Dear Readers,
Here is the situation I'm having. As you may or may not know I previously posted questions in regards to my relationship with a married man. My situation has changed I have a new post that I think you all will find interesting.
My husband and I are taking a trip to Cancun in two weeks. He has booked us at a clothing option beach for which many swinging couples attend. I'm not really interested in participating in the activities but he his GUNHOE about our trip. To prepare he has recently signed us up on this swing site and ask that I participate with other couple via cam (cam play) is what they call it. I love my husband and would do anything for him; however I did not want to do cam play so he got mad at me and tells me I never do what he wants to do, and it's always what I want to do. However, before we both decided to join this site we agreed if I didn't like we would stop at ANYTIME. That was not the case he got an attitude and started an argument. Long story short we end up posting some pics on this site no face shot and people are throwing themselves at me with majority of them being women…yes women! So he's pretty much throwing me to these women he knows that I'm straight as a pole but yet he tells these women that I will b e willing to play with the right one/women AHHHHHH! Hello but he never asks me how I feel about this I told him to stop telling then that he stated that he's just playing along and its only cam play it's not like we're going to actually meet these people. HELLO! Some of these swingers find this type of thing serious I'm not the one to make up stories about things but he gets online at work and writes post pretending to be me. Bottom line what's wrong with this picture people? So not only do he want to play with another couple he told me the couple has to be any race but no black people by the way we are a black couple in are mid and upper 30's. I'm sure someone has questions but I'm I the only one that thinks my husband wants to have his cake and eat it too. I am not a racist my dad is white but I think he has gone too far… He has told me several times how unhappy he has been but still stays in the relationship he plans on leaving and then changes his mind so now I see it as him cheating with someone else but if we do it together that will not be cheating. Our marriage is already weak to a certain extent but I think couples that live the swing life has to have a STRONG bond. Some swingers say it saved their marriage where as others say it destroyed their marriage. I think doing this will destroy our marriage I would be able to look at him the same. I think I will always have in back of my mind the thoughts of why would he want to experience sex with another women rather black, white, Asian etc. When two people love each other they cherish each other. I don't know what to do anymore.

What do you all think about his situation? I know it's a little choppy in details but I think he's already having sex with someone in the swing scene and their just trying to throw me n the band wagon. I think he's pulling a face one over on me. Even his sexual scent it's the same. Do you think this is his way of cheating or his way of wanting out of the relationship? I'm open to all opinions at this time.

I keep getting trouble posting this, this is my third attempt, so I am going to make it short
Tell him to go by his self and don't bother coming home, the locks would be changed, this is cheating and you want no part of it

Hello n:

You start by talking about your relationship with a married man, and then you accuse your husband of ruining your relationship...

I'm confused.

excon

naturalsprings... why are you and your husband married?

There's been cheating in the marriage, several threats of leaving, he's trying to guilt you into doing things you aren't comfortable with, you both try to justify actions that only hurt your marriage further, neither of you seems to be happy with how things are going and don't seem to be able to come to any sort of compromise.

This isn't loving each other, cherishing each other, or respecting each other, so why stay in it?

Thanks for the feedback, I too feel the same way you suggested DoulaLC. I want out and don't know how to tell him... sad I know...

Start by making sure you have resources to support yourself. Consider talking to a lawyer to go over your options. Look at the logistics... where would you live? Would either of you stay in your current home or would it be sold, if necessary? Would you have help from family and friends if needed?

The point is, don't make any quick decisions or moves. Get things in order before saying anything.

You could simply tell him that you have reached the decision that, with all that has gone on over the years, you no longer feel that being married to each other is healthy or good for either of you, and that you have decided it would be better to live on your own.

Any of this would come only after you have given it very careful consideration as divorce is a big step. Even if you come to the decision to end the marriage, it can be painful for the loss of what you had hoped your marriage would be. It puts you out of your comfort zone, of what you have known, even if you know it might be for the best.

Of course, he very well may be thinking the same thing. You may want to discuss the option of counseling with him first. Perhaps even let him know that you are having second thoughts about continuing the marriage as it has been and would like to do all that you possibly can to make it the sort of relationship that both of you can be happy in. Then see what he says.

DouglaLC these are the same things I came up with so I really think that there one thing to do. Thanks for the feedback.

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello n:

You start off by talking about your relationship with a married man, and then you accuse your husband of ruining your relationship...

I'm confused.

excon

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Excon... I know right again this was a long but short story. My affair was brought about due to my spouses undecisiveness.

Hello again everyone, its been a month since I've visited this site. Just figured I would give you an update. While the hubby and I are still together and he's is still not letting go of this swing/couple thing. My question(s) today is more directed toward the men but ladies please feel free to add your input. What does it mean when a man particularly your spouse tells you he would be okay with his wife being with another man in his presence? How can a man be so unconscious to the fact that a marriage is supposed to be bwt two bodies... not three or four or five? And last but not least. What makes a man or woman come to this conclusion to share each other with strangers?

Its called a cuckold fantasy... trust me I don't understand it either... but there are a lot of people that are into it apparently... and not all of them men.

It depends. Whether he wants to share you and have sex with other women himself, or just watch you be with someone else.
If it's the last case, as smoothy put it, your husband have a cuckold fantasy.
I, myself, never understood how this thing works but basically, the husband gets his thrill from the humiliation and the sense of being betrayed. I'm not judgemental but this is pretty much effed up.

But this doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it's just that he has weird fantaisies. However, if it really makes you uncomfortable (and it should), explain to him that it really isn't your thing and that he should let go of it.

You can write him an erotic story involving you, him, and some stranger so you can meet him halfway. But if it makes you uncomfortable, he shouldn't be selfish about it.

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Originally Posted by naturalsprings

Hello again everyone, its been a month since I've visited this site. Just figured I would give you an update. While the hubby and I are still together and hes is still not letting go of this swing/couple thing. My question(s) today is more directed toward the men but ladies please feel free to add your input. What does it mean when a man particularly your spouse tells you he would be okay with his wife being with another man in his presence? How can a man be so unconscious to the fact that a marriage is supposed to be bwt two bodies... not three or four or five? and last but not least. What makes a man or woman come to this conclusion to share each other with strangers?

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Thanks for the permission to answer you.

I've asked that your threads be combined.

Again - the person who KNOWS the answer is your husband, the man who wants to watch you have sex with other people. For me it would be a demoralizing situation. I would feel something less than loved if my husband wanted to share me. I was once told by someone who entered into this situation that the most difficult part was realizing his "moves" when they were in bed, having sex, were his "moves" when he was with a stranger. Nothing special, nothing different.

Ask HIM how he came to the conclusion that this would excite him.

I would feel like nobody special since he could be what he is to me with someone else, plus it would bother me that he has no problem with another man touching me in that way. I would have no respect for a man with such low respect for me and our marriage.

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Originally Posted by Spunoh

You can write him an erotic story involving you, him, and some stranger so you can meet him halfway. But if it makes you uncomfortable, he shouldn't be selfish about it.

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- I think this will only make things worse because he'll know (or think) she has the same fantasy.

I don't think this is a good idea at all.

I still don't know why she doesn't say no. If my husband wants me to dress like a sheep and run around the backyard I'm not doing it. No, and the discussion is over.

If her husband leaves her, he leaves her - if that's the threat.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

If my husband wants me to dress like a sheep and run around the backyard I'm not doing it.

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Hello again, Judy:

You wouldn't? My fantasy is dashed...

excon

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello again, Judy:

You wouldn't? My fantasy is dashed....

excon

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Only, my dear, if you dress like Little Bo Peep.

I agree, she really needs to say no and put her foot down unless she really wants to do it.

She appears she doesn't, and also it appears he's trying to force her into it... which is very much NOT right for him to do..

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I agree, she really needs to say no and put her foot down unless she really wants to do it.

She appears she doesn't, and also it appears he's trying to force her into it...which is very much NOT right for him to do..

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I think as long as she's discussing it the "opportunity" is on the table. She says no and that's it.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I think as long as she's discussing it the "opportunity" is on the table. She says no and that's it.

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True... unless she says no... he thinks she's still open to it. I doubt he's any better at reading minds than anyone else is.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

- I think this will only make things worse because he'll know (or think) she has the same fantasy.

I don't think this is a good idea at all.

I still don't know why she doesn't say no. If my husband wants me to dress like a sheep and run around the backyard I'm not doing it. No, and the discussion is over.

If her husband leaves her, he leaves her - if that's the threat.

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There's nothing wrong about meeting the one you love halfway. It has nothing to do with pride or self esteem, people don't often choose their fantaisies.
Chuck Palahniuk write books about psychopaths, that doesn't mean he's one. That's what great about fiction.

I understand that she could be more strict, but it isn't easy for everybody.