Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend can't trust me

Me and my boyfriend before going to bed we usually talk a lot... so he asked me that he heard that my friends are not straight people as in that they cheat and sleep around and so many other things and then finally what broke my heart is that he added that because of that he can't trust me completely because those are my friends and I could be like them,I've never cheated on him nor given gim a reason for him not to trust me... apart from that he has never said "i love you" to me and we've been together for ayear now!but he treats me so good don't doubt that he likes me... the question is what could be his problem?does he lack comfidence?should I stay with a guy that doesn't trust me completely?help am comfused and I want to stay with him!

You're still with him after a year of him not saying the L-word to you? Then
You must be really into him. Do you love him? It looks like you do because
You won't be in a relationship if you don't, right? Anyway, I don't think
That it's you that he doesn't trust even though his chosen words are
Pretty like saying that it's you. He doesn't trust your friends.

How did he know that your friends are cheating and lying? Did he come to know it
First-hand or like actually seeing your friends cheat and hearing your friends lying?
If he knew about it through you then you just got to stop telling your boyfriend
All those stuff about your friends. There's a reason for you to not tell your
Boyfriend about what your friends are doing. It's supposed to be your friends'
Private lives. So stop telling your boyfriend anything that would make him
Tell you to stop seeing your friends anymore. If your boyfriend means a lot to
You, you must consider and understand his feelings and from now on, you should
Just tell him all the good things that your friends have done and leave the
Bad parts out.

If you're doubting your feelings for him, then don't stay in a relationship when
You're not sure enough that you're going to spend years with. You could also
Tell him that it hurts your feeling that he communicates that he doesn't trust you.
Tell him to try harder not to hurt your feelings by suspecting you of cheating
Or lying. Tell him also that it hurts you whenever he doesn't trust you and that
You want to be in a loving and trusting relationship.

Tell him how much he means to you and you want him to believe you when you say you
Love him and you're loyal and faithful to him. Don't worry if he doesn't say the L-word.
Try to understand him why he can't. You can't force anyone to do what you want so
All you can do right now is to wait. As long as he's not cheating on you, treating
You poorly, beating you up, hurting you and your family, lying to you, making you do
Things that you don't want, breaking your heart, using you, abusing you, etc. The point
Is he's treating you right so just wait for him to say it.

Thanks STELLAW but really it hurts when he can't say I LOVE YOUUUU! u know... but am going to take it easy... maybe am moving too fast compared to him! but I love him a lot and can't be without him!.
And about my friends he found out from his cousin who is our common friend.I was so pissed off! anyway hope he changes.

He will not change within a month. Give it at least 6 months to a year. I was also like him when my wife and I were still bf-gf. I would sometimes tell her not to go out with her friends because they
Drink and stay out drinking until the wee hours of the morning while I just stay at home. But, I
Eventually changed. Now, I even would push her out of the house on Friday nights.

But the great thing about us, though, is that we can change. Everything changes so just be patient.
I know you LOVE him! *wink*. Trust me, I understand. I think that's the reason why he can't
Say it. Because of your friends' reputation, right? So, instead of hurting because he can't say
It, just try to understand his selfishness and shallowness.

How old are the two of you? Dating for a year with no commitment is different at 20 than it is at 40.

What about my comment that dating for a year with no commitment is different at 20 than it is at 40 is incorrect?

(It wasn't me that put the inaccurate!)
Judy while that may be true in some cases, not that many 20 year olds are that stereotypical party-goer that can't commit. I'm 20 with the state of mind of someone already married. I'd like to settle down and start a family in a few years. I say this, as I certainly wouldn't be dating someone longer than a few months if they didn't have plans to commit. Though I suppose the line of maturity differs with cultural variations and opinions.

Truth is, you can't MAKE someone trust you. It's either there or it isn't. If someone is insecure to not trust you without you having cheated on them, it's their own issue they need to deal with themselves. A year is long enough by any standards. If he hasn't fallen for you by now, he never will.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaniCalifornia

(It wasn't me that put the inaccurate!)
Judy while that may be true in some cases, not that many 20 year olds are that stereotypical party-goer that can't commit. I'm 20 with the state of mind of someone already married. I'd like to settle down and start a family in a few years. I say this, as I certainly wouldn't be dating someone longer than a few months if they didn't have plans to commit. Though I suppose the line of maturity differs with cultural variations and opinions.

Truth is, you can't MAKE someone trust you. It's either there or it isn't. If someone is insecure to not trust you without you having cheated on them, it's their own issue they need to deal with themselves. A year is long enough by any standards. If he hasn't fallen for you by now, he never will.

Agree - you can't make anyone do anything.

My concern over the 20/40 commitment is if you are a female, wanting to have children (not step, your own), you can spend 5 years working out a relationship at 20. At 40 you don't have that kind of time. I'm not saying grab the first sperm donor who crosses your line of vision, but things are different.

And, yes, I absolutely agree that a person who trusts no one is very possibly doing something in his/her private life and transferring that onto everyone he/she meets.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Agree - you can't make anyone do anything.

My concern over the 20/40 commitment is if you are a female, wanting to have children (not step, your own), you can spend 5 years working out a relationship at 20. At 40 you don't have that kind of time. I'm not saying grab the first sperm donor who crosses your line of vision, but things are different.

And, yes, I absolutely agree that a person who trusts no one is very possibly doing something in his/her private life and transferring that onto everyone he/she meets.

That makes sense Judy, thanks for explaining further.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaniCalifornia

That makes sense Judy, thanks for explaining further.

- And for the record, I knew you didn't give the "inaccurate" (or whatever it's currently called). You have too much class for that. You would explain what you meant, I would explain back, we would understand each oher.