I have been married for 6 months. Me and my husband lives in US. Both of our parent live in India. He has a younger sister, she lives in US too ( 15 hrs from our place). She got married 2 months after our marriage. After the first day of my marriage his parents had never given importance to our relationship. There were just concerned about there daughters marriage. My husband was worried too. I thought that after her marriage everything will be solved. But... "NO" .

Me and my husband both are working . We go out in morning around 8:00 and come back at 8 pm. I am in medical profession. After coming home I prepare for dinner as I come 30 min before him. As he come we have our dinner and talk about our day. Everything is fine by that time. He calls his parents in India daily, and trouble start. They ask him first about his sister, how is she ,( she is looking for job at his husbands place)... just worried questions about her. Then at last they will talk to me.

My husband too from office keep searching for job for her. When I ask him are you helping her he just say" NO". She is doing all on her own. We had a lot of discussion and fights but he is not understanding me. He is concerned about his sisters new family but not about us. She goes everywhere and enjoy. And my husband keep looking job for her online. She mail her job requirement at night around 12 am.

I am tired. My mom ask me to ignore his behavior and be happy. I am under lot of stress from work and now marriage. I ask my husband that please don't contact your family for few days. Then lets start it all fresh, but he is not ready.

What should I do? Please help.

You should follow your mothers advice.

Of course your husbands parents are more concerned about their daughter than they are about you. You're not their daughter. You're just a wife. Wives come and go, especially in today's society.

If your husbands family bothers you, then ignore them. Let him deal with them. But don't expect him to cut off ties with them. They're his family. Family is forever. You may not be. Like I said, wives are replaceable.

I too think you follow your moms advice and give your husband some space to deal with his family. Better to be happy and work together, than try and get between him, and his family obligations. There is time for both. I mean why argue when you can relax and have your own routine, and he have his? Why spend time arguing about this extra stuff, when you can be doing great things for yourself.

If you relax, then this next 6 months will be better for you, because you are not trying to change him all at once, nor fretting on what he and his family do. He will adjust gradually if your are patient and understanding rather than needy, and argumentative.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I too think you follow your moms advice and give your husband some space to deal with his family. Better to be happy and work together, than try and get between him, and his family obligations. There is time for both. I mean why argue when you can relax and have your own routine, and he have his? Why spend time arguing about this extra stuff, when you can be doing great things for yourself.

If you relax, then this next 6 months will be better for you, because you are not trying to change him all at once, nor fretting on what he and his family do. He will adjust gradually if your are patient and understanding rather than needy, and argumentative.

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Thanks everyone.. but it's really difficult for me.. but I am trying...

Ria, I can understand your frustration. It seems like she is a newly married woman like you and her family is treating her like a toddler who still needs to hold their hands to walk across the floor. I do wonder if there are some reasons for this.

How long has she been in the US? Is this the beginning of her life apart from a very protective family? Are they concerned that she may be 'forgetting' her upbringing and that she might bring criticism of their family? Did she want to marry her husband? Is her husband's family being critical of her? Is her family worried about her safety and welfare? Do they have reason to be?

If she lives 15 hours away from you, how do you know what she is doing with her time?

Has she tried to tell her family to back off?

One more approach you might try with your husband before you back away from his family issues is to calmly point out that by trying to 'help' her, the family may be causing her more stress in her marriage and life and she might be rebelling against their well-meaning input into her life. It may not make the family happy but giving her a few days or a week without their input may help her adjust to her new marriage and life. Try asking if it is a possibility. The situation is causing stress in his marriage, so it might be doing the same in hers.

Perhaps talk to your husband about ways he can release his stress and frustration over his sister without causing you more stress (maybe music, gardening, cooking, reading games, darts, etc.) while you work through your own stress. Then you can come together more relaxed and ready to be with each other.

Well I think that,
Its acctually normal they always care more about there daughter because your not one you're a wife and the relationships these days really come and go easily maybe talking to them about how you feel would help,
Hope I helped.

You are right.. but from last 6month I am trying to do my best to be part of there family. I talk to them everyday. Send gifts to India on important occasion for them. But when ever I call them they just ask me to take care of there daughter & son in law... call them and ask how are you doing. Never ask about us... so frustrating!!

Ria,it sounds like you are trying to be a good daughter-in-law. Unfortunately, it sounds like they are preoccupied with the daughter they gave birth to and are having a hard time allowing to grow up. Do they have any other children still with them in India? Part of their issues may be that their children are a world away.

Keep being yourself and doing what you feel is right. Give them time to make their own adjustments to the distance and letting go. It may take months or a year. But their focus will change as the sister settles into her life and you and your husband learn and adapt to marriage. If and when grandchildren come along, everything will go through another shift. It is a part of marriage and in-laws. You can let each shift cause you stress or you can go about you life. Talk to your family and do little things for the in-laws not because you expect anything in return but because it makes you feel good. Find ways to let your own stress go instead of allowing them to add to it.

Find your own happiness and it will help you make it through the changes.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

Ria,it sounds like you are trying to be a good daughter-in-law. Unfortunately, it sounds like they are preoccupied with the daughter they gave birth to and are having a hard time allowing to grow up. Do they have any other children still with them in India? Part of their issues may be that their children are a world away.

Keep being yourself and doing what you feel is right. Give them time to make their own adjustments to the distance and letting go. It may take months or a year. But their focus will change as the sister settles into her life and you and your husband learn and adapt to marriage. If and when grandchildren come along, everything will go through another shift. It is a part of marriage and in-laws. You can let each shift cause you stress or you can go about you life. Talk to your family and do little things for the in-laws not because you expect anything in return but because it makes you feel good. Find ways to let your own stress go instead of allowing them to add to it.

Find your own happiness and it will help you make it through the changes.

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Thank you so much.I am a medical professional advising my patient to be stress free. But when it come to myself... it's really difficult for me.Your advice really gave me positive outlook... thanks..