Hi, I need some help and advice, I've been with boyfriend for 7 months, and for the first 4 months we slept together. Then I found some text messages on his phone from a girl he worked with stating that they should meet up and have some fun, as they both wanted each other.

When I found these messages I asked him about them. First he denied them, but when I showed him his phone, he had no choice but to admit It. He then went on to say that he was flattered by the attention she gave him and that nothing has or would have happened. But I can’t help wondering that if I hadn't of confronted him about the messages, that he would have met up with her!

Please help I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend very much and want to be with him. He says he loves me, and will never do anything like that again. I just don’t understand how he can say he loves me, but do what he did, and now 3 months later we still haven’t slept together.

I’ve tried everything, but he just pushes me off, and when I confront him about It, and tell him how It makes me feel, he comes up with some of the lamest excuses I have ever heard. The most I get out of him is a kiss on the forehead, and the odd cuddle.

What are his reasons for not being interested in sex with you for the last three months? He likely was flattered by the attention; it stroked his ego to have someone show an interest, but that doesn't necessarily mean he cheated.

Did he have messages that responded with the same suggestions? That would be more of a concern... how he may have responded.

Did the lack of sex start right after the text message discussion? Maybe find a time, other than when you are wanting to initiate sex, to talk about your concerns of the lack of intimacy. Don't bring up the text messages, unless he were to admit to something, you just don't know whether that is the problem. Focus on your need for more intimacy. Has anything changed for him... work, finances, health, etc. Could he be angry that you didn't trust him?

If you can't reach a compromise to where you both are happy, then you may want to rethink staying with him... whether or not it has anything to do with someone else.

Lust fades, love grows, and the lust is gone and there seems to be nothing left. Maybe its time to take a more practical look at this whole relationship, to see if its even worth continuing.

His reasons are he is tired, wants to watch the TV, its too early in the day its too late in the night. The messages between him and her were all about them meeting up and having some fun cause they both wanted each other.The lack of sex happened just before the text messages although we still had sex just not much then these texts started and he completely stopped. The worst thing about it I was actually out with them on a night out when the texts started he was stood behind me kissing me on the head and telling me he loved me whilst texting this girl saying all the things that they were going to do to each other. Ive tried talking to him about it but he just says its me he wants and not her although I don't ask him if he wants her. He has an amazing job that he loves as he tells me so every night when he gets home from work. That's just it I did trust him till I saw those messages I wasn't sure what they said he was showing me a message of one of his friends about going out and he showed me it but clicked on her message and quickly moved the phone away from my view it was only when I got home and he went to bed that I got his phone and looked at the messages.

So now you don't trust him, and with reason, its time to consider what you do about it.

Trust and loyalty are essential, and held together by honest communications, and recognition of facts, and not just feelings.

Lack of sex though is a strong indication that something is wrong with other areas of the relationship, so talk and find out what can be done. Talk about everything except the sex, until you find out what the real deal is, and what it takes to fix it.

Talk, and listen.

Girl, you already know what you are going to do even before you type this post and I feel sorry for you. However, my advice is, be confident and leave him. It has only been 7 months and yet he has stopped sexing with you... but finds interest in sex texting with other women. I don't get the logic there.

7 months, the relationship may have run it's course and he maybe having sex with someone else. If you don't trust him it's best to leave him, otherwise you will be bitter and the relationship will continue to go down hill.

It sounds like he wants to have both of you. Whether he is physically involved with her, he is emotionally involved. His sexual interest appears to be with her, but he doesn't want to give up what he has with you. He is obviously not ready to be in a committed relationship.

Coincidence that the sex stopped at home when he started exchanging messages with her? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't really matter though, the point is that he is wrong to be talking with another woman in this manner.

It doesn't matter how much he says that he loves you or wants only you, you just don't carry on those types of conversations with someone else.

His words and actions do not match up. Questions now are will he stop communicating with her? Does he say that he will stop? Can you trust him to do so? Does he even see anything wrong in what he is doing?

Answer those questions to yourself and then you will have to decide what your next step will be. Work at the relationship, and try to rebuild the trust, or end it and move on.

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Originally Posted by DoulaLC

It sounds like he wants to have both of you. Whether or not he is physically involved with her, he is emotionally involved. His sexual interest appears to be with her, but he doesn't want to give up what he has with you. He is obviously not ready to be in a committed relationship.

Coincidence that the sex stopped at home when he started exchanging messages with her? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't really matter though, the point is that he is wrong to be talking with another woman in this manner.

It doesn't matter how much he says that he loves you or wants only you, you just don't carry on those types of conversations with someone else.

His words and actions do not match up. Questions now are will he stop communicating with her? Does he say that he will stop? Can you trust him to do so? Does he even see anything wrong in what he is doing?

Answer those questions to yourself and then you will have to decide what your next step will be. Work at the relationship, and try to rebuild the trust, or end it and move on.

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I have asked him if he is sleeping with her and he says he isn't and he never did, he text this girl telling her he didn't want her and that he was drunk and didn't mean it. Ive tried talking to him about it and he says he will be more intimate with me but its never happened. Someone told me that before he met me he didn't have anywhere to live and was staying in b&b's but couldn't afford it anymore so I now think that might be another reason he is with me as none of his family live close

He would have to go. This kind of behavior with no explanation is unacceptable

I agree with Homegirl.

How many texts were there? How long have they been going back and forth? When did you first see them and when did it supposedly end? If he had several going back and forth, over an extended period, he was drunk all those times??

If it had been a couple of messages, because he was flattered and just joking around and that was the end of it, that may be one thing. But this seems to have been ongoing, along with his responding back to her about doing things together, along with the sudden lack of intimacy, it has too many red flags flying to pass off as just a stupid, inconsiderate move.
Although maybe he really is that stupid and inconsiderate.

Take some time to think about all that has gone on. Then decide whether you want to, and he is willing to, work at rebuilding the trust. He would have to be completely open and honest with you. Otherwise, you may want to consider moving on if you feel that you are more of a roommate instead of a girlfriend.

Here's the thing last new years eve I caught my man txting another girl he was drunk and stupidly put his phone with the text in my view. I only saw half of the text so I waited until he went to bed and then I got his phone and read all the texts which basically stated that they wanted each other and that they should meet up in the new year to sort it out, I confronted him about it and he said he was drunk and didn't mean it and that he would tell her so. The next day he sent me a text message that he supposedly sent her which I know he never sent. I noticed the other day that on my January phone bill he had carried on texting her until the 19th January. So I got her number and asked her what was going on she said that he tried his hardest to get with her sending all kinds of messages most of them stating what he wanted to do to with her and that I was just a tempoary girlfriend until someone else came along and when I asked him about it he denied it and said it was only to do with work as they work together. We have since moved and he has changed his job and no longer has contact with this girl that I know off I just don't know who to believe my boyfriend of 7 months or a girl I've met twice. I want to believe my boyfriend but because he has done it in the past I can't help thinking he's lying and really don't know what to do plus he's said if I mention it again he will be the one ending things.

I highly suggest you end this yourself just because he doesn't reassure you, nor address your trust issues, plus you snoop instead of talk, and he has said no more talking so he has little regards for your insecurities, real, or not.

Remove yourself from this situation, so you can see the red flags for yourself, and these kinds of communications issues, and the confusion over trust in a new relationship, ARE very red flags to pay attention to.