We got married 3 months ago, and tried to perform sex. The problem is both of us are new to this, and we are not completing it. We will start with excitement and my husband is not able to maintain his erection for long time. Since its first time for me initially, I thought I was responsible for not inserting, because I am scared.

Now I noticed that though I am ready for my husband will start the foreplay, but while inserting he is unable to because it is not being erected fully. And we end up with dissatisfaction. To use viagra we both are less that 30 in age?

Don't know how to proceed. Kindly suggest. And he is not been with others before, and the same in my case. He is trying hard to make this successful, but we end up unsatisfied.

What you are going through is not uncommon for new couples. Even those with some experience.

I don't think you need medical help. No matter what continue to communicate with your husband and try not to allow frustration to cause negative feelings about being intimate. Try to keep positive thoughts in your minds.

Staying positive is the first step. Expecting issues can be a major cause of problems.

Take your time. Get more comfortable being with each other without expecting sex. Learning each others bodies can be fun and relaxing.

Making love does not have to be 'serious'. Many times starting playful and teasing can put you at ease and make intercourse less 'scary'.

Are you using condoms? Some men can experience issues when putting on a condom. It can be very distracting to stop foreplay to put one on. Actually foreplay can continue through the process by having you put it on him or to continue touching and playing with him. For some men the condom can cause a lack of sensation that causes them to lose their erection. You might try a different type or brand. Some are designed for more sensitivity.

Some people find transitioning from foreplay into penetration distracting. Experience can help. Talking can also help keep the mind focused on arousal.

Does he masturbate? Absolutely nothing wrong with it. However some men become used to the fell of their hand and a vagina feels very different. Usually just refraining from masturbating (or using a looser grip) for a few days can reset the sensitivity level.

Are you aroused enough to lubricated enough to make penetration easier? Are you still afraid and pulling away without realizing it? Using fingers or a toy can help relax and stretch the skin and muscles to make penetration easier. Many women even find that it isn't as painful as they thought it would be. Being extremely aroused can help with that.

The timing of male and female arousal also takes time to learn. Women generally take longer because it is primarily mental. It starts long before clothes come off and you get anywhere near a bed. Men generally are easier to arouse because they are more visually stimulated. This means that he could be getting over stimulated and by the time you are ready for penetration his body isn't. It takes practice and learning each other's likes and dislikes to find a timing that works for both of you.

It all comes down to patience and experimentation. Relax and take your time. Pressure to have sex may be causing part of the problem. Learn about each other and don't try to rush into penetration.

We tried with condom and since its not happening we are now not using condoms. He used to mastrubate before marriage by seeing some sex videos. Now he stopped it since 3 months. We are also using some lubricants if I am not aroused properly becoz his erection is not lasting long. The thing is if he starts to try for insertion within 1min he looses his erection.
I don't even know if I can bare the pain while he is inserting bcoz as of now that didn't happen.
As of now we both are not treating this as a big issue and I don't want him to know that I am worried about this. How to convey all this to my husband.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

What you are going through is not uncommon for new couples. Even those with some experience.

I don't think you need medical help. No matter what continue to communicate with your husband and try not to allow frustration to cause negative feelings about being intimate. Try to keep positive thoughts in your minds.

Staying positive is the first step. Expecting issues can be a major cause of problems.

Take your time. Get more comfortable being with each other without expecting sex. Learning each others bodies can be fun and relaxing.

Making love does not have to be 'serious'. Many times starting off playful and teasing can put you at ease and make intercourse less 'scary'.

Are you using condoms? Some men can experience issues when putting on a condom. It can be very distracting to stop foreplay to put one on. Actually foreplay can continue through the process by having you put it on him or to continue touching and playing with him. For some men the condom can cause a lack of sensation that causes them to lose their erection. You might try a different type or brand. Some are designed for more sensitivity.

Some people find transitioning from foreplay into penetration distracting. Experience can help. Talking can also help keep the mind focused on arousal.

Does he masturbate? Absolutely nothing wrong with it. However some men become used to the fell of their hand and a vagina feels very different. Usually just refraining from masturbating (or using a looser grip) for a few days can reset the sensitivity level.

Are you aroused enough to lubricated enough to make penetration easier? Are you still afraid and pulling away without realizing it? Using fingers or a toy can help relax and stretch the skin and muscles to make penetration easier. Many women even find that it isn't as painful as they thought it would be. Being extremely aroused can help with that.

The timing of male and female arousal also takes time to learn. Women generally take longer because it is primarily mental. It starts long before clothes come off and you get anywhere near a bed. Men generally are easier to arouse because they are more visually stimulated. This means that he could be getting over stimulated and by the time you are ready for penetration his body isn't. It takes practice and learning each other's likes and dislikes to find a timing that works for both of you.

It all comes down to patience and experimentation. Relax and take your time. Pressure to have sex may be causing part of the problem. Learn about each other and don't try to rush into penetration.

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Well making the assumption that there is no physical problem it's clear that the problem here is that neither of you are both very sexually inexperienced and for a man this can be a very tough thing to deal with because of the pressure to perform. Even if he won't vocalize it that's probably the problem. He is either gay(not joking) , he's been abused and he has a mental disorder or he's just afraid.

My advice to a women in a situation where her man is afraid is to take control.

1. get some natural lubrication
2. take your husband and lay him on his back in bed completely naked
3. sit beside your husbands hip
4. put some lube on your hands and start touching your husbands genitals very gently at first. Tell him to let you know what feels good and what doesn't, keep at this until he starts to become visibly aroused (he will if he's physically normal). Once he starts to become aroused start touching yourself.
5. The mindset here isn't to have sex, focus on enjoying each other, don't even think about having sex, just think about how good it feels to feel each other and be close to each other. You are a married couple, this is a normal sexual act and you are free to enjoy the feeling. The goal is to become physically aroused yourself, you will know when you are because you will have a strong desire to have a penis inside you. Until this happens don't try anything. Once he is physically aroused and you are you climb on top. The sex will suck the first time, guaranteed. He will finish very quickly and you won't have an orgasm, but sex is like anything in life, you got to practice to get good at it. Try this method, should work 99% of the time, my girlfriend does it to me unexpectedly when I am not horny at all and boom, 2 minutes later we are having sex.

Do your home work as maybe he is the one who needs the foreplay, or a doctor visit just to rule out other things. You both being inexperienced raises the question of fear, stress, or pressure. It's a learning process actually, and you should explore many ways to rouse him, and focus on each other.

You can research and read, and learn techniques together, trying different things and explore each others minds or tastes. Maybe watch a few videos together. Change positions, and let him close his eyes, and relax while you do the work.

He starts it first and while foreplay I can see his *** erected but it only looses erection while inserting...

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Originally Posted by Mike R

well making the assumption that there is no physical problem it's clear that the problem here is that neither of you are both very sexually inexperienced and for a man this can be a very tough thing to deal with because of the pressure to perform. Even if he won't vocalize it that's probably the problem. He is either gay(not joking) , he's been abused and he has a mental disorder or he's just afraid.

My advice to a women in a situation where her man is afraid is to take control.

1. get some natural lubrication
2. take your husband and lay him on his back in bed completely naked
3. sit beside your husbands hip
4. put some lube on your hands and start touching your husbands genitals very gently at first. Tell him to let you know what feels good and what doesn't, keep at this until he starts to become visibly aroused (he will if he's physically normal). Once he starts to become aroused start touching yourself.
5. The mindset here isn't to have sex, focus on enjoying eachother, don't even think about having sex, just think about how good it feels to feel eachother and be close to eachother. You are a married couple, this is a normal sexual act and you are free to enjoy the feeling. The goal is to become physically aroused yourself, you will know when you are because you will have a strong desire to have a penis inside you. Until this happens don't try anything. Once he is physically aroused and you are you climb on top. The sex will suck the first time, guaranteed. He will finish very quickly and you won't have an orgasm, but sex is like anything in life, you gotta practice to get good at it. Try this method, should work 99% of the time, my girlfriend does it to me unexpectedly when I am not horny at all and boom, 2 minutes later we are having sex.

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What do you do for foreplay?

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Originally Posted by pimpom

He starts it first and while foreplay i can see his *** erected but it only looses erection while inserting...

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then he's not aroused enough which is why you should start it, if achieving an erection is possible it's all mental. Tell him to close his eyes and you just do everything, him doing anything needs to be taken out of the equation because the solution is simple if you just take over the first time until he becomes less anxious about it. Once you do have sex the first time it will be terrible, which is what he's afraid of, but it's like snowboarding the first time, nobody looks their first time.

Once it's over tell him that you can't wait to do it again because it will get better, guaranteed. The best sex is with someone you are with for a long time because you get to know eachother's bodies and minds better. You are both at a 1/10 right now in terms of sexual awakening, take it to a 3/10 by just having sex once. Just try those steps, trust me, it would work on me if I was too shy too have sex.

I hug him,cuddle him touch his private parts.
Keep his *** in my mouth play with it
Bite his ears, neck

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Originally Posted by talaniman

What do you do for foreplay??

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Does he take meds, have medical issues, or have a stressful job? Its no shame to see a doctor, I would in a minute, and still do! Erectile Dysfunction is more common than people think! Frustrating for the sufferer too, and his partner. Age means NOTHING in these cases.

He doesn't have any medical issues...
He is trying for a new job and every time I see him thinking more...
For every small issue he thinks a lot...
He comes to me and starts everything and in btn he will discuss about his job etc. he talks in btn..
Its not that he is gay bcoz he starts everything...
Even he is also feeling bad that hez not able to complete it...
Sometimes he tels me we will buy viagra... but since we are too young I don't let him...
One thing I can tel is he will be under pressure for many things... keeps on thinking... he wants to be correct in all the decisions he takes...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pimpom

he doesnt hav any medical issues...
he is trying for a new job and everytime i see him thinking more....
for every small issue he thinks a lot....
he comes to me and starts everything and in btn he wil discuss abt his job etc., he talks in btn..
its not that he is gay bcoz he starts everything....
even he is also feeling bad that hez not able to complete it...
sometimes he tels me we wil buy viagra... but since we are too young i dont let him...
one thing i can tel is he will be under pressure for many things... keeps on thinking... he jus wants to be correct in all the decisions he takes....

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You have the answer in this post: He is distracted and stressed.

Yes, he will under pressure for a lot of things. What does he do to relieve stress? Does he have any hobbies? Does he go out with friends?

He needs to learn how to put the stress and distractions aside. It may be more difficult to do until after he knows about this job, so be patient.

Talk with him about what can help his mind stay focused on sex and intimacy.

Make a deal to put talk about jobs and daily stress aside for a night. Put your minds and imagination to work building a fantasy world. Work, dishes, etc. don't exist unless they are part of the fantasy. Erotica and adult games can give you a place to start. Remember that fantasy doesn't have to turn into reality.

Make certain he is involved in foreplay. That he isn't getting you aroused and then expecting you to arouse him. If he doesn't stay mentally focused as well as physically, he won't be able to stay erect. Also, if he is distracted, then even drugs won't do much to help.

If you stopped using condoms, what are you using for birth control? If you haven't already, you might consult your doctor about your choices and what will work best for you. At this time, I don't think either of you need the stress/distraction of worrying about pregnancy or raising a child and it is one stress that can be greatly limited.

Its impossible to stay aroused when you have other things on your mind. Ask me how I know!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pimpom

We got married 3 months ago, and tried to perform sex. The problem is both of us are new to this, and we are not completing it. We will start with excitement and my husband is not able to maintain his erection for long time. Since its first time for me initially, I thought I was responsible for not inserting, because I am scared.

Now I noticed that though I am ready for my husband will start the foreplay, but while inserting he is unable to because it is not being erected fully. And we end up with dissatisfaction. To use viagra we both are less that 30 in age?

Don't know how to proceed. Kindly suggest. And he is not been with others before, and the same in my case. He is trying hard to make this successful, but we end up unsatisfied.

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Don't worry dear even my boyfriend had the same issue when I was young but I gave him lots of blowjob for 3 minutes before sex and tell your mate to touch and kiss your boobs while having an insertion. If it is useful reply me...