This is my situation... My daughter is going on 4years old and the last time she saw her bio father was when she was 4months , there for she has no memory of him. I am now legally married with as she knows "her father". I have contacted her bio father through myspace years ago and Facebook this yr. I have told him to come and be a part of her life under the circumstances that he does not confuse her by telling her his her dad. Now he said no that he won't b a part of her like under that rule. I want to file for abandonment and take his rights away. My husband loves her and wants to give her his last name which she already think it is. So last night I private messaged the bio father's girlfriend who is the only person that I can have a proper conversation with and immediately the bio dad send me a message saying that he wants me to take him to court cause he loves he's daughter. Mind u I live in the same place for my whole life n he has never came by neither has called. He has anger management problems, smokes weed and is a immigrant who drives around with no license. I'm scared he can get some kind of rights and my daughter will be put through hard times cause she is a daddy's girl (my husband).

Thank you, hope someone can advise me soon.

Where? It matters.

In general, no, abandonment is leaving the child unattended at a bus stop. That is not the case. He knows she's with you and cared for.

You don't get to choose the rules. You want her father to visit with her but pretend he's not her father? That's totally unrealistic and unfair to your child. Some day she is going to learn that your husband is NOT her biological father... and she's going to resent you. Your request that he identify himself as a family friend (or something) is unreasonable and ludicrous.

So - go to Court and get visitation, custody, support settled. If your husband wants to adopt the child, retain an Attorney and ask her father to sign the adoption papers. Maybe he will, maybe he won't.

Was he an immigrant with anger management problems, no drivers license and a "weed" habit when you were having sex with him and conceived your child?

I think your last question is a little disrespectful don't u think? First of all he had stopped all his nonsense when we were together cause I didn't permit that around my daughter. Second of all I was worldly now I'm Christian and me and my husband have rules at home. Yes I am going to tell my daughter about her bio dad but at the moment she doesn't knows him and I don't want to confuse her. It's about her not him. I want the best for my daughter. And when he was involved he saw her ones every month. Really imma have that as a father for my child? I have sent him a message before saying I'm sorry about the past and that I wish the best and told him he can be a part of her life, this was about 2yrs ago when she didn't know much now she knows too much and I will not allow my child to be with him knowing he gets high all the times. I don't know if you know but when your high you really don't pay mind to anything around you cause at the moment and for a while your zoned out!! He's son fell from a deep stairwell because he was high and not paying attention. It's that OK?

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Originally Posted by abby_mateo

I think ur last question is a lil disrespectful don't u think?? First of all he had stopped all his nonsense when we were together cause I didnt permit that around my daughter. Second of all I was worldly now I'm Christian and me and my husband have rules at home. Yes I am going to tell my daughter about her bio dad but at the moment she doesn't knows him and I don't wanna confuse her. It's about her not him. I want the best for my daughter. And when he was involved he saw her ones every month. Really imma have that as a father for my child?? I have sent him a message b4 saying I'm sorry about the past and that I wish the best and told him he can b a part of her life, this was about 2yrs ago when she didn't know much now she knows too much and I will not allow my child to be with him knowing he gets high all the times. I dont know if you know but when your high you really don't pay mind to anything around you cause at the moment and for a while your zoned out!!! He's son fell from a deep stairwell because he was high and not paying attention. Its that ok??

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This is a legal board, not a chat board, not a blog, not a "feelings" board. I answered what you asked, and I answered it according to law.

Should she have "that" as a father? Was he getting high, zoned out, neglectful and not a practicing Christian when you were having sex with him? That was the time to think about his life and values.

If he's a danger to your child and you can PROVE it go to Court and get visitation stopped or ask for supervised visitation only.

Yes, if you want someone to feel sorry for you, post on the relationship board.

Here you will hear the deal.
He is the father and no this is not abandonment. And he was a immigrant when you had a child with him so this has no bearing in court.
While driving with no insurance is illegal, it also is not a threat to the child, drunk driving convictions may be.

So you go to court and get a custody order. If he wants visits he can apply for them, and you fight in court what he gets or does not get.

You won't get his rights terminated by itself. There are two sticky notes at the top of this forum that bear on your situation. (Just click on the Family Law right near the top)

If you husband wants to adopt, that is a possibility for you. That's the best possibility If you have any further question after reading the Stickies on Signing Over Rights and Abandonment please feel free to ask.