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-   -   My girlfriend split up with me, and I'm a bit confused about it. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=647645)

  • Apr 1, 2012, 01:03 PM
    smithy1234
    My girlfriend split up with me, and I'm a bit confused about it.
    Hi. Basically my girlfriend and I just split up recently and I'm confused as to what's really going on with her. We both go to University together, come from the same place, but didn't meet until University. I also live about 5 minutes from her house where we go to University. We had a really good relationship for the most part. Yeh, we argued sometimes and had some problems, but nothing serious. I'm not her first long term relationship, but the first person she's ever said she loves, and she is definitely the girl I could see and imagined a future with.

    The first 6 months were great, we saw each other most days, and everything was great. She does a dance course at Uni, which progressively got more hectic as we're both in our second year. I study Music Tech. As she wants to get the best possible mark for her course, she took a lot of extra curricular dance stuff up as well. This meant she was doing 8 am - 7 pm Mon - Fri, plus rehearsals after, and rehearsals on the weekend. This basically left very little time for us to do anything, and have any fun. We saw each other less and the sex decreased dramatically. She stated she was still as in love with me, and attracted to me and it was purely the stress of Uni that was causing these problems, and the fact she was tired all the time. We went on a break for a couple weeks when we broke up for the term, and said we would definitely pick things back up either over the holiday, or when we returned to Uni. I didn't contact her for 2 weeks, and she then sent me a message telling me she missed me, was wondering how I was and that she loved me. I then arranged to meet up with her to talk about things, and get back together. She said that sounded great, and we had a phone call a couple days later. During this phonecall, I put the situation out in front of her, and said if we got back together, would things really be any different and would she have the time to be girlfriend. After talking for 30 minutes, she said she could see what I mean and started having doubts.

    I then came and saw her for the first time in 3 weeks, and we had another long conversation. She told me that she still loved me, is attracted to me, but doesn't want this anymore, as she wants to concentrate on her course. I tried everything to change her mind, and there was a lot of tears and it was quite emotionally draining. I eventutally convinced her to give it another shot, and we parted ways. When I got home, I thought about what I said, and thought I acted unfair and forced her into a corner. I sent her a message telling her all this, and that she should make the best decision for her and her life. 4 days later I got a message saying she doesn't want to get back together, and that she was sorry. She says she still loves me and is as much attracted to me as she ever was, but because of Uni can't have a relationship right now and wants to be by herself.

    I'm heartbroken. I can't eat, sleep and all I can think about is her. She has promised that Uni would never get in the way of our relationship a few months in, but it has done exactly that. I am so sure that this is the girl I want to be with, so I need some advice. Do you think if I leave her alone, and give her space, eventually she will come back? I asked her if there was any chance that we would get back together, but she said she didn't know. I've deleted her number and Facebook so I am not tempted to contact her. Is there any chance of this working out somewhere down the line, or do you think I should move on?
  • Apr 2, 2012, 11:38 PM
    talaniman
    I think you move on and give her space. I say this because you have no choice but to abide by her wishes and see if she misses you. If she doesn't then you were moving on any way.
  • Apr 16, 2012, 03:22 AM
    smithy1234
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    I think you move on and give her space. I say this because you have no choice but to abide by her wishes and see if she misses you. If she doesn't then you were moving on any way.

    Hi mate. Thanks for replying. Basically, she doesn't want to get back with me and says she's moving on, and that I should to. I know she still has feelings for me though, and she's just putting them at the back of her mind because she wants to concentrate on Uni. Do you think if I leave it for a month or something, then get in touch, I might have a chance of saving this? This girl means everything to me. I've been out on some other dates and stuff, and it just doesn't feel the same. I really had a strong connection with this girl. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
  • Apr 16, 2012, 05:36 AM
    talaniman
    I think the goal should be to build a good life without her, and I realize that's not an easy task. And after a break up, nothing will seem the same for you because it just isn't. I admit, it will take a lot of getting use to as you recover from shock, and start to deal with things you are not use to.

    If she has NOT contacted you, then do NOT contact her. That will only open an old wound that has to heal, and stop and think for a minute, she dumped you, so don't chase her. Seems she is the one with the decision to come back. Let her, and be healthy enough to make your own choice, whether she does or not.

    Sorry guy, I feel your pain, but there is no easy way to go through the healing process. Sucks I know.
  • Apr 16, 2012, 10:55 AM
    mmresd
    It is very selfish to try to change her mind. She has her priorities straight, which is school, and not you are being a distraction. Let her go, if you love her, you would understand that she wants to have a better life, and you should be supportive of that, not helping her choose you over her career. You concentrate on your things and your life, while allowing her to do the same.
  • May 16, 2012, 02:27 AM
    smithy1234
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by mmresd View Post
    It is very selfish to try to change her mind. She has her priorities straight, which is school, and not you are being a distraction. Let her go, if you love her, you would understand that she wants to have a better life, and you should be supportive of that, not helping her choose you over her career. You concentrate on your things and your life, while allowing her to do the same.

    Turns out the whole thing was a pile of , and she's just hooked up with some other guy. LOL. You can you think you know someone, but not know them at all. Thanks for the advice anyway..

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