Hello, I'm here because I'm at my limit as to what to do and where to go from here. Me and my ex were together for 5 years. We split up once for a few weeks, and returned to each other. Then she left again within 4 months. We stayed apart for 9 months then got back together, and was together for 47 days, and again she left, or needed space. We had stopped talking, and now we are back to chatting online.

She wanted to give me her new cell number tonight, and I told her to hold off on that. I try not to ask why she left, or what the problem was, however I do know she has said I was smothering. I can agree with that. I was when we got back together. She was staying with her mom, so I left my home state to go be with her, and was in her mothers home. So I had met her mom a few times before this, but didn't really know her, so I felt out of place. So the only one in the home I really had to talk to was my ex, as I was out of state from my friends. And family, and I was OK with that.

Well she has been telling me that we need to take this time to find ourselves, and to work on each other, but that she isn't ruling out us being together again. Then she will say that we might find we like our own company better. She isn't seeing anyone not sure about talking to anyone, but she says to me as she still has most of my stuff there with her that we can leave it there for now, because everything could work out, but to not wait on her and miss out on happiness. Yet she is fine with friends for right now, but that could change.

So in our talks I'm wondering, and very confused as to what to say, what to do, and how to get her back, and make it work this time. I'm not a guy that hits her, or yells at her. I'm pretty much about her. I have never loved anyone the way I love her, not even my ex wife of 19 years. I don't want to come off as needy. Yet I don't want to do nothing, and let her slip away.

What can I do to turn the tables, and make her chase me?

Dude I don't know why you haven't asked her why she keeps going and going as she pleases, but at some point you have to get your stuff, and not let her come and go like this.

If you want to break this cycle, remove the revolving door, and put a lock on it after she leaves, or she will just keep doing what works, because she KNOWS she can leave anytime, and you will take her back no matter how long she is gone, no matter her reasons for leaving.

You want her to chase you, stop being so available for her crap.

Thanks for your reply I have tried to shut the door she just acts like nothing bothers her I have some of our chat sessions saved and have read and went over them to no end one min she is saying who knows what the future holds and she isn't looking for anyone and we are not right to be together at this time then she will say things like its done for good then back to who knows she has gotten me so confused I don't know my next move or how to begin to make the next move how do I do this and her not be gone forever I'm afriad to make her mad or think I don't care cause she may just go away for good

Leave her alone and take your own break for you to get your head on straight. Then take another week, if you need it. The point is to leave her alone, so you can get unconfused, and get rid of the chats.

As long as you are afraid of her, and what she can do, you will be confused and helpless. Disappear, and let her do the worrying if she cares, if she doesn't, what's the point??

Your right tonight she text me and tells me she was out with an ex to take her son on his first date but that they are only friends there was no touching or anything I was thinking of telling her that I can't do this anymore and then just vanish see if she starts trying to talk to me and what she says when I don't answer her so lets say she does try to talk to me what then how long should I keep her on wait?

Tal is right on. Do not wait another second for this girl. She has left you three times for crying out loud. Third strike your out is what I say. Why are you doing this to yourself? It sounds like she is keeping you on the back burner just in case something better doesn't come along. Why would you want her to chase you? Who cares. She doesn't really sound like she is worth anything. Honestly she sounds a little selfish. How can she do this to you over and over and not take your feelings in to consideration? Cut all contact and take control of yourself again. She has your mind all over the place. You will not ever be happy with her. Lets say she does come back. You will always be wondering when she will just leave again. Let her last goodbye be her final goodbye.

Didn't know she has a kid(S?). So how many, and how many baby daddy's are we talking here? Disappearing calls for no notice or debate. Just the courage to risk losing her, and its debatable if you ever had her in the first place. Fact is she has left you before, and will do it again.

I suspect you have left many facts out of this story.

Yes there are factors lets start from here what I know about her past she was married 3 times first hubby was the children's father she was with him for 4 years second was with him for 7 years and her 3rd 3 years she was raped as a child her brothers messed with her to.her dad is a fixer type guy can't tell her no or let her stand on her own two feet.she had a child die at age 3 she had left and while in his daddys care it happened each time we were apart she woul dreturn to a dating site and meet someone be it short lived she has always went back to exs but only to get something from them with me guess same could be said if I had something other then me to give... just spoke with her on the phone for the first time in over a month and asked her why she left as you said I shoul dhave done her words were I was demanding that the newness of being back together had worn off and it was just normal again that too much had happened for us to be together anymore that she will not be with an ex ever again and that she is happy being single but she is hanging out with an ex and her ex husband is taking her to a nascar race this is what she said and said that I was a awesome guy fun to be around but it has to be this way and I said what are you going to do when you find out 4 5 6 months from now that you want me back I can't be this revolving door anymore she said that's not an option she won't be coming back just said she can extend friendship... she is a drama queen and she makes people feel sorry for her... try as I might I really don't want to let her go but my hand is being forced now I'm not sure if she is just speaking like this now because she is trying to throw me off or if she is for real she has said this before only to return again I know its hard for you all to base any judgment as to what she is thinking or doing since you don't know her or have talked to her you only get my side of things I went with the no contact that didn't work I went with telling her no more that hasn't worked I just know and this is honest truth I love her more then anything I have ever loved in my life I would give up everything to be with her can I survive without her sure I can can I find someone else sure in time but I know wit to be true in me that what I feel for her is so real even today now after everything I can't seem to even get mad at her and I know wmost woul dhave by now I can't figure out what to do if I got back with her would I be afraid she would leave again yes at first I would but that woul dfade after time I don't know I just don't know what to do