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-   -   Me and my kind of ex (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=64735)

  • Feb 20, 2007, 05:16 PM
    Chris1989
    Me and my kind of ex
    Hi. I really don't know what to do in this situation. I started working at this store in June 2006 and the girl I'm confused about started working at the same time. Even the same training group. We became friends and about a month ago, we really got into each other. We started going to the movies and hanging out outside of work. She told me that she had been going out with this guy for a year and I was fine with that. I asked her if she liked me or him more. She said me. She then broke up with the guy and we started really going out. Then, after two weeks of actually going out as a couple, we had sex. Then she started acting rather distant and we both agreed that we went into this relationship way too fast. We broke up a day after valentines day. It wasn't mutual. I came up to her at work and said we have to talk. Then when we went on brake I said we have 3 ways that we can go. One we start over our relationship and take it slower. Two we stay friends. Three I quit this job and we never talk again. She said I need to think about it but said it would definitely be ether 1 or 2. Then later that night on hotmail she said that she really valued our friendship and she didn't want to lose it. I was fine on the outside, but I still have feelings for her. Now we still haven't talked outside of work for a good 2 weeks. She has ditched me twice and I still care for her. I don't know if she still likes me, if she doesn't want to talk to me, or if she does like me and is just being very shy. I am so confused and really just need advice right now.

    What should I do ?:confused:
  • Feb 20, 2007, 05:37 PM
    Nosnosna
    Adding the third option in there was probably a mistake... it screams of being overly invested in the relationship. That doesn't help you now, except maybe a bit of understanding, but hopefully it'll be useful in the future.

    If you want something to happen, you have to make the effort. Give her a call. Just remember that going back to being friends is difficult at best, so if that's what she wants, it's going to be hard on both of you. It's also important to remember that there will always be a lingering thought in both of your minds, so if it's just friends, you have to be committed to that, and actually work against anything more happening for a while. Otherwise you may look manipulative.
  • Feb 20, 2007, 05:48 PM
    Chris1989
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nosnosna
    Adding the third option in there was probably a mistake... it screams of being overly invested in the relationship. That doesn't help you now, except maybe a bit of understanding, but hopefully it'll be useful in the future.

    If you want something to happen, you have to make the effort. Give her a call. Just remember that going back to being friends is difficult at best, so if that's what she wants, it's going to be hard on both of you. It's also important to remember that there will always be a lingering thought in both of your minds, so if it's just friends, you have to be committed to that, and actually work against anything more happening for a while. Otherwise you may look manipulative.

    Well thanks for the advice but I have tried calling her (not like crazy amount) but I did call her and tried to c what's wrong. As for the third option she said "if you want I wont talk to you at work and I will try to disappear." So I was just going with what she pretty much said.
  • Feb 20, 2007, 06:47 PM
    s_cianci
    It sounds like she wants time and space and you'd be wise to give it to her. Just the fact that she broke up with one guy after a year and immediately started going out with you suggests that she is unsure of herself and probably isn't viable relationship material. I'd back off, forget about her for now and just get on with your own life.
  • Feb 20, 2007, 06:51 PM
    Chris1989
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by s_cianci
    It sounds like she wants time and space and you'd be wise to give it to her. Just the fact that she broke up with one guy after a year and immediately started going out with you suggests that she is unsure of herself and probably isn't viable relationship material. I'd back off, forget about her for now and just get on with your own life.
    Thanks a lot I still have feelings, but I will back off and wait till she is ready to go on

    Thanks to both of you, I needed to get some good advice and got it

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