Ask Me Help Desk - I made a mistake that I'll reget the rest of my life.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating 4 1/2 years. We went through a big rough patch and then things were getting better. But I have a very insecure past and I let my "friends" at the time tell me to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore.and I let them talk me into thinking that things weren't getting better. And I did on new years eve.( I know it was a stupid mistake, but its to late to change it know ) So he left that night and we didn't talk but the next day we talked about it and were fine again. We were fine for a couple of weeks actually things were great. And then he suddenly stopped talking to me . So I e-mailed him and he e-mailed me back that he needed some time to think about the relationship and what he truly wants to do. Everyday since then I have e-mailed him .And he has called a couple of times. In my e-mails I told him why that night happened and I just let him know that I was here and I let him know that I love him more than life itself. He keeps telling me he is going to come down to the house and we are going to go out and talk about things and he also says he loves me and wants to work things out,but he never comes. He was suppose to come today and he didn't. I'm exhausted from being so hurt and I have cried every single day just like it was the first day. And its been over a month. I can't just ignore him, (everyone says ignore cause he will be like oh I'm losing her for good I better hop on it, but I think that's dumb) cause I'm afraid that it will make him think I don't care, and decide to not come back, I ask him if he just want me to leave him alone and he says no,never... I just don't know what to do, I love him so very much :confused:

First you should establish how you truly feel for each other,as long as you haven't done irrepraible damage it can always be fixed, how long is the question and how long your willing to wait ,what's important, is if YOUR happy love those who love you be happy with those who make you happy everybody makes mistakes.some stories don't have happy endings but only time will tell so close your eyes and wait, but Don't wait to long!

When me and him do talk I ask him if you want me to leave you alone I will.. and he says no ,never .And that he love me more than anything, I want to wait for how ever long it will take .I can't lose him, he is the only one I ever loved and the only one I will ever love. He means the world to me. And he says the same thing about me. I just don't know what else to do .I've been completley open with him. We have agreed what caused the problems and we know that they can be fixed.I just don't understand what is keeping him from coming back when he says he wants to.

I feel your pain,the feeling of utter emptiness,loneliness and despairity. He means the world to you he makes your beat and never leaves your mind without him in your life you have no life he takes your breath away and makes your hands tremble time has no meaning when your with him your besides yourself and no one understands I know child it can all be a tortous,heartbreaking,morbid and inexplicable experience he obviously doesn't realize how fortunate he is to have someone care for him so much but I assure you in time HE will. Based on what I've heard be patient he KNOWS how you feel do not torture yourself he's taking you for granted be more conservative and protect yourself because it sounds he's trying to teach you a good lesson and is playing that card for all that its worth

Honestly I think this break up for the time being is the best thing that could happen to you. You admit that your insecure and you make some irrational statements. Now is the time for you to break free and find yourself while solving those insecurities and developing a sense of self.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scaredtolose

Me and my boyfriend have been dating 4 1/2 years. We went through a big rough patch and then things were getting better. But I have a very insecure past and I let my "friends" at the time tell me to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore.and I let them talk me into thinking that things weren't getting better. And I did on new years eve.( I know it was a stupid mistake, but its to late to change it know )

Stupid mistake or not the fact that you can let friend manipulate you out of a relationship that has endured almost 5 years is incredible. The fact that your ex invested almost half a decade into you and you decided that you would please your friends by dumping him is beyond stupid. It’s rude, disrespectful, and just plain cruel.

From you ex’s perspective why would he want to return to this person?

Quote:

Originally Posted by scaredtolose

So he left that night and we didn't talk but the next day we talked about it and were fine again. We were fine for a couple of weeks actually things were great. and then he suddenly stopped talking to me .

But that’s just it. Things were fine on your end. On his end after a couple of weeks is when the shock of what you did to him wore off. When he was able to think with a clear head he realized that if you could do that once, you could do that again. Of course he quit talking to you. The reality set in of what you did to him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scaredtolose

So I e-mailed him adn he e-mailed me back that he needed some time to think about the relationship and what he truely wants to do. everyday since then I have e-mailed him .And he has called a couple of times. In my e-mails I told him why that night happened and I just let him know that I was here and I let him know that I love him more than life itself.

I don’t doubt you love him. But you do not love him more than life itself. And just by saying that it speaks to what I met at the beginning. You need a break yourself to find out what you want and to take care of those insecurities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scaredtolose

He keeps telling me he is going to come down to the house and we are going to go out and talk about things and he also says he loves me and wants to work things out,but he never comes. He was suppose to come today and he didn't. I'm exhausted from being so hurt and I have cried every single day just like it was the first day. and its been over a month.

I can’t say for sure what that means. It could be a game. But part of me thinks he doesn’t want to give up someone after 5 years and is willing to meet you but as the time draws closer he remembers the pain YOU PUT HIM THROUGH and decides to back away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scaredtolose

I can't just ignore him, (everyone says ignore cause he will be like oh I'm losing her for good I better hop on it, but I think thats dumb) cause I'm afraid that it will make him think I don't care, and decide to not come back, I ask him if he just want me to leave him alone and he says no,never.....I just don;t know what to do, I love him so very much :confused:

I think you should call him or email him and tell him that you realized you made a mistake. Ask him what his actions really mean and get a straight answer. Then tell him your willing to leave it be for the time being and work on your insecurities for a period like 3 or 6 months and then meet back up then and perhaps see each other on a dating basis at that time.

If friends can break you up you don't have the relationship that you thought you had. I think he is reevaluating this whole thing and it doesn't look good from here. I don't believe in waitng for someone to make a decision about my future, but a break would give you a more clear view of what's going on. Talk to him when you have more emotional control of yourself.