Ask Me Help Desk - How do we become victims

I am wondering how do we become victims in relationships and even in ourselves? Sometimes I feel I have been in this situation many times - am not sure if it is due to fear or I am allowing this for myself. I have been reading some threads and feel that I would like to know more on this subject if anyone has any thoughts/experiences they can share.:confused:

Giving the other person too much power over yourself, emotionally, is a definite step...

We become victims in relationships when we don't know who we are, or we lose ourself in the relationship.

Keeping a healthy and BALANCED relationship should ensure there are no victims, just winners.

If you are a healthy and stable person entering a relationship and are able to maintain it whilst in the relationship then you should not become a victim of anything!

We are being victims anytime we give another person the power to define our worth. We are being victims anytime we make approval, sex, things, a substance, or an activity responsible for our feelings of happiness and lovability. We are being victims anytime we blame another for our feelings of fear, anger, hurt, aloneness, jealousy, disappointment, and so on. Whenever we choose to define ourselves externally, we are handing away power to others and we then feel controlled by their choices. When we choose to define ourselves internally through our connection with our spiritual Guidance, we move into personal power and personal responsibility. The moment we sincerely want to learn about our own intrinsic worth and what behavior is in our highest good, we will receive answers. Most people do not realize how easy it is to receive answers from a spiritual Source. The answers will pop into your mind in words or pictures, or you will experience the answers through your feelings, when your sincere desire is to learn.

We always have two choices: we can try to find our happiness, peace, safety, security, lovability and worth through people, things, activities, and substances; or we can feel joyful, peaceful, safe, secure, lovable and worthy through connection with a spiritual Source of love and compassion - taking loving care of ourselves and loving others.

Whenever we choose to find our happiness and safety through others, then we have to try to control them to give us what we want. Then, when they don't come through for us in the way we hoped they would, we feel victimized by their choices.

Taking responsibility for our own feelings of worth and lovability through developing our spiritual connection, instead of giving that job to others, moves us out of being victims and into personal power.

Here is a good resource: Inner Bonding: Relationship Advice, Relationship Help, Spiritual Growth, Parenting Advice

This is a really good question, and like most good questions, it has several good answers. I like this one a lot:

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Taking responsibility for our own feelings of worth and lovability through developing our spiritual connection, instead of giving that job to others, moves us out of being victims and into personal power.

Another good one arises out of the recognition that not everything that happens is caused by the purposeful intent of conscious beings (whether human or divine) to do us harm or good. Some things just happen, and it's up to us to interpret and cope with the randomness and happenstance of life in the physical world as best we can. In other words, we shouldn't take everything that happens to us "personally".

All the threads so far have brought light to what I have been wondering about for such a long time. I have learned that I do tend to give my power away in relationships, am not sure why - however your support and knowing this has given me hope for change. Thank you.