to what your future would hold if you two stayed together, got married, had kids. If you can't stick through this very small hiccup in your relationship, then it's time to realize that it's not meant to be.

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And lately I feel like I'm lying to him if we're together. He's always talking about how much he misses me, but I can't say the same.

I'm a bit confused. In your original post you said that the fact that you don't get to see him is what's making the relationship hard. Now you say that you don't really miss him. Which is it? Are you two not together enough, and that's why you don't know where this is leading, or are you realizing that absence hasn't made your heart grow fonder, that you don't actually miss him?

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But when he looks at me like I'm the only person for him in the world, I'm lost again and than I know that he's stolen my heart completely. But for every good moment, there's about five bad ones.

Are you afraid to hurt him, because you realize how much he cares about you? Is that why you're staying with him? That's what it sounds like to me, and it brings me back to my original post to you. We women don't like to hurt anyone. Many times we'll stay in a relationship for longer than we should because we don't want to hurt the person we're in a relationship with.

You may be his whole world, but then, if you were, would he be content spending the week away from you, only seeing you on the weekends?

I'm not saying that he doesn't care about you. I'm sure he does. But if you don't see this relationship lasting for the long haul, you owe it to him, and yourself, to end it now. I have a feeling that he'll be okay. This will give him more time to concentrate on his studies.

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It's just so hard to make up my mind.

It's hard because you don't want to look at the last 2 years as a waste of time. If you give up now then it's like saying that you never loved him. Love changes. Love grows, or dies with time. You may have loved him once. You may still love him. What you have to ask yourself is if you love him enough to support him right now, accept that he can't be there for you 24/7, and still maintain a relationship, or, is your gut telling you that it's time to end this?

I'm pretty sure of what I'd do if I felt the way you do, but I can't make this decision for you. I can only tell you this. When I met my husband, we were 19. We had a lot of hard times, a lot of times apart. Both of us went to college while we were dating. We both worked opposite shifts, and there were times when we only saw each other for an hour or two a week, and that lasted for over a year. Not once did I even think about leaving him, even when I missed him so much that it physically hurt. We worked through the tough times, and our relationship became stronger because of it. There was never a doubt in my mind that he was the one. The fact that you're asking this question, that you're doubting the relationship, is enough for me to say that it's over, you just haven't ended it yet.