I have a dear friend who is terminally ill, and for that reason has been placed in an extremely messed up stituation. Because of this he is hurt, frustrated depressed, and suicidal. My question is how can I support him? We live in different states. Should I go to see him? Should I just be there for him? What?

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Originally Posted by EllieA

I have a dear friend who is terminally ill, and for that reason has been placed in an extremely messed up stituation. Because of this he is hurt, frustrated depressed, and suicidal. My question is how can I support him? We live in different states. Should I go to see him? Should I just be there for him? What?

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I think you should send him something and just be there for him and do what you think is right and don't do any thing you can't afford for this person

I think what I really want to do is to give him a hug.

Yeah that would be good

If you can go visit him it would help I am sure. If that is really not possible then calling on the phone to chat and support him would make him feel like someone cares. People don't realize how much that can help someone. Do send a card also I think, one you made yourself with how much they mean to you would be very nice.

Its hard to see sometimes in situations like this what is helpful and what isn't so I can really appreciate your confusion.

I would check in often with calls and cards to offer some steady support they will need in this difficult time.

In a more separate way, occasionally I might make tangible offers of help if I saw specific opportunity but it's their choice whether they take me up on it. I would make it lovingly clear that it was okay to say either yes or no to my offers-- that I am not offering to just appear nice so yes is good but I know they need to be in the driver's seat even now and so no is okay too.

I am sorry about your friend.

Without knowing more about your situation it would be presumptious to say whether you should go, not go, call, not call, send, don't send, etc. He will appreciate whatever expression of sympathy, support, love, caring you can give, I'm sure. It is important to stay within the constraints of your capabilities. As chipmonk said, "don't do anything you can't afford".

In trying to decide how much you should do, part of the matter is whether you feel that you and he have serious unfinished business that needs to be attended to. If he were to die before you get to see him again would you have huge regrets to bear? If not, a visit that you can't afford is probably not a good idea. If you can afford it and it wouldn't be too disruptive to your life, a SHORT visit might be just the thing. There's nothing quite like physical presence and contact to soothe suffering. Letting our real friends know how much we care, and thanking them for being who they are seems more and more important to me as I get older.

Life is too short - you could probably make a huge impact on your friend at this time.