Ask Me Help Desk - Is it okay for my boyfriend to spank me?

Is it okay for my boyfriend to spank me?

So I have been an abusive relationship before, but this ones different its not abusive, its just weird. Like when I misbehave he spanks me, he grabs hold of me, throws me across his knee, removes my pants or lifts my skirt up, and removes my panties and spanks me rather hard. We always make up after though. Also, I don't know, I think he likes babying me or something, one time I kissed another guy and he didn't just spank me, he gave me an enema and then put me in a diaper and made me go out in public at the park with a short skirt. Is this right for him to do this to me?

As long as there are well defined limits and a Safe Word is used, it should be fine.

Its called role playing and as long as you are fine with it, it may be kinky, but it may be how he gets off.

You do need to establish a code word that lets him know you want to stop and he's gone too far. If he doesn't stop when you use that word, then you dump him.

As long as you like it its okay.

I may be off compared to what the others are saying, but from your post it's not my understanding that this is something that you're into. In fact, it sounds like he's doing this against your will.

If that's the case, then no, it's not okay. It's abuse.

If this is something both of you enjoy, and you're okay with it, then yes, it's fine. Different strokes for different folks. Not my cup of tea, but who am I to judge?

So the question I have is this. Is this something you enjoy? Is this a fetish of yours? Or is he doing this against your will?

@Alty Sometimes it turns me on, but sometimes he spanks too hard.

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Originally Posted by samilikessexi

he gave me an enema and then put me in a diaper and made me go out in public at the park with a short skirt. Is this right for him to do this to me?

This is the part that bothers me. First off, an enema should only be given for medical purposes. Second, this would be considered public humiliation and can tarnish you should you ever run into any of these people.

Then have and set up a "safe" word, if you say that word he has to stop, If he can not stop, then it is also abuse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by samilikessexi

@Alty Sometimes it turns me on, but sometimes he spanks too hard.

So you establish a safe word that lets him know when he goes too far.

The reason for the safe word, in role playing you would be crying or yelling no, no stop stop, as part of the role playing. So it has to be a totally off word,

Thanks guys! All really helpful, I'll do the safe word and @j_9 yeah that took things too far. He even agreed with that before.

Quote:

Originally Posted by samilikessexi

Thanks guys! All really helpful, I'll do the safe word and @j_9 yeah that took things too far. He even agreed with that before.

I'm sure he agreed that he went too far. All abusers do, after the abuse. That's what worries me about this situation. It doesn't sound like you're an active participant in all of this. It sounds like you're the victim, and just don't know how to make this stop.

Every abusive relationship I've been in the guy was always very sorry after he beat the crap out of me. Difference between you and me, once he hit me, I didn't go back.

This is abuse, plain and simple, and I don't know if a safe word will help. Leaving will.

Just my opinion.

samilikessexi, may I ask how old you both are? How long have you been dating him and how often does he get 'upset' and spank you?

Yes, he is treating you like a child. I hope you aren't one. He is not your parent. He does not get to spank you for any reason without consulting you first.

As someone who is a Submissive, I am going to tell you to not allow this behavior to continue until you both sit down and discuss the boundary lines. Until you do so and you both agree to stay within them, this is bordering on abusive behavior if not crossing the line.

Do you want him to spank you? If not, say so. It stops or you leave. Let him go his own way if he can't accept that. If he is doing this in anger, then it stops until he can control his anger. If he gets pleasure out of it, he needs to explain that to you BEFORE touching you in any way other than hugging and kissing. Safe words need to be agreed upon as do boundaries on when and how he can touch you.

If he won't talk to you about this, run away. It means he more than likely is into controlling you like an animal instead of talking to you like a partner. Don't accept being treated as anything less than an equal in the relationship.

Oh and Alty, I totally agree with your post about abusers.

Yeah, as long as everything is under control I guess the role playing is acceptable. The moment you feel uncomfortable, let yourself be heard. I would personally leave though, this is unacceptable behavior for anyone old enough to think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mmresd

Yeah, as long as everything is under control I guess the role playing is acceptable. The moment you feel uncomfortable, let yourself be heard. I would personally leave though, this is unacceptable behavior for anyone old enough to think.

That's my thought exactly.

The thing that struck me, is the wording the OP used. The fact that he spanks her when he's mad, and hits too hard. The fact that he gave her an enema, put her in a diaper, took her to a public place. That's not sex, that's humiliation. It's abuse.

I'm pretty open where sex is concerned. Not much is taboo for me. I have to say, I'm not a sub, so maybe that's why I can't understand this. Maybe that's why I see abuse. But I can't imagine anyone willingly allowing themselves to be humiliated by crapping in a diaper in public. How is that a turn on?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

The thing that struck me, is the wording the OP used. The fact that he spanks her when he's mad, and hits too hard. The fact that he gave her an enema, put her in a diaper, took her to a public place.

Those were two different guys.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Those were two different guys.

That's not how I read it.

I read that she kissed another guy, and as a punishment, the boyfriend spanked her, gave her an enema, put her in a diaper, and took her to a public place.

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Quote:

Also, I don't know, I think he likes babying me or something, one time I kissed another guy and he didn't just spank me, he gave me an enema and then put me in a diaper and made me go out in public at the park with a short skirt. Is this right for him to do this to me?

Scott, I read it the same way Alty did and her response to J confirmed it for me.

It was the same man. The enema/diaper incident was in response to her kissing another man.

What troubles me is that you have to even ask if this is OK or not OK. You sound very passive and unsure of your own mind. I hope you start making your own decisions about what you want and need and like. Passive people attract people who like to control and manipulate and even abuse, so please sit down with yourself and make a mental list of what goes on in your life that you don't like and start changing 1 or 2 at a time.