I'm a 29 year old that has never had a orgasm. I find that my **** hurts after a while of masturbating or my boyfriend is rubbing it... so I normally stop. I really enjoy having sex but when I start to get that feeling like I need to pee which must mean that I'm getting close to orgasm, I make him stop. I have no idea why I do it, I've done this with every boyfriend I've ever had. Maybe I'm scared of the unknown? I wonder if anyone else has this problem. I have no issues with sex, quite the opposite. Is there something wrong with me?

Miss R Johnston,

First, I would like to welcome you to this great, beautiful, wonderful and extremely helpful site!

If you face this problem with every sex-partner or boyfriend, it is really an issue. Moreover, what about when you masturbate? I want to inform you that this problem often occurs initially, but if it persists, even after you had sex a few times, it is an issue of concern and you need to consult some sex specialist, a medico.

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Originally Posted by MissRJohnston

I'm a 29 year old that has never had a orgasm. I find that my **** hurts after a while of masturbating or my boyfriend is rubbing it...so I normally stop. I really enjoy having sex but when I start to get that feeling like I need to pee which must mean that I'm getting close to orgasm, I make him stop. I have no idea why I do it, I've done this with every boyfriend I've ever had. Maybe I'm scared of the unknown? I wonder if anyone else has this problem. I have no issues with sex, quite the opposite. Is there something wrong with me?

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If this is the case with every boyfriend you've ever had, it's an issue. Do you achieve orgasm when you masturbate?

There isn't anything wrong with you. When you say it hurts, is it an ache? Sometimes it can ache if we're getting close! If I were you, I'd have longer foreplay, so you're closer to orgasm, and less likely to want to stop.

x Dani

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Have you ever been sexually abused or raped? At any time in your life?

It sounds like not only is this a physical problem. But you also seem to have a mental block against it.

She calls it the "unknown" I would read into this that she has not done this ever and perhaps she does not masterbate?

Don't put so much attention on one spot. If you are manipulating your clitoris until it is sore, then you are ignoring all of the other erogenous zones such as your entire body and mind.

Orgasm for women is more mental than physical. It starts in our brains and our bodies follow. Try thinking about what feels good. Build fantasies around what you like. Use words to paint pictures in your mind that excite you. Touch every part of your body except your clitoris. Vary the pressure and other tactile sensations. Allow each of your senses to get into the act. Your brain is processing details that consciously you may not be aware of.

Let yourself go. Yes, getting close to climaxing can feel like a need to pee. One of the things about climaxing is the need to let go of being self-conscious. Accept that sex is messy, noisy and can be smelly. But it also feels great and if you are having fun and enjoying the moment, the rest doesn't matter. Have you talked to your boyfriend about being afraid you are going to pee if you climax?

Don't get caught up in thinking that you have to have an orgasm for sex to feel good or be 'complete'. Putting pressure on yourself to climax, may be one of the reasons you are having problems having one. Remember that the brain is where an orgasm begins. It doesn't respond well if there are distractions such as pressure or fear. Trying to reach a finish line is a distraction for it. Sex for women isn't about a destination. It is about the journey. Go into sex with the thought of enjoying the scenery. Throw the map out the window and have fun. Explore the highways and the byways.

If the sensations become too strong and distracting, back off what is causing you to shut down but don't stop. Change position or angle. Concentrate on other areas. Instead of you being the focus, shift your focus to him. It might help you feel less like you are losing control.

If you are afraid of 'the unknown', do you trust your boyfriend to keep you safe? Orgasm is a very vulnerable time, but it doesn't have to be scary if you trust the person you are with to protect you.

I have this problem too ! I masturbate often using my fingers or my vibrator. I can reach the point where my muscles contract and my clot is so sensitive and I really feel like I need to pee and then I just stop. I turn the vibrator off or I just stop using my fingers. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now he's always willing to put the effort in with his fingers, orally, trying different positions but as soon as I reach that point I clamp my legs shut or push him away. It's not that it doesn't feel good because it feels absolutely amazing I just can't help but stop it. Do you think it could be a mental block of some sort or is there something physically wrong with me ? I do want to reach orgasm I really do from what I've been able to feel I can't imagine how much more pleasurable it can get but I'd like to find out ! Any help and advice is welcome !

I pretty much have the same problem. I'm starting to think it is a mental thing. I am 31 and I started having sex last year. I was waiting until I was married but things happen and I think maybe I feel guilty about not being married that I can't really let myself go. I can orgasm with my vibrator but when a guy is trying with his hands it becomes really intense and I make him stop.