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-   -   My girlfriend loves me but she gave me a break? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=646340)

  • Mar 26, 2012, 06:13 PM
    Picaso714
    My girlfriend loves me but she gave me a break?
    Me and my girlfriend have been together for about a year and eight months. Our relationship has been constant arguments. Not big but small arguments. I am controlling, jelousy issues and have anger issues. She wants to hang out with her guy friends but I hate that because she will get mad if I do it. She says that's how I met her. And that when she met me I was shy. She expects me to stay like that. I don't what to do anymore I'm going insane just thinking about her.
  • Mar 26, 2012, 06:35 PM
    DoulaLC
    Why does she think she can have it both ways? It doesn't appear that your relationship allows for individual growth if she wants things to remain how they were from the start. It certainly suits her wants. But is it suiting yours?

    At least you are aware of the issues you have. What are you doing to make changes? If she knows it bothers you when she goes out, either she has to not go out, or you have to learn to be more comfortable with it. Any room for compromise? For example, she goes out once in awhile with friends (of either gender), and you get to do the same.

    If you can't work out a compromise, and the little arguments just continue to be over the same "stuff", something needs to change. It may be ending the relationship if the two of you can't find another way that is acceptable for both of you. Otherwise you will just continue to have the same situation over and over and over.

    Take the break to do some thinking about what you want from a relationship and decide if you are going to be able to get what you want in this one or not.
  • Mar 26, 2012, 07:31 PM
    Picaso714
    @doulaLC. Thank you for taking the time to read my situation and for giving me some great advice.
  • Mar 29, 2012, 05:34 PM
    Picaso714
    What should I do? Please help.
    My girlfriend which I've been datin for over a year said she can't do this nomore. She loves me and cares about me but can't no more. I truly do want to be with her but she doesn't or does? Should I continue or what?
  • Mar 29, 2012, 05:54 PM
    DoulaLC
    Hi Picaso... it is always hard when someone you care about no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. Sometimes you can't understand what their reasoning is because things may seem fine to you.

    Your girlfriend has shared before that she wants a break. You need to listen to that. From what you have shared, here and in other posts, it sounds as though she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. She wants the freedom to do what she wants without having to consider your opinion or feelings on what she is doing.

    You can't make someone feel what they don't feel no matter how much you want to be able to. It just won't work. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but best to let the relationship go. Wish her well, and move on.

    Spend time with your friends and family. Focus on work or school. Do some things you have been wanting to try. Don't go looking to jump into a new relationship. Take the time to work on making those changes you know you need to make to be the person you want to be.

    It will take time. You will have some good days and plenty of bad days to start, but it will get easier.
  • Mar 29, 2012, 05:58 PM
    Picaso714
    Thank you doula lc. I hear you. It does hurt. Thanks for the advice and I'll take it.
  • Mar 30, 2012, 08:56 AM
    drmilimili
    It is easy to fall in love with someone but hard to get along with that person because the latter requires EFFORT. Compromise seems to be the solution to your problem. You both need to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship and discuss what is needed to keep it going, in addition to passion and desire. Hope all goes well.
  • Mar 30, 2012, 10:51 PM
    Stellaw
    You have to give her some space Picaso. If you truly love her, you'll respect her decision and make her happy by accepting what she wants. Did she just feel that way out of the blue? What do you think is her problem with your relationship to each other?

    She might be experiencing some problems with her career or what not and doesn't know what to do so give her the space that she deserves. Maybe she'll end up realizing that she does still care about you deeply if you just give her some time to think about what she really wants and needs.
  • Mar 31, 2012, 10:33 PM
    talaniman
    Bow out gracefully without drama and start to heal as you disappear from her life.
  • Apr 2, 2012, 05:45 PM
    Picaso714
    Well everybody who posted on my question. To let you guys know she broke up with me after a year and eight months. It's really hard! I love her and I thought she was going to be my wife the Mother of my kids. I thought she was te only one for me. I tried everything to get her back and all she said stop calling me or ima change my number or call the police. That shocked me and after that I haven't talked or texted. It's just hard that she is moving on so quick and I'm here with my heart broken. To be honest it's shattered. I get tear in my eyes just thinking about her. Well thanks for all your advice.
  • Apr 2, 2012, 05:57 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    You were both at different stages of a relationship and were not talking about it. Next the trying everything is often confused with stalking almost, so yes, just go to No Contact and let it get better. Learn from the mistakes of the past.
  • May 4, 2012, 12:05 PM
    Picaso714
    Confusing ex girlfriend
    So me and my ex broke up a month ago after being together for about a year and 7 months. I was very controlling and I was a jerk. Very jealous.

    So on the third week after the break up she went to an event where my sister was. When the event was over my dad picked up my sister. She first ask my sister how is your brother what is he doing. My sister replied don't trip. She was kind of hurt. Then she hugged my dad and asked how I was and what am I up to. He replied I don't like getting to you and my sons business. So later that day she called my mom and asked her again and my mom told her everything. She was happy. My ex said she wants to have lunch with my mom and go make cupcakes for my sister. Mom said OK. The following day my mom told me everything. I didn't know how to react. My mom texted my ex saying that she told me everything. My ex replied how was his face?. Mom never replied. This was the third week.

    The following week my mom invited my ex to lunch and my mom asked why didn't it work out so my ex just totally bagged on me saying how bad I was but had some good in me. So my ex invites herself to my house. She looks in my room and says I hate Christian room dirty I will clean it. So she closes the door and starts cleaning. No one knows what she did in there. Then she left. I wasn't at home either.

    What should I think about all this?
  • May 5, 2012, 05:53 PM
    christiney88
    God!! What is going on! It sounds way too intrusive. She obviously can't let you go yet. Do your family want you to get back together? I think that's what she's doing.. Trying to manipulate them then maybe you might see sense x
  • May 6, 2012, 01:40 AM
    Picaso714
    Well my family said they are not going to get into my stuff relationship wise. They know I truly love her. She knows that too. The thing is I don't know if she is. My family was super extra nice to her because she was my first girlfriend. Note we are 20.
  • May 6, 2012, 02:30 AM
    joypulv
    Your dad and sister are staying out of it as they should. It's your mom who is out of line. She never should have invited her into your house and absolutely not allowed her in your room for even a minute, even though it is her and your dad's home and they set the rules. So I think it's time you moved out of the house and find a cheap place with roommates.

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