My husband and I separated. I met someone during that time and we have fallen in love. My income level has caused some sress in my life and my new mate has quite a bit of money, is always asking me if I need help, and I always refuse. My pride won't let me accept the help. Well, now I can't afford to keep living on my own and will probably end up moving in with my husband again because of financial reasons. What I want, is for my new mate to tell me that somewhere down the line, we will be married, or at least live together. He thinks I'm going back to my husband because I still love him but I can't seem to tell him the truth because it sounds so shallow to me. I work reaaly hard but have a humble career ( librarian). Kids are heading to college and I want a new life. Just absolutely lost!

I don't understand - you were unhappily married, you left, you have a boyfriend you love, you have financial pressures and you are moving back in with your husband because you need his financial support. Do I have that right?

If you love this man why can't you tell him straight and upfront why you feel "forced" to move back in with your husband? See if he has a solution.

No one can force your new "mate" to tell you that somewhere down the line you'll be married or live together. That's his choice, of course. You can be upfront and straight with him and see what he says. He'll either talk about your possible future together... or he won't.

I agree with Judy. From what you have posted so far, it seems obvious that you need to have a good talk to your boyfriend, and see what the two of you can do together, to stay together.

And, where are your kids? Are they living with your husband, or with you and your boyfriend.

Why did you and your husband separate in the first place, and are you having regrets?

There must be more to this than money.

I too don't understand why you can't tell him how you feel. You think the truth makes you sound shallow, when perhaps you just do have a bit of (perfectly natural) desire to share some of what he has, but that it's very secondary to your love. You are overdoing your reluctance to merge them. If there is resentment that he hasn't asked you to take the next step, then you ask him. Tell him flat out that you were afraid that asking to live together would sound mercenary. If he says 'yes let's live together' then you are happy for another stretch of time, right? If he says 'let me pay the rent' and wants to live alone, then you decide: stay or go.

With no more children to raise, marriage just doesn't mean as much, unless religious doctrine is important to you, OR you want the cushion of a divorce settlement. You need to examine any worries about all that too. In other words, accept the fact that in some ways money is a wee part of this, and you need to face it.