Ask Me Help Desk - Depressed wife!

Hi, we are married 1 year. Before married we know each for 1 year as we got engaged, so we got enough time to know each! In that time I presented myself fully to her. I introduced all close friends (boy /girl). At beginning of marriage it was going smooth, and then slowly stopped interaction with my female friends, later she told me to do so. They all are my child hood friends, and I don’t know what I should do! I am doing everything for her before she ask any I’m giving to her with my own interest and it make me happy to do so! But if I do any which she don’t like i.e. talking even chatting to my female friends those already known by her, she get angry.

Another thing I feel may be its my mistake, as we going to visit many places during week end and if she notice me watching other woman suddenly she get angry but my part is that wasn't to make her angry, nor because I’m not happy with her, just its happens! I am working on it to avoid any interaction with any of female! But seems hard as they everywhere! I love my wife more than me and trying to do everything, my 1%mistake making my 99% effort to make her happy spoiled! Both of us are bit short tempered so you can guess how easy to things become wrong! Now I came to know something new as she even told before too but I didn’t take seriously, she FEELS SHE NOT MUCH PRETTY, AND SHE NOT MY KIND girl. How to increase her self-confidence! Please help with your reply!

Whatever is the root cause of her feelings, a simple check up can lead you both to the right guidance for you anger management, and conflict resolution issues, as well as some impulse, and self control problems. Couples counseling can help you both learn to be cool, calm, and collected and under control, so you can learn and grow together.

Your family physician can refer you to a person you can both talk to. Check this link, so you can see what I mean,

Techniques For Self Control | LIVESTRONG.COM

She's insecure, jealous, and she has no right to expect you to cut all contact with your friends because of her insecurity.

I agree with Tal, she needs counseling. She needs to learn that you talking to another woman, or being friends with another woman, doesn't mean you don't love her, and doesn't mean that you'll cheat on her.

Her insecurities need to be addressed, but you aren't qualified to solve this issue.

There's a sort of stereotype that men are puzzled that their women feel unloved, unappreciated, and ugly. I think she will forgive a lot of your wandering eyes if you spend more time TELLING her and SHOWING her that she is beautiful and that you love her.

Women are much more into communication than men. They need to hear sweet and appreciative words every day. Her hair, her clothes, her figure, her eyes, how intelligent she is, how good that meal was, how much your love grows every day. And don't fake it either - make it spontaneous and really mean it. Hug her when she's doing dishes, stop her when she's cleaning because you need a kiss. If she says she's suspicious, tell her that someone told you that you aren't demonstrative enough of your love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

There's a sort of stereotype that men are puzzled that their women feel unloved, unappreciated, and ugly. I think she will forgive a lot of your wandering eyes if you spend more time TELLING her and SHOWING her that she is beautiful and that you love her.

Women are much more into communication than men. They need to hear sweet and appreciative words every day. Her hair, her clothes, her figure, her eyes, how intelligent she is, how good that meal was, how much your love grows every day. And don't fake it either - make it spontaneous and really mean it. Hug her when she's doing dishes, stop her when she's cleaning because you need a kiss. If she says she's suspicious, tell her that someone told you that you aren't demonstrative enough of your love.

So instead of getting to the root of the problem you're suggesting that he mollycoddle her, feed her insecurity?

I think it is some of both.

Since it appears she has felt this way for some time, counseling may help you both understand the reasons for it. She may have had some passed experiences in relationships that have caused her to feel as she does. Have you discussed it with her? Has she shared why these things bother her?

I also think that being sure to communicate your love, affection, and appreciation of her is important. Whether it is right or wrong, often self-esteem is boosted or knocked down by those we love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

I think it is some of both.

Since it appears she has felt this way for some time, counseling may help you both understand the reasons for it. She may have had some passed experiences in relationships that have caused her to feel as she does. Have you discussed it with her? Has she shared why these things bother her?

I also think that being sure to communicate your love, affection, and appreciation of her is important. Whether it is right or wrong, often self-esteem is boosted or knocked down by those we love.

I do agree that he should make sure that she knows how much he loves and appreciates her. The part I don't agree with is mollycoddling her. Going out of his way to stop her while she's doing dishes to give her a kiss and tell her she's pretty, just to boost her ego so that he can live a normal life, and have friends, that won't help anything in my opinion. Of course he should love her, and make sure she knows how much he values her, but should he be someone he isn't just to boost her ego? Will that make her less insecure?

That's where the therapy comes in. Just kissing her and telling her she's pretty and he loves her, isn't going to be enough. If it were I don't think they'd have this issue to begin with.

She's the one with the issue. He obviously loves her. He's cut out all of his friends for her. If anything, I think she needs to be grateful that she has a husband that loves her enough to make sure she feel secure, and goes so far as to cut out all the people he cares about just so she can feel that security.

Again, just my opinion, but I've never been one to tolerate jealousy, or insecurity in a relationship. I would never have married her to begin with, because that sort of behavior is not something I can tolerate. But he obviously can, because he did marry her. I guess he thought she'd change once they got married. Now it's an issue, and the only way to fix it is with professional help.