My fiancé makes the same noise during sex as he does when working out or doing yard work, it distracts me during & I rarely enjoy it. Probably partly that I am less interested in sex than he is, we are both 33 - how can I get a different sound without making himself conscious?

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Originally Posted by Girl1

how can I get a different sound without making him self conscious?

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Hello G:

Start making different sounds yourself and maybe he'll catch on.

excon

I've tried that, he makes no noise but the breathing like he's lifting weights. I thought maybe I could act like it's a question in a cosmo mag or something one night? I know he'd pick up on it, but would that make him upset?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Girl1

I've tried that, he makes no noise but the breathing like he's lifting weights. I thought maybe I could act like it's a question in a cosmo mag or something one night? I know he'd pick up on it, but would that make him upset?

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Hello again, Girl:

I'm sorry. These are some of the primal things we do. He doesn't consciously do it, and yes, bringing it WILL make himself conscious about it.

That's why I suggested that YOU do something... Ok, if changing your sounds won't change his.. How about moving your hips differently? How about digging your nails into his back when he's making a sound you don't like? How about humping harder? I don't know. But, asking him to change is fraught with disaster.

excon

Thanks excon! I'll try some of those things next time!

How about looking at the problem from a different angle? Is there a certain point or action that causes him to make this noise? Does he make this noise if you are on top or stimulating him?

Does he have any health conditions that might cause this sound while he is trying to breathe while being physically active? If you think it might a physical issue, talk to him about seeing his doctor. You don't even have to mention sex. Just being concerned about his breathing while working out or doing other physical labor would be reason enough.

If you were more interested in sex would it still bother you? Is there anything that would increase your interest making it more enjoyable for you? If you are not enjoying it then your mind is going to focus on the details you find annoying and make them even more irritating to you.

You can eat a lot of beans, cabbage, onions and boild eggs and let loose... when he gags, you can mention, does that bother you?


That's a joke...

But like cat mentioned... does he have any medical issues? Like being overweight, have Asthma, arthritis?

Lol @ the joke - & by the way gross!
He doesn't have any medical issues that I know of... but he does smoke - didn't even think of that.
Thanks all, and Cat, I am only not so interested because of the breathing thing, I think of that as soon as I think of sex, and it seems like it's a lot of work for him. I'm going to push the dr thing, he works out & is very active, I think he could have something serious wrong from the smoking.

Yeah.. smoking can limit your lung capacity and make you wheeze when exerting yourself for a while.