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-   -   I am consumed by doubt and contempt. Please help... (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=647115)

  • Mar 30, 2012, 06:39 AM
    drmilimili
    I am consumed by doubt and contempt. Please help...
    Seven months ago my boyfriend broke off with me under family pressure. In the next two months he sent me a few cold emails stating the relationship was over. Some of these emails were advised by his friend and family members. I was devastated--you know what I mean if you have been through the same, because those feelings were hard to put in words. I lost 5kg and for several weeks my mind and body stopped functioning. I finally collected myself and decided to move on. Then he called. We met again and started seeing each other. He said he loved me, regretted what he did, and wanted to make up for me. We live in a different city away from his family so the relationship is somewhat protected (for now).

    Needless to say that I am very attached to him. So much so that I put up with the cruel things he did to me over the last summer. I want to be with him, but in the meantime, especially when I am alone, I also feel desperately unhappy.He had a brief relationship with a girl when we were apart. I demanded knowing the details of that relationship and what I found out broke my heart. Although he ended that relationship eventually, there were about three weeks when he was still talking affectionately to the other girl.

    In the past two months he has treated me well. However, I am often torn between conflicting feelings. There are moments I really resented him and moments I really loved him. It is hard to concentrate at work and my sleep is affected.

    Please advise... I much appreciate your help!
  • Mar 30, 2012, 07:25 AM
    jukiera
    The same thing happened to me this past Sunday, smh but keep in mind that he was under pressure and if he's back and treating you well, it's a sign that he cares and doesn't care what other people saying about u guys relationship he chose you over family. I think you should forgive and forget, everyone deserves a second chance.
  • Mar 30, 2012, 08:03 AM
    drmilimili
    I am sorry that you are going through the same...
    I want to know if it is possible to protect myself in this situation.
  • Mar 30, 2012, 08:13 AM
    jukiera
    Thank you,
    In my situation, nothing has changed between me and the guy do to communication. Try talking to your boyfriend on how you feel. Also watch and pray as your relationship goes on. To guard yourself I'll say to don't get so caught up on all the lovey dovey things he say, don't do things with him that you mite regret. But don't guard yourself in a way that pushes him away. A relationship is a process, take it slow and when you do it will blossom and become something beautiful. Again though if he's not doing anything that's hurting you, have faith in him and the relationship, he's trying, too much doubting could lead to a break up. Talk to god and give him all your problems.
    Good Luck, and to god be the glory
  • Mar 30, 2012, 08:37 AM
    drmilimili
    What you said is so true. A relationship is a process. How wise!
    This may not be relevant but I want to tell you why his family pressured him to break up--(1) we are from different cultures and (2)I am older than him. I would not be surprised if people side with his family. My family are also against me seeing him. But this is the first time I ever feel so committed and devoted to someone else--it was hard to let go that feeling.
    When you say this may lead to something "beautiful", do you mean marriage or something else? Given that our relationship is sortof "underground" right now, it may never materialise into a marriage.
  • Mar 30, 2012, 08:50 AM
    jukiera
    Both of you guys need to understand that YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH Each other not in a relationship with him and his family or you and your family. At the end of the day what Truly matters is how you feel for one another, and the decisions that you make for yourselves. So when it comes to the parents they have no choice but to accept your decisions exspeacialy if your over 18. And when I say may lead to something beautiful, it could be marriage but then again it could be a strong bond you have with one another, a connection, a happy alive committed relationship where both of you are at peace. Have faith in your relationship because it could be exactly what you want it to if you both are on one accord. Live your life happily don't hide your relationship and live in fear with wonder of what others may say, their opinion does not matter.
  • Mar 30, 2012, 08:54 AM
    jukiera
    Also my cuzzin married a girl named Angela and they are of different culture but that doesn't matter to them they love Each other and accept Each other and that's what matter
  • Mar 30, 2012, 09:11 AM
    drmilimili
    Your answer put a smile on my face. We are both WELL above 18 and we live in England. I am actually twice that age limit. :-) I know it sounds surprising why family should play a role in our relationship--it did because we let it.
    Having been through the traumatic summer I am a bit disillusioned about the idea of love. I no longer know what it meant and it slightly irritated me every time he expressed his "love" for me.
    I agree with you that relationship can be the most beautiful thing in life . That is what keeps us together in spite of the doubts, rage, and disappointment.
    Thank you so much for spending time on my post.
  • Mar 30, 2012, 09:15 AM
    jukiera
    Your welcome it mite surprise you but I'm only 16 in high school.. I'm glad I was able to help
  • Mar 30, 2012, 09:31 AM
    drmilimili
    Wow... Thanks so much and have a great day!

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