Ask Me Help Desk - Youngest Child

Hello, my name is Daniel. I am 17 years old and have four siblings. As the title says I am the youngest. My older brother, whom I look up to very much, is 13 years older than me. My second oldest sibling is 10 years older and my youngest sibling is 6 years older. I have always been saddened and discouraged that I never really got to have a great relationship with my brother. It kind of sucks because I sort of lost all those precious childhood memories that transform us into the adults that we will become. My siblings and myself have all suffered from emotional stress because my parents were spiritually abusive, but most of this came from our father. My father is 70 years old and his father died when he was 16 years old. He was also involved in the Army for several years before he got married to my mother. After my parents got married, they became missionaries to Germany. I believe the root of our family issues and problems is that my Dad uses church and spiritual matters to feed his pride and arrogance. I plan on joining the United States Marine Corps after I graduate from high school next year. I guess I was just wondering how I can get through this emotional scars and have a much happier life?

Any sort of abuse is not going to be resolved in one or two answers. Counselors are not bad and it doesn't mean you're crazy if you talk to one sometime. Every childhood experience is what makes us into adults... some people have relationships with siblings, some do not... even if you see what happened to you as a negative experience, you can always use it to better your adult life. I never had a good relationship with my father as a child... sure it was frustrating when I was younger, but now I use it to motivate me to be as good a father as I can be to my children. It's a motivation for me to give them a loving and involved father that I did not have.

May I ask how your parents were spiritually abusive? You're probably going to hate my advice here, but the path to a truly happy and satisfied life is only going to come in Jesus Christ. Now if your parents twisted that relationship for you, don't take that out on God. Although it's nice, true happiness does not come through earthly relationships but through a true relationship with Jesus Christ.

John 10:10
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Jesus has that joy and abundant life waiting for you. You need to learn to cast those cares you have upon Him, and He can then help you to heal from your past.

What emotional scars, I only see you feel sorry for yourself because your life is not like some TV family show. You had older brothers and sisters, so you did not know them well because they had left home before you were very old. That is life, happens to many, I have four boys who are in their 30's, and one son who is 11. He loves being a only child and the things it allows. You have brothers and sisters, some people have them that are dead. You can still build a relationship with them. Or some people are only children and there are no other family. You appear to see "greener grass" for other relationships.

So your dad was a missionary, that is his job, some grew up with dads who are drug addicts or whose days were not even there. Others grow up with dads who beat them all the time except perhaps when they are sober.

Instead of being happy for what you had, you seem depressed over what you wanted life to be like.

You are in the same boat as me. My brother is 7 years and my sister is 11 years older. My brother joined the army at 17 because he could not take home life any more. My at 6 had no choice. Mom turned into an alcoholic after she kicked dad out. We all have problems. If you love GOD with all your heart, and since you posted in this forum I assume you do, then you need to get some help from your church. First you really need to forgive people who you feel have hurt you. And then thank God for the opportunities HE has given you to grow.

I thanks for the input, but honestly I don't think you can really relate to me because my parents twist the whole Christianity concept to fit their standards. This is the epitome of a Baptist Christian. They are the most ignorant and hypocritical group of people I have ever come in contact with. You have absolutely NO right whatsoever to use God's word as your stick to put blame on others. Oh, how we're my patents spiritually abusive? Well, let's see here... ever since I was little they told me ridiculous ideas, however my Father was usually the one that pushe his bogus ideas upon our family. He uses his knowledge of the Bible to impress people at their church, however when he comes home he's a totally different person. I guess you could say he's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Oh, and I mentioned he was 70, right? Well, anytime I just even TRY to express my feelings or thoughts on a situation, he threatens to call the police. He wants my siblings and myself to bow down before him. He always uses that one verse in the Bible where it say "Wives submit yourself to your husbands" and "Children, honor your Father and Mother". He tries to manipulate Christ's teachings so that he can make himself appear righteous in everyone else's eyes. Oh, he even put me in a choke hold while on VACATION in California, because I was dancing around and being a little bit crazy as a normal 13 year old boy would be. He always twist the truth. When I was 16 and a sophomore in high school, I got so upset because my parents wouldn't even discuss how I felt with me that he called the police and was taken to YDC because I threatened to kill my parents. He has gotten in my face before and u politely asked him to step back because I didn't want him to call the police. He in turn, pushed me around. You know what I did? Nothing. If I had he would have immediately calle the cops and had me arrested for assault. So, basically what I've learned from my household is that Christians are the most ignorant, naïve, hypocritical, cowardly, and arrogant people on this earth.

Sadly you are only looking at one situation and not the whole Christian faith. So your parents have problems. So what, we all do. To lump all christian into one large ball is unfair to say the least. Same for one denomination. There are hypocrites in the church, so what? No one is perfect, except Jesus and you see what the world did to him. At 17 you have probably less than a year left under your parents roof. So when the time comes and you can get yourself a job, get out. There are many people who have been in similar situations and gone on to become exceptional people and teachers. It is not about how life treats you but what YOU do with what life has thrown at you. You can choose to become bitter and a miserable person. Or you can choose to become a better man because of it and use your life experiences to teach others that there is a better way.

Thank you, however once I turn 18 I'm enlisting in the U.S. Marine Corps.

However, the cycle of ignorance continues with yourself. You did not learn a thing about Christianity from your parents, that is sure. What you THINK you learned about Christians is really only what you learned about your father. Just because HE messed it up does not void an entire religion. So what if he can't practice what he preaches... it doesn't mean that you can't know the truth. Your father will have to stand before God one day... he's not getting away with anything. You can control only yourself... instead of hiding behind a rock and running from God the rest of your life, take the time NOW to understand who Christ really is.

I don't need you to tell me how to live my life. I have surrounded myself with great friends and role models, however I simply asked this question to see what kind of positive input others would give me.

Well, when you ask for advice on what to do... don't get mad when people suggest things for you to do.

You should decide what you think is good for you. If you want to apply to the US Marine Corps then go ahead. If you hate Christians or "Christianity" that much then go ahead. Free will.. but there's always consequences on what you do. Maybe time can heal you or maybe love. Who knows. It's up to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by daniel2182

I don't need you to tell me how to live my life. I have surrounded myself with great friends and role models, however I simply asked this question to see what kind of positive input others would give me.

Here's a thought - when you ask for advice be prepared to listen to it.

After reading your posts I do not believe that all of the problem lies with your parents. You have a part in it.

If you have emotional problems you are not going to be accepted into the Marine Corps. Perhaps working through your issues before you enlist would be a good idea.