My girlfriend and I became got together at the last year of high school. Our relationship became a long distance one when I got accepted to one of the best universities in my country. That was an opportunity of a lifetime and I went for it even though it I had to move far away because it would be best for our future. (yeah, even though I was in high school I was already thinking about OUR future, pretty rare I guess)

I took every opportunity to go home when there were school breaks and meet her. We also constantly called and texted each other. It was OK for about a year or so then one of my friends at home told me he has seen my girlfriend go out with her ex during high school. I confronted her, she told me it won't happen again, we made up. After a year and a half it was OK until another friend (a trustworthy guy) told me that my girlfriend started to go with another guy. We broke up after that.

But I really love her and she was very apologetic. I really wanted to fix our relationship so we patched it up the summer before I went back to the university for my last year in college. However I can sense that our relationship isn't the same as before. Distrust on my part maybe but I can feel that she has changed too. During a fight over the phone last week she has confessed that she has cheated on me just recently and even slept with the guy. Of course I was very angry but she was crying very hard and begging me to forgive her.

I never cheated on her throughout my college years.Now I know that I really should just break this off.my problem is that I know that she is a weak willed type of person and very impulsive . I keep rationalizing to myself that it's my fault that because I was not there by her side that she cheated on me and that she has done these stupid things because I didn't look out for her. I also am very attached to her and used to her being there for me while I'm struggling in college. I just can't get her out of my head.

I know the usual advice is to go out meet other people and do fun stuff, but I'm in the middle of doing my thesis so I can't do that. She and all the fun stuff we had together keeps popping into my head when I'm doing my research since she used to encourage me on while I am doing work.I know I should forget about her but I just can't. Any advises?

I don't think she's weak willed. I think she's a serial cheater (for whatever reason). You are much more into the relationship than she is, and she is using you as a backup when her other, temporary relationships, fall apart.

A person who needs you to literally babysit with her to keep her from cheating is not worth your time.

Breakups are hard. It's difficult to watch this life/relationship end and face an uncertain future.

You have to tell yourself she's not for you, keep busy, work on your thesis, walk away, stay out of contact. It's easy to sob and beg when you've been caught.

It's apparently not so easy for her not to cheat.

"Rationalization is more important than sex. When was the last time you went a week without a big juicy rationalization?" - Jeff Goldblum, The Big Chill

You can play the martyr if you like, it's a valid life role, but understand it's a life long roll.

Once you have finished your degree you can explore your options with this girl, but concentrating on your studies may show you that nostalgia isn't a relationship.

Thanks for the advises. I know that I should stop contacting her and focus on my studies. I'm using all of myself control just to not text her "good morning" as I always do for the past years.

If you can't forget her, then don't. Always follow the mantra "Just go with it" or "Go with the flow." If you can't focus on your studies because she's on your mind constantly then do what you want to do. There's no harm in texting her "good morning" or "Wanna go out and hang" because life is short. She may broke your heart but she's still a person. You can even get something from her. We all get a little something from everyone so why refrain from texting your cheating ex. Your feelings for her will eventually go away but now is not the right time. You will soon realize that you do not need her anymore. So, for now, use her. She used you first, right? You can use her and ask her to do some of your theses or homework. You can also ask her favors and just tell her that she cheated on you so she should do you small favors like buying you a cup of coffee every now and then. In the long run, your heart will tell you that you do not long for her anymore and when that happens then you'll be happy again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Stellaw

If you can't forget her, then don't. Always follow the mantra "Just go with it" or "Go with the flow." If you can't focus on your studies because she's on your mind constantly then do what you want to do. There's no harm in texting her "good morning" or "Wanna go out and hang" because life is short. She may broke your heart but she's still a person. You can even get something from her. We all get a little something from everyone so why refrain from texting your cheating ex. Your feelings for her will eventually go away but now is not the right time. You will soon realize that you do not need her anymore. So, for now, use her. She used you first, right? You can use her and ask her to do some of your theses or homework. You can also ask her favors and just tell her that she cheated on you so she should do you small favors like buying you a cup of coffee every now and then. In the long run, your heart will tell you that you do not long for her anymore and when that happens then you'll be happy again.

---

To begin with I question the "use her, ask her to do some of your theses or homework" advice. "We all get a little something from everyone" in the context of USING people - ?

I find your "she did it to you, now you do it to her" to be less than good advice and, in fact, I find your attitude to be surprising.

You are aware that having someone else do your homework is cheating, right?

Listen to JudyKayTee!

Focuse on yourself and your school! This is very important!

And do not "use" anybody!! Can you live with yourself doing something like that to someone?
It always come back on you, and you can see that its already "coming back" on your ex sweetie...

You deserve someone you can trust.

I think my core problem that I am so used to her being there (talking to each other on the phone while doing school stuff etc.) and that she was the reason I went to a good college even though it is far. She's a huge part of my life and totally breaking off is putting a huge strain on my daily routine.

I really don't want to contact her again because she might do another crying and begging forgiveness session and I'll get pulled back into the relationship again. I still have a soft spot for her. Of course I know I should stop it with her. But I can't do the "meet other people" thing because of schoolwork. And I still don't want to meet new people anyway, I'm finding it hard to trust someone now.

And I don't use people...

I sorry!! I was referring to Stellaws answer for you (not you)!!

I do understand what you are going through... I was married for 14 years. He cheated on me and as a result... I do have a problem trusting anyone. I have now been divorced for 12 years.
It was very hard going from having someone in your life (my best friend) to... nothing... only silence...
And you are right about how difficult it is to fill in those empty gaps...
But I can honestly say to you that it will get better in time...

If you find it hard to talk with her... send her a beautiful letter, telling her that you can not live with someone you can not trust and whatever else you would like to tell her (this is just a suggestion, you do what you feel is right).

As for meeting other people, do not worry about that.
You need time "for you" to do a little healing.
You will meet someone when the time is right.

Hope that this helps... :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kryst

i think my core problem that I am so used to her being there (talking to each other on the phone while doing school stuff etc.) and that she was the reason i went to a good college even though it is far. She's a huge part of my life and totally breaking off is putting a huge strain on my daily routine.

I really don't want to contact her again because she might do another crying and begging forgiveness session and i'll get pulled back into the relationship again. I still have a soft spot for her. Of course I know i should stop it with her. But I can't do the "meet other people" thing because of schoolwork. And i still don't want to meet new people anyway, i'm finding it hard to trust someone now.

and I don't use people...

---

You sounded very much like the opposite of a person who uses people - that's why that advice was so off base.

You will very probably always have a soft spot in your heart for her - she's been a big part of your life and she's someone you loved... or love.

I think you need to take some time for yourself and then decide what you want to happen next -

Breakups are never easy (and that's an understatement)