Ask Me Help Desk - Why not terminate

Hi I have a child who hasn't seen or heard from her father in about 3 years. At that time he decided he needed to move out of state even though that would mean probably not seeing him. I did all I could in trying to locate the father after he moved and then he decided to move back to the area. In doing so he decided to start paying child support again. He has yet to contact me and let me know he moved back I found out through my own private sources. What kind of rights do I have of withholding visitations since he hasn't cared enough to call or write or contact in any way in the past 3 years. It would be way too hard on the child to hand him over to him after such a long time apart. The last time they had their visitations it caused so much pain that he actually was put in child play therapy. Do I have any rights to with hold? And if so for how long?

More information is needed here - were you married to this man and there was a divorce that stipulated custody and visitation? You do have rights and your child has rights and his Dad has rights - you all have them. I am more worried about your child's rights here.

How did your ex get by so far by "deciding to pay child support"? Was it not ordered? Is there back support to pay? If so, why hasn't his taxes or wages been garnished until that debt is met?

If you have total and sole custody of your child, you can set visitation - you do not have to just hand over your child. You can stupilate that visitations will be made with supervision - at your county social services office or some neutral place (if you do not want the ex at your residence). If your ex comes to your residence, make sure there is a neutral party there not only to monitor but to mediate, as I think there is enough bad feelings between you two and this will affect your child.

If you have not contacted an attorney verses in Family Law, please do so. Every state has a Legal Assistance agency and offers legal services on a sliding scale fee. Is your son currently in any therapy? Are you? It does not sound like a bad idea - you could benefit from some relationship counseling dealing with your ex and your feelings. I would also hope that whatever you feel for your ex (in the negative sense) you keep from your child. The best way to taint a child's perspective of their absent parent is to hear all the bad things that person did. Maybe your ex is the lowest life form in your eyes. But your child will pick that up and adopt those feelings. Yes, I understand your need to protect your child but do not use your child as a buffer.

Good luck.

My question here is makes you think he will ask for visitation? Why not cross that bridge if it comes to it. But he is legally entiteld to anything ordered by the court. You would have to file a petition in Family Court to change the court order.

In addition to provide more info. Yes we were married, now I have remarried, and the new husband is looking to try to adopt the child in question. This would be the best move for the child for all the reasons, stability, lovingness, feeling wanted, ect... anyway so we consulted a couple of lawyers since the ex doesn't contact and is very irresponsible with payment of support. This child is the only child in this mixed family that has a different last name and since they are in school it makes it a daily reminder that he is different. Even though we remind him that that doesn't mean he is any less special. And as I said the child already spent about a year in counciling which tells me that the ex should stay gone since we haven't needed counseling for the last 2 years. But I think that the suggestions I have been given helped I will look into the option of changing the visitation status to protect my child. It isn't fair to feel not wanted for so long and then to have him step back in to his life like it is all OK. Being a father is not a part time job it is a god given responsiblilty and if you don't want it do something about it. Making a child feel unwanted is unacceptable.

I wish you the very best in getting legal help for your situation, because you really need that approach to ensure the best for your son. Am happy to hear your husband wants to adopt your child. Hope it all works out.

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Originally Posted by abcangels

Yes we were married, now I have remarried, and the new husband is looking to try to adopt the child in question.

That does change the picture. Generally this is where the courts do favor the relinquishment of rights in favor of an adoptive parent. However, the relinquishment of rights, still doesn't remove the obligations, it's the act of adoption that does that. The adopting parent assumes the obligations.