Guilt is killing me. I am a married woman, happily married for 18 years. Recently I was a bit depressed because of losing my job. I started chatting with a man online and became very close to him. He did not know I was married and I didn’t have the guts to tell him. I started talking on phone with him and had phone sex with him. I broke up with him several times but contacted him again.

He became very serious but I told him I could not marry him. I felt very guilty throughout but the fact is I developed feelings for him. Then he knew everything and was very angry with me. I asked him to forgive me. He said he still loved me.

Now I have stopped all contact with him. I am dying of guilt. I want to die. What should I do? I ask for god's forgiveness every day. I have never done anything like this before. Why did I do this? Will I ever get rid of this guilt? Am I a bad person? Sometimes I want to call him and beg his forgiveness. Please help me.

Do not call and beg for his forgiveness. Leave him alone period. Instead find out what in your life, and thinking has lead to this behavior, and correct it.

You say you have stopped contact with this fellow several times, then let this be the last. Once you solve your depression and do what you can about your lost job, then the guilt will fade, if you let it go.

We all get depressed when we are suddenly unemployed, some get new jobs, some go to a doctor, and regroup, some find new interests, but seeking a self gratifying, easy feel good crosses the lines of good behavior, and makes things worse, and not better.

Regain yourself esteem through family, friends, and family, and activities that include good clean adult fun. And forgive yourself your bad choices, and make better choices for yourself. Then the guilt will fade.

Thanks I feel better I hope I can overcome this horrible feeling but the thing is I feel guilty for hurting that innocent person also

So you make it worse by contacting him to apologize? That just keeps the wounds open and nobody heals that way. What of your husband? He deserves better, and an apology also doesn't he? More than a stranger you lied to and cheated with. What of him? That's your priority now, your home, and family.

I have no intention of contacting him. I already apologized to him. He wanted to remain in contact but I refused. I try to be positive. I pray a lot but this feeling of being dirty sometimes overwhelms me so much that I hate everything, myself especially. I used to be an honest person, very fair with my friends and relations. How did I end up like this? Thanks for your good advice. I can't talk with anyone about this.

You slipped of your path, but got back on it, so don't let yourself get so carried away because of past mistakes. Its human to make mistakes, and its human to feel bad about them, but the trick is not to dwell on them and let them stop you from doing better.

Do better going forward, and leave the mistakes of the past behind. This was a humbling experience to show what can happen if you abandon Good Orderly Direction. Learn from it and grow, and get off the freakin' pity pot.

Improvements can restore the faith in yourself. So improve, and stop worrying so much of the WHY, because stuff happens. Not all good.

Thanks for your time. I will try to remain positive. Guess I will have to live with the guilt of cheating innocent people all my life

Hey, people don't make her feel worse by insulting what she did wrong. We all make mistakes. There's no need in pointing fingers and blaming people. Won't help. Ma'm I believe that the reason you did this is because you felt lonely. And you were looking for someone to be with. That would understand you. Does your husband talk to you? Cause if not talk with him. Then surprise him with something nice! Don't drown yourself in guilt because of one mistake. Talk to someone. :) Ok?

Thanks nikolas 1296 for your support. I try to remain busy now, try not to think about the past but sometimes can't help it.

Tal has given you some really wonderful advice. All I want to say is that I totally agree with him. You are human, you made a mistake, you need to forgive yourself, and move on.

I do believe that after reading your posts, that you are human! And, that you are willing to change and not repeat the mistake that has caused you to torture yourself over and over.

And I'm also with Tal on this one, leave this man alone. End the communication completely with this man, today and forever. Never contact him again.

Thanks jake. I feel so guilty and so ashamed that I can never talk to him. In these dark times, the concern showed by all of you has helped me a lot. Please pray for me

There are few of us who haven't either stopped short of crossing the line, or have crossed the line, or been regretful that we didn't think, or do things differently. Nobody is exempt from making mistakes.

But that doesn't mean you have a life sentence of guilt, remorse, or feeling ashamed, or feeling that you need to set things right before you can set yourself free of the situation.

Things will never be 'right', and you cannot go back in time and do things differently, or change the way you felt at the time, or even really have a complete understanding of why you did what you did.

What has come to you now is the cold hard light of day. For whatever reason, things just came together with this other man, and it lightened the emotional load, made you feel good, maybe it was exciting and new, and it was, at that time, something that you felt you could control.

And those experiences always lead to trouble. The thing is you may not have seen it coming, and when you got in over your head, you were faced with a whole new set of problems, and now that it is over, the regret sets in.

You don't owe this other man anything. You've already given him too much. You do owe yourself to accept that you made a mistake, and when you can forgive yourself, your life will go on, and I doubt you'll ever make the same mistake twice. What you have done does not qualify for a life sentence.

There is nothing you can say or do for this man who was deceived either. It is the risk (and the consequence) when you 'date', or engage in romantic conversation online, that there is deception. We have many stories here at AMHD of both men and women who were deceived, and potential relationships were only alternate personna's, not the real deal.

Be grateful that it didn't go further than it did, for whatever reasons.

All the best of luck to you saschu- I think you're going to be just fine.

saschu, it is good that we can give you a way to work through your feelings, but I am wondering if you need a bit more help than we can provide. We will still be here, however, having someone hand you the matches to light the candle can provide a needed physical contact to give you some sense of stability as you work on fixing the damage.

I know you don't want to tell your husband and you probably don't want to talk to close friends. Would you be more comfortable about putting the guilt behind you if you asked for spiritual help through a priest, pastor, minister, or other spiritual adviser?

Do you think you might need to see a doctor or therapist about Depression?

What can you think of doing to encourage yourself to rebuild your self-esteem? One of the ways prayers can be answered is by giving you the strength to give yourself support. The times may seem dark, but there is a light inside of you. Nurture it instead of feeding the darkness.

Dearest people your answers have helped me a lot. I have to admit I am going through tough times. I have discovered a side of my personality which scares me a lot. Jake has described it accurately that it was exciting at that time and to make things worse, the guy was very decent. What still makes me feel bad is that he trusted me blindly and I deceived him. The same goes for my husband who trusts me completely. So I betrayed two decent guys. Sometimes I do feel like going to a psychiatrist but writing here everything has helped me a lot. I pray hard everyday and it also gives me peace and I know God is merciful.

You are not alone saschu. Not by a long shot. There are few among us, that at some point in our lives, we do things we regret. We have all hurt people, suffered consequences, and affected the lives of others.

Think of the positive here. This is something you will survive. It may be the worst thing you have ever done, and will never do again, because you have learned from your mistake.

There is nothing you can do to undo what you have done.

Why not go and see a counsellor or therapist. It may very well help you to find out why you went down the path in the first place, and how to learn to forgive yourself, and move past this place of guilt you are stuck in.

It is not easy to do, but a good therapist can help you through this. Understanding this whole event in your life, will give you the strength to close the chapter.

You are still the good person you were before all this happened, and save for a mistake that you made in judgment, you are still that person.

I think talking to someone will help. What do you think.

Cut complete ties with the stranger, work on your marriage, and stop looking at the past. Nothing you can change there, seek a better future.

Knowing that God is merciful is a step toward asking forgiveness, and then forgiving yourself. But remember what you are capable of, and always be on guard for it in yourself. No matter who we are as humans, we are ALL capable of great GOOD, or great bad.

Just choose to be good, and when you fall short, get back on the good path. I empathize with you, as having had to get back on the path a few times in my own life. This is a humbling experience, one that you learn from, a life lesson. Learn it well because you will be tested again.

Yes I think I need a therapist. Before this incident I used to think I could never get attracted to anyone other than my husband. Extramarital affairs surprised me and I thought no matter how much you are attracted to someone, marriage is a commitment, should respect it. But now I realize how easy it is to go astray if you get the opportunity. The troubling part is I still think of him, even miss him sometimes though I have no intention of contacting him. On that I am clear. I know contact will bring harm only. But why do I think about him. Is that also normal?

For a while yes its normal to have thoughts of others you have shared an experience with, good or bad, right or wrong, but those thoughts fade once they can be replaced by other, better thoughts.

Thanks talaniman.