My six year old daughter has been "playing with herself"... I don't know how to react... I know for a fact she has seen porn on at least 3 occasions... and since then has tried to find it again... I have locked all adult material away since I caught her... but she still goes looking in our bedroom to see if she can find it... I have told her those aren't for kids and that the people in them are being sick/dirty, but I don't know how much she "needs" to know... and I don't know exactly how much she saw...

Hello A:

First off, I'd NEVER tell her the people in the videos are doing sick/dirty things, when she found them in YOUR bedroom. That's a MIXED message if I ever heard one.

Secondarily, masturbating is NORMAL. 6 year old's do it. BABY'S do it. Don't make her feel like a freak.. THAT message is worse than the first one. I'd even admit to her that YOU do it yourself...

excon

What she's doing is completely natural. I can understand you maybe not wanting her to look at porn but masturbating is natural and to make her think it's twisted in some way is definitely not the message you want to be giving her.

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Originally Posted by excon

I'd even admit to her that YOU do it yourself...

excon

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Well, I wouldn't go THAT far. She's too young for that. However, she's not too young to be taught that this should be done in private.

I think the "sick and dirty" part only confuses the child and makes her feel "dirty." You also sent a very mixed message about you and your sexual activities.

But, yes, some activities are private. This is one of them.

Does she act out with other children?

I agree with most people here, saying that its natural. I remember doing it from a young age; but I would tell her that that's something that she needs to do in private, that its her own special thing just for her. She is too young to know about sex though. People masturbate, not because of the sexual side of it, but because it feels good, that's something that people discover from a young age quite often.
I would keep any adult material away from her, period. Get rid of it if you have to.
What kind of shows do you let her watch? When I first got with my boyfriend, both he and his sons mom would let there (at the time 7 year old) son watch just about anything. His favorite movie at the time was Ladies Man. Not appropriate for children, neither is Family Guy. Don't let your daughter watch things that portray sex, keep that out of her head as much as you can until its time to start teaching her and when that time comes do it right, not by TV and movies that won't teach her the proper things.
I would also suggest that you find some books. I just got my boyfriend some, they have them for boys, girls or both. Find one that is very mild on the subject, and find some that are aimed at the parents. Check out Amazon, they have good deals. These books teach about the feeelings that are brought on by puberty, what's happening to the body during that time as well as the subject about masturbation. Find one that you would feel comfortable giving her, not necessarly based on the age appropriate marks but on how mature she is. Read it to her, discuss it, talk to her honestly.
One last thing. I also agree you shouldn't say that those people are neccasarly dirty. Teach her one day when she's older about the porn industry, those people are dirty. But you don't want her to grow up thinking of sex in a bad way. Its can be a beautiful thing in the right situation. Teach her the importance of waiting for the right person and things like that (those books will help). You may also conisder trying out a children's counselor, it never hurts having someone else shed some light on a subject, you could find a way to look at this you may never have thought of.
I would strongly suggest that you really have her learn that this is a private matter though, so she's not blabbing about it at school. But like I said do not put this in a negative light, because everything you teach your daughter now, shapes her into the person she will become. Find the happy medium.
Good Luck

*I got my boyfriends son those books, not my boyfriend :)*

My problem is - and I'm a stepmother - I don't think it's appropriate for the father's girlfriend to be discussing masturbation or sex or anything in between with a 6 year old. For that matter, I'm not sure it's appropriate at any age.

I leave that to the father and mother, and I'm the STEPmother.

Or did I misunderstand you?

And, yes, my stepchildren asked me questions that I answered with my husband present - I think both parents should be in agreement and I wasn't one of the parents, not would I offend their mother.

I agree that it is normal. I agree that you should not talk the way you did about sex, but you do need to say that which is healthy and respectful in relation to your marriage. You should also get rid of those videos or any magazines. It is dangerous around children. The fact that you say she has seen porn three times, says that your home is not a secure environment, in this regard. It is good that you seek out help in what to say to your daughter. Your six year old need only know what is appropriate for her age. You need to child-proof your home for her whole childhood.

I must add, that although it is normal to feel yourself as a child, it should not be encouraged, either; private, or otherwise. We need to practice self-control, as it could become a habit and become harmful. Perhaps you could give her something new or exciting to distract her, like a hobby.

There are wonderful wholesome guides to teach children about sex at different stages, in the religion section in bookstores. Wisdom and guidance for parents! Give it a try!

Respectfully,
MJ

You actually made it worst when you said " Sick and dirty" that's just confusing the poor little girl. I think you made her feel more bad then she did before.