We will be married 3 years in may, together over 6 years, which doesn't feel that long now. I don't know where to start, firstly we have a beauiful son, he just turned 2, and both me and my husband adore and love him so much. However this time last year, I suffered from post nantal depression and the most thing my husband worried about was that I started smoking again, he wouldn't talk to me , he looked at me like I was insane.
I seemed to get stonger and returned to work couple of months later and felt that everything was coming together, I had given up smoking so he was now talking to me again, so things were better. Then out of no where, the man that abused me became unwell and was in the hospital that I also worked in, I couldn't handle it, it was such a hard time. I started smoking again and again my husband stopped talking to me, He ignored me, told me I was disguisting, this went on for months. He was controlling me, he'd still want sex so would talk to me that night but wouldn't kiss me on the mouth, I.d have to face away from him so he wouldn't get the smell,
I could go on and on, but things improved, I got stronger and stood up for myself.
But again his just not there for me, doesn't ask me how I am, my mum got diagnoised with cancer and he never asked me how I was, he bearly talkes to me, he doesn't want to do anything as a family, he drinks a lot, maybe 3-4 times a week, he goes to the pub.
I'm not happy, I'm losing myself, he insults me daily about how I look but he thinks its funny and thinks I'm overeacting if I say anything .
I told him yesterday that I'm not happy, he can't understand it, he says his really happy and when I explained to him why I'm not happy, he say he doesn't understand, he says that's the way he is and he can't change and then told me he'd fight me in courts to get our son. He said he'd make an effort, I don't know anymore, I want to run so fast away from him, but his a bully, he will make things so difficult.
Maybe its me, maybe I'm making a big deal over nothing and should just deal with it and stay with him... should I leave my husband?

What 'man that abused you?' You add that like we know all about it. How much abuse did he do and how much effect did it have on your marriage? Do you think you maybe lend yourself to being walked on in general?

Many marriages reach a stage of dreary routine and not enough showing of appreciation. It's work, it's effort, it's a means to an end as much as anything to do with love. Love becomes more something based on shared experience and being grateful for the company and support through good and bad times. Respect, admiration, and appreciation = long term love.

You sit down and talk about it. You don't say what the other person is doing wrong; you say what you need, what you hope for. You take turns saying it. You work out a plan. He hates cigarettes. You want more outings as a family, and so on. Make a list of what each of you will work on, compromise on, and trade with each other. Even if it's for the sake of your shared child, whom you do both love. Tell him straight out: let's do this for the sake of our child, and maybe the results will be mutual respect.

Abuse is unexceptable.
He is obviously bullying you again when he says he will fight you for your son, he is afraid of divorce.
Who else will he find that will suffer through his abuse!
Whether abuse is verbal or physical it's still abuse and I would get out and fast! You are in an unhealthy relationship and if you allow it to continue it will get worse!
Get out while your baby is young and find yourself a loving man not a bully!
Good Luck !

Thanks for yer replys, in realation to <the man who abused me> , I was sexually abused when I was a child and only have being dealing with this lately, during the time when this man was admitted to hospital , my husband wasn't there for me, he was talking to me because I smoked, I don't think that is excepatable, I resent him for that, at christmas day he wasn't talking to me, he didn't even hand me my present, it was horrible, I have cried so much over the way he has treated me, I think I'm done...
We spoke this morning about splitting up, I don't think he really believed me till now, and guess what its all on me, he doesn't know what's wrong, he thinks everything is great, he tells me he hasn't changed since we got married but oh my god, has he..
If we do break up, I'm so scared, what will I do, how will I work full time , I do 13hr shifts, so I was thinking the days I working my husband has him and the days I'm off I have him. I wanted so much to be a happ family, I am so sad that it has come to this, I don't know if I'm strong enough yet to walk, we.ll have to see, ill keep ye posted, and thank you so much for offering me support and really appreciate you giving your time to help me.
X

He talks to you when he wants sex, likely after a few pints at the local pub, and that's okay with you to have sex with him, when he stinks of booze. Why do you 'comply'.

My point is that he is insensitive, selfish, self-serving, controlling, passive-aggressive, rude, and likely an overall miserable person who cannot see past his own selfish ways, to be a husband. I doubt he's any better at being a father.

See past the superficial nonsense, and put a picture of him in your mind. Then, put him in the 'looking for love' section of the newspaper, and what positive qualities would you say he had to offer a prospective relationship. YOu know him well enough to know that things like, 'loves long walks on the beach in the moonlight' and '6'6" former NBA basketball star', or 'Loves to cook and enjoy romantic evenings by the fire', are untrue. What are you really left with. What that is, is what I see. Not much.

Then take a picture of yourself, and put it in the 'looking for love' section of the same newspaper. What would you say about yourself. 'Loyal, loving mother of one', 'in a helping profession', self-sufficient', 'enjoys long walks on the beach, cooking, and romantic evenings by the fire'.

You see some common interests in the ad posted just above yours, but, you already know this guy, and he is light years away from what you need, and want, in a relationship.

Seeing him for who he is, or who he has become, is all you can deal with. That you are married, does not provide you with happiness, security or anything else, including having your needs met. What kind of person (let alone husband), would ignore you completely over the hospital incident, and blame it on you because you smoke? What is more important in that particular point, him being a selfish a**, or you being able to rely on him for emotional support.

And I'm sure I haven't even scratched the surface of how downright depressed you must be, with being hurt over and over again.

But, it is up to you. While it may seem more daunting to face the future alone, and all that entails with custody issues as you mentioned, do you have any other alternatives? Does it boil down to a lifetime of the same as it is now, or is freedom a better option.

I doubt he has consented to counselling, but you may wish to give that a try. He can admit that things aren't the way they should be from what I gather, so, will he walk the walk and make an attempt to go to therapy, and do the very hard work of evaluating himself, his behaviour, his needs and wants, and also consider yours?

He's mentally abusing you -

I'd leave.