My daughter just had twins. She lives out of town. Months in advance she asked me to come stay for 2 weeks and help with the babies. I was there one week but ended up leaving because it was such a tense uncomfortable situation. She wouldn't talk to me, come out of her room, etc. She would hand the babies to me when she needed a break, diaper change, which I understand. But, we've always been extremely close and I just didn't see this coming. Her husband was there all the time and involved so I thought maybe I was just in the way. BTW, I didn't interfere with advice. That's why I am so confused. I did notice that she was friendlier to me when her husband was gone which wasn't often. Do you think he's being controlling? I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to have a relationship with her and the twins going forward.

How far apart do you live? Is there a way to visit her for a few hours at a time rather than spend several nights there? Maybe do the cooking and cleaning and laundry, and leave the babies to her?

I remember how it was after I gave birth. My hormones were all over the place, and with my first baby I wasn't sure of what to do (nor was my husband) so we were feeling our way with lost sleep and disrupted schedules. I just wanted to sit in my rocker and hold the baby and let someone else feed me and my husband and do the household chores.

I'm guessing you will be more welcome as things settle down. A new baby is a huge challenge. Twins would be a monumental challenge!

Have you spoken to her since your visit? You might contact her and mention that you weren't sure whether you were sort of in the way last time you were there since her husband was there to help as well, and ask if she would like you to come back for maybe another week if she needed help or just to have a bit of a break. Mention that it can be helpful just to have someone to sit and chat with while taking care of the babies, and that you sure do miss her and the babies.

Is she breastfeeding the babies? Could she be uncomfortable nursing in front of you? Perhaps that is partly why she didn't come out as much. She may have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with the changes in the household.

How close are you with her husband? Have you known him to be controlling in the past? If you feel she may be having a difficult time, it may be helpful to mention to him, or to her, that perhaps a phone call to her doctor would be in order. Some women do experience postpartum depression and may need some assistance in dealing with it.

Definitely contact her and ask how she is doing... how are the babies doing... is everyone settling in OK... would she like you to come for another visit, etc..

Now of course she could be mad, that you did not spend the two weeks to help her. She just had a baby, her harmones, emotions are all in a torment. Why do you even think she would just be normal at this point. Now was when you needed to be there even more than ever, not leave because she was not cheerful, did you not consider she has having emotional issues, perhaps over loaded and overwhelmed.

I appreciate the feedback I have received so far. I probably shouldn't have left, but felt hurt because she and her husband would laugh and talk and eat together and she wouldn't chat with me. That's what was hard for me. I didn't understand why she was happy and comfortable with him and shut me out. Maybe she realized after I got there that she really wanted more "alone" time with the babies and her husband? I actually understand that because when I had my babies I didn't really want anybody around.

I did cook, clean and do laundry, trying to help in other ways.

I should call her to try and discuss, but I don't want to add any stress to her life. She's only on week 2 of having twins.

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Originally Posted by RANILSE

I appreciate the feedback I have received so far. I probably shouldn't have left, but felt hurt because she and her husband would laugh and talk and eat together and she wouldn't chat with me.

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At that point in her new motherhood, you were mostly the "maid" and should have disappeared to your room once your helpfulness had been accomplished. I know that sounds harsh, but right now the little family is the center of your daughter's life. The extended-family embracing will come later. (Don't get me started telling you stories about my mother-in-law.)

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I should call her to try and discuss, but I don't want to add any stress to her life. She's only on week 2 of having twins.

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Don't "discuss" (i.e. don't rehash the past) but just cheerfully ask about the twins and how your daughter is doing, and suggest that you do a few days' visit to make some favorite meals or desserts that can also be frozen for future eating.

Thank you all for your feedback. I wish I wouldn't have left now, but it's done. I will take all the good advice and apply it as I can.
Thanks again.

Please please please let us know what happens when you contact your daughter again.