I am a 30 year old woman and I think that I love two men at the same time and I don't know what to do. About 7 years ago I met man no.1, we had a more or less happy relationship although I have to say that every now and then I had doubts that he is the one I want to spend my life with, and the one I truly and deeply love. He is very smart and good looking man who is very protective and always knows the right thing to do. However, when I spent time with my friends without him, I was often flirting with other men. I broke with up with him within the 7 years twice. The second time was definite. It happened almost 2 years ago.

Man no.1 and I decided to move abroad for study and working after we were about 3 years together. We have supported each other in every way we could. Although I loved him, I didn't like the sex we had so much. I never could really enjoy it. After 3 years or less, we had sex less and less. It happened that we had sex only every 3 months. He was very frustrated because he loved me and he wanted to be close to me. I felt very guilty as I know that I should have given him what he wanted, but I could not do it. I started having huge doubts about our relationship, but I was not strong enough to leave him. After one year living in the new town I met a few new girlfriends I went regularly out with them to bars and nightclubs. I never took my boyfriend with us as I felt that he would "ruin" my fun and reduce my chances to meet someone else. I cheated on him twice with the same guy I met through a friend and I didn't feel much of guilt toward man no.1. I was very frightened about the fact that I didn't feel guilty at all and decided to split up with him. We remained friends and continued living with each other as we could not get out of the rental agreement we have signed together.

After 3 months we broke up, I met man no. 2 through a friend by chance. He is not my nationality, speaks another language and is used to live in another culture as me. It was attraction from the very first minute when we spoke. He is very different from man no. 1 that means he is more emotional, crazy and bad organized. We went out together and were crazy in love with each other. I had the feeling that he is the man I want to spend my life with although he was not perfect neither because I felt he does not always know what to do. He is a very lovely and handsome man with a big heart. I moved into his flat after 3 months and we were happy. Although we had some trouble with each other because we were both unhappy with our jobs and our living situation in our flat and this town. The town we both live in is extraordinary expensive. Both of our jobs are not very interesting and don't satisfy us. I was thinking about moving back to my home country for already a while as I have the opportunity to buy my own flat in a great town, have the time and money to find my dream job, etc. Thanks to my family. I wish I could take man no. 2 with me. Because he does not speak my mother tongue fluently and have difficulties in finding a job in my home country, we fight against a huge problem.

Moreover, we are arguing a lot. I started comparing him with man no.1 which I am still in touch with although man no. 2 has forbidden me to stay in touch with him. Man no. 2 is very jealous and he know that man no. 1 and I remained very close to each other. Man no.1 has still strong feelings for me.

This week man no. 1 asked me to give our relationship another last chance before I might leave the country and go back home.
I am very confused now. On the one hand I want to be egoistic, go back to my home country, get my own flat, find a nice job without any pressure and get away from the busy and stressful life I had the last four years. On the other hand, I don't want man no. 1 and man no. 2 to remain in my life and I want them to be close to me.

Man no. 1 expects me to move out from man no. 2 I find out if we can still be together or not until I move back to my home country which I planned to return to by the end of May 2012.

My mind says that I should split up with man no. 1 and man no. 2, move back to my home country and start a brand new life. Unfortunately, my heart does not give me an answer apart from saying that it is confused, loves both man and does not want to hurt or leave any of them.I don't know anymore what to think. I need to make a decision asap as I don't want to hurt anyone. Man no. 2 does not know anything about the issue I have with man no. 1 which makes me feel very guilty. I would be very grateful to hear your point of you as I don't know anyone to talk to about this matter.

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My mind says that I should split up with man no. 1 and man no. 2, move back to my home country and start a brand new life.

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This is the best option, it gives you the opportunity to decide what you want with less pressure fro either guy, and maybe opens the door to better options and opportunities.

Go forward, NOT backward so tell your heart to shut up, and follow your mind on this one. Do what you want, and don't just cave to what they want, and if you are single, there is no guilt, and if you leave them both alone, all of you can lick old wounds, and heal, and move on.

And you don't have to string anyone along while you decide, or keep cheating on guy#2, with guy#1. Yes that is cheating what you were doing. So cut them both loose, and proceed without them.

Break up with both of them. Get your life together, since it seems like you have no idea what it is that you actually want. After you figure that out all on your own, look for a partner that is happy with what you offer, that makes you happy with what he offers, and that are both able to communicate and share the same goals.

I agree with the rest of the members here Break up with them both..

You have gotten yourself into one messy situation.. All your fault by the way. But anyway
My advice save you from pain.. GO back home and start new.
And this time if you are with someone and you really find the need to go with someone else.. tell the guy.

Oh and by the by. A more or less happy relationship.. is not a relationship.

Hope this tought you a lot about yourself and what you want out of life.

And this is all about you, right?

When you were with man #1, you cheated twice on him. Then you end the relationship, and start a new one with man #2. Now you are cheating on man#2, with man #1. You may not be sleeping with man #1, but you are thinking about, and talking about leaving man #2, to go back to man #1. That is cheating.

It is also deceiptful, and involves lying, and playing two men off against each other. While you try to make up your mind what to do, you are stringing two men along. I wonder what you are spinning with Man #1 to keep him interested in another chance at a relationship with you.

If you really want to do the right thing, let these men go, return to your country and live out your dreams of a better job, on your own.

Hello everyone who has answered to my question(s)!

I am very grateful for your responses. They helped me a lot in my thinking process and at the end you have undermined the thought I already had somewhere in my mind.

It must have sound very selfish what I wrote but in the end it was right to say that I behaved irresponsable and kind of heartless.

I have decided to move back to my home country and leave both men behind me in order to start a new life. I have to be on my own for a while to get a better understanding about myself.

Thank you again for your time and your words!

Wish you all the best!

Xxx