I am gay. Recently I introduced my two best friends to each other. I feel left out. As they go to a brothel together, but don't want to tell me. I found this out by coincidence.

We are still great friends. But I feel a bit humiliated. I feel like women in the business world. Women can go home and work. The "real men" then go out to brothels and bond.

I do not want to get into a moral discussion about brothels (they are legal here in Germany). I would not even have a problem if they told me. But it really hurts to have your two best friends keep this a secret from you.

What should I do? I cannot tell them I know, because they would know who told me. But I do not feel that comfortable around them anymore. It upsets me that I introduced them to each other.

The first thing you have to understand is that you can't change what happened. They're friends and they're going to do what they want to do. They'll do it with or without your permission.

I can kind of see where they're coming from. It would be like bring your girlfriend to a strip joint. It is a socially awkward situation.

Homosexuality is also still a funny thing for straight people too. At least for me. I accept it and am okay with it. I just don't want it rubbed in my face all the time. It is the same with other kinks. I don't want to know that my good friend likes a good flogging, or diapers, or whatnot.

A good friend of mine put it simply. "My friends do not have sex!" It is more of a sanity thing then anything. They're were probably trying to be considerate to you by not inviting you. They didn't want it to be awkward or weird. Because once you cross that line... It can't be the same again. Don't ascribed to malice what can be explained by stupidity.

As for what you can do. They're your friends. Go out with them for the big game. Go out and do stuff with them. Try to get over this. I think you're reading far too much into this.

Does the brothel cater to heterosexuals only or do they have a broader clientele? If the brothel welcomes one and all, would you have gone if asked? Have you ever given either of them the impression that you don't like or approve of brothels or that you were otherwise engaged on the night in question?

I don't think it is about the brothel as much as it is about feeling left out. Do you have other friends? Do you have places you would like to go where they might not feel comfortable?

Instead of letting it fester, talk to them. They may not have meant for it to be a secret. Find out from them what is going on instead of relying on another person who may not be telling you a factual account of the night in question.

Quite frankly, I am suspicious of the person's motives who told you. Was it something he/she thought you already knew or were they trying to cause trouble?

Thx for you replies. I really thought I was being too sissy about this. As nobody replied.

I have been to brothels with both of my friends. I am cool about that. I must admit I did it for the bonding. I really do not want to be considered a better female secretary with whom one has dinner and the goes out with the "real guys". I would not have had a problem if they told me. However, they deliberately do not say anything. I introduced them to each other, now they also work together. I'd be cool about them doing whatever. This secrecy nevertheless makes me feel second class.

I do not stick my homosexuality in peoples' faces. However, straight people ought to realize that gay people may develop feelings for them. That does not mean that gays make a move on people. This complicates things. My friends also know this.

I probably just had to get it out of my system. It helped writing about it. Thx a again for the responsed. Thus I do not feel all that stupid.

I knew about the Brothels in Germany... even saw a few... (from outside, I'm cheap) but had no idea they had them that catered to the Homosexual community.

However... with that said... I'm sure there are a lot of things you don't tell them... I'd let it go... I know many of my friends don't tell me everything... nor should they.

Smoothy: You are correct. I will just let it go. Frankly I went to brothels with them before coming out. They did not cater to gays.

Of course they do not have to tell me everything. However, if I introduce my best friends to each other, it does cause some tension if I know that they deliberately do not tell me something like that. It's not that they do not trust me to keep my mouth shut. Thus I feel a bit second-rate...

But what the heck. I have to get over that. Life goes on and I do still have a lot of fun with them.