Hi can you please help me I have lost my virginity before my marriage now I'm going to get married with another person is there any way for me that my husband can't know that I have lost my virginity before marriage if you know then please please please help me out I'm really upset I have done misstake and now I'm guilty.

Roha, I am going to start with the advice I usually give in this situation. If there is the slightest possibility he could find out the truth, be honest with him before the wedding. If someone else might tell him, if you might accidentally say something when your guard is down, if you might talk in your sleep, etc. be honest.

How much of your background does he know? Does he know you had a previous boyfriend? Have you told him anything about that relationship(s)? If you haven't you need to so that he doesn't find out from others or from pictures, e-mails, etc. and accuse you of far worse things than you have actually done.

Have you talked to your husband-to-be about sex and expectations?

If he is extremely traditional and virginity means a lot to him, is there a chance he might want 'proof' before the marriage?

Instead of 'faking' being a virgin, create a search history of looking up 'how to make losing your virginity less painful'. Through your 'research', learn more about hymens and how they are not a good measure of virginity. That many women have broken their hymens long before they ever have sex. Childhood play, climbing trees, riding bikes, riding horses, even falling can 'break' a hymen. Plus some women are born without one. Even those with intact hymens may not have any pain or bleed because some hymens are very thin or stretch instead of breaking/tearing.

'Educate' yourself on ways and techniques to please your new husband. (There are many books about sex. The Kama Sutra is good for than positions.) Being a 'virgin' doesn't mean you have to be 'shy' in bed. This way if your husband questions you, then you can truthfully explain that you wanted to be able to please him. Isn't that the job of a 'good wife'.

I don't recommend starting your marriage off with a lie, but I do understand the risks in being truthful. Be careful no matter what you decide to do.

First since many women have their hymen broken long before sex, there is really no way he will know this is not your first just by having sex with him.

But I agree, what if the other man talks or tells someone, and your new husband finds out latter. It is always best to start a relationship off honestly.

Maybe it's just me but this is a BIG lie in some places, a lie which can come back and haunt you. Other people have posted about this same problem. You don't think the truth is ever going to come out, but there's a good chance it will.

If I married someone who told me a major lie the marriage would be over immediately - but that depends on how big a lie it is to the person you are marrying.

You are starting a marriage with a lie - no matter HOW important your virginity is to him.

I agree with the previous posters... telling a lie about it will come back to haunt you in the future.

Virginity means more to the virgin than to others, it's a very personal thing... though some guys make a bigger deal about it than they should. I'd be a lot more upset about a woman that had ONE previous partner but lied about being a virgin when we met than a woman that's had 20 partners and was honest about it.

I have to ask what religion you are because I know that in some religions virginity is a very big deal. I think we all have to realize that in some cultures, not being a virgin on your wedding night can lead to death. It's not always about being honest. It can also be about saving your own life.

If the OP could come back and tell us why being a virgin on her wedding night is so important, and why she can't tell her husband to be, that would give us a better understanding of this situation, and enable us to give more accurate advice.

But, I do have to say that I agree with everything that's been posted so far. Then again, I live in a country where I can't die because I wasn't a virgin when I got married.

If not being a virgin can get a person killed my advice would be not to get married - and I'm not kidding.

Agree - OP needs to tell us more but I see that she's made a "mistake" and is trying to cover it up, nothing about being executed. Hopefully she will come back.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

If not being a virgin can get a person killed my advice would be not to get married - and I'm not kidding.

Agree - OP needs to tell us more but I see that she's made a "mistake" and is trying to cover it up, nothing about being executed. Hopefully she will come back.

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I agree Judy, but in that culture who the woman marries is often not a choice, and most of the men in that culture think that a hymen is the only true proof of virginity. If a girl doesn't bleed on her wedding night, she could pay for it with her life, even if she's a virgin.

I'm only guessing that this may be the case, and I'm basing that guess on the way the OP's post is written. It's obvious that English is not her first language, which led me to think that maybe this is a case of a religious dilemma, and not just fear of her fiancé knowing she has a past. But I've been wrong before, and I very well could be wrong this time.

I'm just saying that we need to know the whole story, and we need the OP to come back in order to get that story.

The fact is, there's really no way for us to help her fool her fiancé no matter what the scenario is. I'd also hope that if this is a matter of religion, and her life was in jeopardy, that she wouldn't have been stupid enough to have sex before marriage, knowing that she could be executed because of it. So maybe that alone is proof that I'm way off base here.