Ask Me Help Desk - Should I leave my hot tempered, angry boyfriend off the birth certificate ?

I have a boyfriend, who I've broken up with about 12 times. Now I am finally done, I'm pregnant,
At first he wanted me to keep it. Twice we got into arguments, he told me to go have an abortion. That shows he has no respect for this baby. And we've even argued that he will "see his daughter" when he damn well pleases. He has a long criminal history and a slight problem with pain medication. I am terrified, once of these arguments, or when I'm finally able to leave him completely, he will take off with my daughter, I know he will. Or have her when he falls off the wagon and gets high, noway I want to deal with that. The best interest of my daughter is to leave his name off.

Umm no. First, depending on where you are, it may be illegal to leave him off. Second, all he has to do is go to court to establish custody. So leaving him off is only a delaying tactic. Third, if you want support from him (and it is in the best interests of your daughter to get support) you will need to establish him as the legal father. Or, if you apply for public assistance they will require he be named.

So leaving him off the birth certificate does almost nothing to protect your child. What you should do, is, as soon as your daughter is born, go to court to establish custody and prevent his having visitation as well as establishing a support order.

To prevent or limit his visitation you will have to prove he is a danger to the child. One of the things that will be brought up is, if this person was so terrible, why did you engage in sex with him?

Leaving him "off" the birth certificate really does little, it just causes everyone to have to prove his paternity latter. He merely has to ask for a DNA test to be proven the father to have all the rights he would if he was on the birth certificate.

What you need is a custody order after the child is born, and prove to the court he is a danger to the child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

... First, depending on where you are, it may be illegal to leave him off. ...

In most places, an unwed mother is not given the option to "put the father on" the birth certificate. He would have to sign an affidavit of paternity.

I just want to remind everyone that just because a person is taken to court for child support doesn't mean you will get anything! I am about to have my second child and little did I know that this guy would turn out to be a piece of too. I am trying to decide whether I should place his name on the birth certificate or not and I'm not finding much information that is helpful. But I just want to say that the "donor" for my first child did sign the birth certificate only because he wanted the credit praise for being a dad and none of the responsibility. So all you people who want to throw the issue of getting support into the situation, you should think before you speak. It is very easy for a deadbeat guy to run from child support. My ex has been doing it for four years now. The state went after him, not me. It would be easier to just cut all ties with him. I don't want his money anyway and he doesn't deserve rights. It's not like you're going to forget the father's name to tell your child later on. I'm sorry I can't tell you whether it will hinder him from having rights or not, I am still trying to find that out for myself. But I totally feel for you and understand your situation. You are looking out for the best interest of your child. I'm in a similar situation now and just want my children to be safe. I'm sorry that guys can so easily fool good-hearted women. Good luck with everything!

Quote:

Originally Posted by krazy_kitten

So all you people who want to throw the issue of getting support into the situation, you should think before you speak. It is very easy for a deadbeat guy to run from child support.

First, this question is over three months old and the OP never responded to advice. Second, you are wrong about support. Yes it is true that there are many dead beat dads out there and getting a support award doesn't mean collecting support. But that doesn't mean not applying for support. It still should be done.

As noted leaving the father off the birth certificate is, at best, a delaying tactic. It has nothing to do with the ultimate granting of parental rights.

I'm sorry you have a problem with judging the character of the men you choose to sleep with. You are not alone in that. Too many women don't do due diligence before they consent to sex. Any time you engage in sexual intercourse you risk a pregnancy. I've said this before, if every woman thought about whether they wanted the guy to be a father to their child before opening their legs, there would be fewer posts such as yours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by krazy_kitten

I just want to remind everyone that just because a person is taken to court for child support doesn't mean you will get anything! I am about to have my second child and little did I know that this guy would turn out to be a piece of too. I am trying to decide whether I should place his name on the birth certificate or not and I'm not finding much information that is helpful. But I just want to say that the "donor" for my first child did sign the birth certificate only because he wanted the credit praise for being a dad and none of the responsibility. So all you people who want to throw the issue of getting support into the situation, you should think before you speak. It is very easy for a deadbeat guy to run from child support. My ex has been doing it for four years now. The state went after him, not me. It would be easier to just cut all ties with him. I don't want his money anyways and he doesn't deserve rights. It's not like you're going to forget the father's name to tell your child later on. I'm sorry I can't tell you whether it will hinder him from having rights or not, I am still trying to find that out for myself. But I totally feel for you and understand your situation. You are looking out for the best interest of your child. I'm in a similar situation now and just want my children to be safe. I'm sorry that guys can so easily fool good-hearted women. Good luck with everything!

When I read a post like this it saddens me that there is a person claiming the best interest of the child when in fact it is not. The child may be better served by being adopted out. Your track record of bitterness and victimhood does nothing to serve the child. If the state went after the father for support then it means they had to step in because you didn't have the means to care for the child. So the rest of us are having to pay for your shortcomings.

In the real world it serves the child to go after support even if it is not collected right away because arrears last a lifetime and can not be dismissed. Child support is for the child. Why would any responsible parent reject it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by krazy_kitten

I just want to remind everyone that just because a person is taken to court for child support doesn't mean you will get anything! I am about to have my second child and little did I know that this guy would turn out to be a piece of too. I am trying to decide whether I should place his name on the birth certificate or not and I'm not finding much information that is helpful. But I just want to say that the "donor" for my first child did sign the birth certificate only because he wanted the credit praise for being a dad and none of the responsibility. So all you people who want to throw the issue of getting support into the situation, you should think before you speak. It is very easy for a deadbeat guy to run from child support. My ex has been doing it for four years now. The state went after him, not me. It would be easier to just cut all ties with him. I don't want his money anyways and he doesn't deserve rights. It's not like you're going to forget the father's name to tell your child later on. I'm sorry I can't tell you whether it will hinder him from having rights or not, I am still trying to find that out for myself. But I totally feel for you and understand your situation. You are looking out for the best interest of your child. I'm in a similar situation now and just want my children to be safe. I'm sorry that guys can so easily fool good-hearted women. Good luck with everything!

I see no concern for the children here.

I do see a woman who had sex with two losers. You'd think she'd learn after the first one.

Another case where she doesn't "need the money." Meanwhile there's a real good chance that the taxpayers are footing the bill - I notice the "State" (welfare) went after father #1.