Hi I am 17 years old from CT. I just recently broke up with my pregnant girlfriend because she has cheated multiple times throughout our relationship. I have filed a paternity test and it came out to be positive that I am the father. Me and the baby's mother have argued numerous times and will never get along. She says she doesn't want me in the child's life nor to have to pay child support. I do not want to fight for visitation rights or against her desire since stating the fact I did not want the responsibility of a child in the first place. (Not because I am a coward but because I have so much stress and stuff on my plate as it is.. Ihave SATS and am liable to go to UCONN for free due to my mothers privledges as an employee there) So for my question finally is there any legal way to approve this by me not having to pay child support legally in CT and for the mother to never attempt (if ever) filing child support from me? ( If this informarion helps.. I have not signed the birth certificate or any papers regarding that being my child except for a non-court admicable copy of the paternity test)

Too late... you are responsible, that happened the day you got her pregnant. No there is NOT a legal way to avoid child support if she comes after it. You will owe it and she will come after it at some point. Get used to it.

If you refuse to pay.. they will garnish your wages, suspend your drivers license, seize tax returns... and maybe even throw you in jail.

Time to man up... you think you have problems now... you haven't seen nothing yet. So best get ready for what's coming.

You can't sign your rights away... and it doesn't matter if you sign the birth certificate or even if your name is on it at all.

This is what happens, She needs money... goes to court, names you as the father... DNA tests are ordered (and you WILL submit a sample) and proves her claims... court decides how much you WILL pay... and it will be revised upwards from time to time... and you find a way to pay it no matter what sacrifices it takes, or how much you have left afterwards... because that's how it works. Hope it was worth it... you have at least 18 years of that to look forward to.

Sorry you don't want to be responsible, but you are. And you sound like a poor excuse for a father. You are this babies dad and it does not matter what the mother wants, you have a moral duty to be the father, you don't have to, but will regret this latter.

As for as child support, she can wait till file latter and you will still have to pay. In fact, if the baby or mother gets any state welfare then you will have to pay the state back if the mother never applies for support.

Just imagine the joy if it turns out to be twins, or triplets.

Ok I understand all of that but she doesn't want me there for the child and wierdly she does not want me to even pay child support! Ijust want to know if there is some kind of legal contract that can be made for this to stay as it is. Forgot to mention her mother offered to take full custody as primary parent in return for me and the baby's mother to sign our rights away but in the meantime she said she herself will support her grandchild nomatter what.. Will any of that still make me not liable for paying child support? There are so many "fathers" in my situation who are good people but end up looking like the bad ones because they are being force into something they did not want and it being accidental in the first place. I don't see how it is fair for the woman to have the choice to basically overpower the fathers choice or in fact "opinion" on keeping the child or not and it does not make her look bad when she is changing both their lives dramatically and changing it for the worse. ( for a teenager to be in this situation who has no parenting skills, an incomplete education, and an inexperienced worklife, this situation is changing our lives for the worst.. anyone with common sense can agree) but when a father makes the choice to either stay or leave he is considered bad and screwed either way, if he did not want this. So as men we have no choice in anything really in this situation which is completely wrong. AND no body can WANT and/or PLAN having a child at 17. A child is sopposed to look up to and depend on their parents.. How can that be possible if we as teenagers are struggling with things ourselves and still depending on others. I just want to get the fact out the readers head that I'm choosing to leave and make my choice in the right reasons and as said before there ARE many teens AND adults in this situation Disregarding all the deadbeat dads whochoose to leavefor the more selfishlazy reasons. Its only fair for both parents to have an equal choice. Both choices for the mother and father require an equal sacrifice regardless so it should not be wrong if a man did not want to be apart of the child's life esspecially if they are not wanted in the first place. 

Is this child even born yet?

Long answer short. NO. There is nothing you can sign that will legally tie her hands to not seek child support from you. Nothing. The only way that will EVER happen is if the child is adopted through a stepparent adoption, or both of you decide to place the baby for adoption.

You did make a decision to have a child. You made it when you chose to have sex. To not acknowledge that choice is both immature and childish. (and I was a teenage parent.. I do know first hand) I'll assume that you know how the birds and the bees work, so you know that there is a risk of pregnancy every time you choose to have sex. If you didn't want that responsibility at 17, and thought that both of you were incapable of being good parents, you needed to keep it in your pants. Sorry to be harsh, but those are the facts. You made a choice, and unfortunately, there have been consequences that you didn't plan for. You will spend a lifetime dealing with them, and hopefully, you will mature enough to realize that you don't need to punish your child for it.

I'd like to point out that once men are able to be pregnant, they can have more choice over what happens with a pregnancy. However, as it stands, women bear the brunt of the physical and emotional changes that come with pregnancy. That is NOT equal sacrifice.

You made YOUR choice when you chose to have sex. Yup, it sucks for men, but what's the other option? Forcing women to go through an abortion, an adoption (which has as many emotional consequences as an abortion, especially for the mother who carried and learned to love the child over 9 months) or giving birth? Or is it just that you want men to not bear ANY responsibility for having sex?

You and she can decide whatever you want. She doesn't HAVE to pursue you for child support. You don't HAVE to pursue visitation. However, the very first time she goes to get Welfare of ANY kind, the STATE is going to go after you for child support.

You cannot legally guarantee that you'll get out of your parental obligations to this child, so just get over THAT idea now.

I'm not saying you and she can't agree on any plan you want, but if she gets state aid of ANY kind (and as a teenage mother, do you REALLY think she can do it without welfare?), they WILL force her to name the father, and they WILL come after you to pay.

And frankly, I WANT you to pay for the child you helped create. I certainly don't want my tax dollars going to support any of the three of you. You made the ADULT decision to have sex. Now be an ADULT and support your kid.

Have you heard of the word consequences? Are you familiar with the idea that people are responsible for their actions? If you "didn't want it in the first place" (by the way, it's not an 'it' - it's a person, or 'persons' like smoothy mentioned) - then you SHOULDN'T BE HAVING SEX! Yes, that's in all caps my young, young friend.

You're full of reasons as to why you shouldn't be held responsible, and you know, if you don't want to be involved with the child emotionally or physically, that's your choice, but you don't get off scott free, if the mother petitions for support, you will have to pay it. That's how the world works.

By the way - your second post explains exactly why young people shouldn't be having sex. It's unfortunate that you realized all those things after the fact...

As others said... YOU decided to have sex at 17, nobody capable of writing this as you have is dumb enough to not know how babies are made. And yet you did it anyway. So yes it IS fair. You knew what could happen BEFORE you had sex.

Want to turn the tables around... if she decided to demand you have your testicles removed, or less extreme, have a vasectomy... does she have that right to actually MAKE you do it? No... you can't make her get an abortion either... You CAN talk to her about it, you can pay for it if she decides to, but past that, you really can't do one damned thing. Its 100% her choice to make.

And as others have said... welcome to the world of being an adult... where you ARE held responsible for your actions... and mommy and daddy can't make it all go away, or take care of it.

As they say in fine nik nak stores... "you break it you bought it".

I appreciate all the help and opinions. I do understand what I have brought myself into and will have to eventually face the consequences. I just always try to find another way at things. There's always another way but in this situation I guess it comes to the conclusion that I have nothing I can do but go off luck if I still decide to not be ib their lives. And by the way yes the baby is born and about 4 weeks old. After labor the baby's mother never contacted me again and ignores anyway I try to reach her.. I still don't see how I am bad in this situation. But another question nobody answered and answer with reality not opinion on what YOU may think is right ' If the baby's mothers Mother adopted the baby for full custody, what then?

If the baby is going to be adopted out they will search for you and make you the legal father of the child. Then you can sign papers to allow the adoption. You still will owe any arrears that are in place. Also if she seeks medical aid or assistance from the state in any way like WIC then they will chase after you for the support.

Nothing I said was my opinion... what I stated was fact. I'm 50, I've seen it all before, numerous times. I've known more than a few people in your current situation.

You may find this hard to believe... but you aren't the first person that has been in this situation... nor the first one thinking there was actually a way out, and you won't be the last.

We may come across rather blunt.. but sugar coating it and telling you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear won't be doing you any favors. In time you will appreciate the fact we are trying to prepare you for what's likely to follow... so you won't be blindsided a second time.

And I do vividly remember what being 17 was like... very vividly. Smells , colors many things like it was yesterday. I also remember how I felt and thought at that time... I remember how sex is so the center of focus for many guys too... trust me it takes a long time for that to stop being THAT important.

That factors in because at that age you mentally try to pretend it didn't happen, because acknowledging it means you have to face it, and internally you are in a near panic over this, and if you can avoid it long enough it will go away. Maybe not EVERY guy thinks that way... but a large percentage do.

IF your ex is ALSO willing to sign over her rights to allow her mother to adopt, AND the state you are in allows for single parent adoption---that might be able to happen (if her parents are married, my apologies for the assumption, but you say her mother and not her parents so I'm guessing that your ex's mother is single). However... I see no incentive for your ex to do so if her mom is helping her. It's extremely difficult to treat a child you gave birth to as if it is your sibling. And adoption, even if it is going to a family member (sometimes ESPECIALLY if the child is going to a family member) is still extremely difficult emotionally. Most young women don't have it in them to do it--it HURTS. A LOT. The emotions you have to go through when dealing with an adoption are the same sorts of emotions you go through when processing a death. Why would your ex put herself through that if she has the family support to parent if she wants to?