Ask Me Help Desk - What should I do?

Ok so I'm bi and my ex is too... the problem is that I'm 18 and she's 14. Her parents do not like me because they say that I'm a bad influence on their daughter and do not want me to talk to her anymore. About a week ago her dad caught her on the phone with me and made her get off the phone. She emailed me saying that her dad read our text messages to each other stating that what we talk about every now and then is very inappropriate... by the way her parents are very religious. So after he took her phone, she told me that we have to break up since we can't talk to each other again (well until she's 18 so her parents can't really tell her who she can and cannot talk to) and I tried to convince her that I won't be inappropriate again then she said she couldn't do it and I said OK, we should stay friends... so we continued emailing each other then I asked her do you want to be a couple and she said yes do you? And I said yes then she told me let's be a couple again it's too hard to be your friend when I love you so much.

So things were going pretty good until last weekend where her dad caught her texting me... this time he told her mom about it and they both told her that we should stop talking to each other. Last weekend, she said we really have to break up this time and that she can't get her phone back this time. She emailed me saying that she told her parents that she was bi and they are having a hard time accepting that and we have to break up for real this time and she's sorry that it has to end this way and she will always love me...

I took it hard at first but then I was OK with it. I needed closure before I moved on so I emailed her asking if she wants to get back together once she's 18 and she told me yes (she wants me to be her wifey when we get older but that's a whole different story... lol) After that she went a week without contact and I was hurt. Last Thursday I talked to my mom about the situation (she was really cool about it) She told me that she doesn't care if I'm a lesbian or bi but what bothers her is the age difference and she told me that I only like her cause she told me that she liked me first but she made me feel better about myself.

So I sent my ex a have a nice life email saying well... have a nice life lol and sorry for disrespecting your parents and you for keep contacting you and can we still remain friends. On Monday, she texted me saying I forgive you and we can still be friends. I texted her back asking how has she been and replied fine I guess but and I said I feel much better after talking to my ma. So I asked her is she really OK and she said I don't know... I asked do she want to talk about it and she said no thanks. So I texted her OK then good night.

But I can tell she's hurting so I continued to text her asking does she still love me and she replied yes I always will. And I was being nosy asking did she have a boyfriend or girlfriend and she said no but I told her that I just found out that my friend is bi and I don't know what to do since I used to like her (I know at this point that I was being a jerk and I didn't mean to do that to her.. ) so she just said oh OK and I asked her does she want to get back together when she's legal and she said she does. I have no idea why I have trouble believing her... I have trust issues and I want to believe her but sometimes time changes people and I'm afraid that I will lose her forever.

We continued talking and I told her that I missed her a whole lot and she said I miss you and that things have gotten worse for her since she has stopped talking to me... I don't know what to do. I would love to be there for her because I love her very much and I know that she loves me a bunch too but we can't be together because her parents do not like me and what not.

I want to know if I should just wait for things to change or fight to be with her. She is worth the wait, we have been there for each other since we've met. But its very difficult to stay together when every time she texts me or calls me, her dad finds out somehow and takes her phone... Should I wait until she's of age or move on with my life and don't look back? I haven't talked to her since Monday too.

We're in love, I only want the best for her and she told me that I am her other half

You need to leave her alone before you end up in prison for parental interference. The age difference in this relationship is inappropriate, and her parents have already told you to leave their child alone.

Really, OK let's start with the facts, think about this logically
Your 18, an adult, ready to start you life, go to college, join the
Military, get a job, start clubbing, get place of your own pay bills, be a gainful part of society.

Her 14, a child, no responsibility, take an hour to figure out what shoes to wear to school, big decisions like what do I make my parents buy me next, I am sure
She is on a emotional and sexual rollercoaster not knowing where she will end up
I hate to say this but it may just be a phase for her, she may meet a boy and never want to be a lesbian again or may never want to be with a boy ever again but at 14 it's going to take along time for her to figure it out.

Your 18, you need to get on with your life without her and work on making your life choices.

If you continue to contact her in any form after her parents have forbidden the relationship they can have you criminally charged with parental interference.

I'd stay away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jack_of_all

Really, ok let's start with the facts, think about this logically ... I hate to say this but it may just be a phase for her, she may meet a boy and never want to be a lesbian again or may never want to be with a boy ever again but at 14 it's going to take along time for her to figure it out.

Your 18, you need to get on with your life without her and work on making your life choices.

She's not a lesbian. She's bi. There's a big difference.

I am going to leave her alone, I do not want to go to jail or anything. But I do not think that it's a phase because she told me that she is really in love with me. I'll move on and enjoy my life. But I know that I will see her when she's 18 because she goes to the same school as my sister and will graduate with her. I guess I was just blinded by love to see the real issue...

Pretty much everything we do at 14 is a phase. Are you the same person at 18 that you were at 14. She won't be either. You really need to let this relationship go, it is completely immature and unhealthy, and could cost you your freedom.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusing_love

I am going to leave her alone, I do not want to go to jail or anything. But I do not think that it's a phase because she told me that she is really in love with me. I'll move on and enjoy my life. But I know that I will see her when she's 18 because she goes to the same school as my sister and will graduate with her. I guess I was just blinded by love to see the real issue...

I'm a little bit concerned about the age difference. I understand why she's attracted to you. I don't understand why you are attracted to her.

Unfortunately, no one feels the same at 18 that they did at 14 - or I should say nobody I know.

Leave her alone as you a step away from being a pedophile.

Leave this girl alone, you will get closure when you get over her, which you will accomplish with time. However, the age difference will manage to get you in trouble real quick.

I am not physically attracted to her. We started as friends and then she caught feelings for me because I was nice and always joking around with her. She would tell me her secrets and I would give her advice. My first semester of college was rough for me and she was there for me the entire time, that was why I considered going out with her. When someone is there for you, don't you get attached to them somehow?

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusing_love

I am not physically attracted to her. We started off as friends and then she caught feelings for me because I was nice and always joking around with her. She would tell me her secrets and I would give her advice. My first semester of college was rough for me and she was there for me the entire time, that was why I considered going out with her. When someone is there for you, don't you get attached to them somehow?

Attached, yes. Fall in love, no. If you are NOT physically attracted to her I would tell her now. You are stringing her along.

When I was 14 would I take advice from an 18 year old? No. When I was 18 would I seek a 14-year old to be "there for me?" No.

I told her that I wasn't physically attracted to her but when I went out with her I learned to love everything about her. I loved her personality first before everything else fell into place. There's a whole lot more to the story but I left the girl alone, we will always love each other. Everything happened kind of fast anyway. Our parents were friends so she used to come over all the time and hang out but her parents didn't like that she gave me all of her attention. I would try to go about my business but she would follow me or stare at me. I just liked the attention but I took it too far. But its not as bad as other stories I read about like a guy is 24 while the girl is 16. I was hoping to hear that I should stay in touch and when she's 18, we could get back together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusing_love

I told her that I wasnt physically attracted to her but when I went out with her I learned to love everything about her. I loved her personality first before everything else fell into place. There's a whole lot more to the story but I left the girl alone, we will always love each other. Everything happened kinda fast anyways. Our parents were friends so she used to come over all the time and hang out but her parents didnt like that she gave me all of her attention. I would try to go about my business but she would follow me or stare at me. I just liked the attention but I took it too far. But its not as bad as other stories I read about like a guy is 24 while the girl is 16. I was hoping to hear that I should stay in touch and when she's 18, we could get back together.

It's not as bad as when the girl is 8 and the guy is 18... but that has nothing to do with your situation other than the "I'm bad but he/she is worse" defense.

On one hand you love her; on the other you aren't attracted to her. I don't know if you understand your own feelings.

What does "you took it too far" mean? You can still be arrested for statutory rape if a sexual act was involved. I'm sure you know that.

I truly do love her. What I meant by "I took it too far" is that I shouldn't have went out with her and should've remained her friend.

Well this is a long story... lol.

I am 18 and bisexual and my ex girlfriend is 16 and a lesbian. Her parents don't like the fact that she's a lesbian but they're dealing with it. They're fine with her going out with other girls but they don't like the fact that Im 18. They think I only want one thing from her, which is not true.

Back in June, her mother had her phone and my text message popped up and at the time we were talking about something explicit... lol. She figured that it was her girlfriend and that's when she explained to her that it was me (we have a history together, I knew her and her parents before we were a couple.) and what it was like to be with me. Her mother still told her to break up with me. This usually happens every 4 months when we get caught together but we normally just get back together the next day. This time it was different.

She told me that she loves me but she don't want to do us until she gets older. So I felt bad and she felt bad for a couple of days but then she started acting differently. We talked on the phone that night and she pretended like she was her friend, desirae. I said who's this and she said melissa's , desirae. I got upset and asked who that was and she said that she was just a "friend". A couple of days later, she calls me one night and her friend was over her house and she asked melissa who she was talking to and said desirae. She said no and I ignored them and continued to have a conversation with melissa which turned out to get sexual... lol. The next day, she tells me that she has something to tell me and she told me that desirae is her girlfriend. I knew that something was up and I kind of got upset.

She volunteered at this 2 week overnight camp and can't use their cell phones while there. So the night before, she was telling me that she loves me, misses me, going to think about me while she's there and that she regrets breaking up with me and don't want to hurt desirae by breaking up with her to go back out with me. I told her that Im going to miss her and think about her too and I love her.

The first couple of days, whe was all I could think about, then by the third day, I heard our song on the radio, and I started crying. After that I was fine, kept busy, and didn't think about her that much until the two weeks were up and she texted me saying hey I haven't talked to you in awhile and I missed you. Which brought back allllll of those old feelings...

I try to be there for her when her girlfriend does something wrong. But she doesn't want to get back together right now... so my friend asked her which one of us supports her and take care of her wants and needs and she said that I do. I don't get that though.. She also told her that we had sex and jokingly said that I was pregnant (girls can't get other girls pregnant... lol.) So my ex texts me and asked if I was pregnant and I said noo lol and she said you and I got upset... I didn't do anything wrong. And I didn't text her back and that's when she apologized talking about she don't like to be lied to...

We've been arguing a lot and I talked to her the other day asking if she wants to get back together and she said no. I asked do we have a chance though and she said if I just wait, maybe we'll have a chance and then she had to go. I texted her asking how do we have chance if you don't want to get back together and she said I said that? Are you sure I said that? And I said yes, bt don't worry, I'm done. I deserve better and someone who would appreciate all that I do for them and that I don't need her either (she told my friend that she never needed me... ) she didn't reply. But 4 hours later, I told her that I felt bad and wish things didn't get this bad... she replies the next day saying that I hurt her feelings and she guess she deserves it. I told her that she doesn't really deserve it but I don't deserve to get hurt this way either.

She said OK I want to be friends but maybe some day get back together... with me, Im just like either you want to stay friends or we're going to be together, don't try to get my hopes up... so now its kind of awkward talking to her. I still care for her and love her deeply and want us to work out but I just want to know if I should stick around or cut contact with her and move on?

Btw... we were together for 11 months, we broke up 2 weeks before our anniversary and we've been broken up for 2 months now.

It sounds like your ex wants to keep you on the back burner while she has a look around at other people. Having phone sex with you (or at least sexual conversations over the phone) while she has another girlfriend shows that she doesn't know what she wants so she's trying to have it all. I think for your own happiness, you would do best to move on. If you wait for her, hanging onto the hope that she'll come back to you, and she never does, you'll just be prolonging the heartbreak (and possibly missing out on someone better).

Leave her alone. You should not have been messing with her against her parents wishes any way.
She is young and is getting flack from her parents and probably met someone closer to her age.
Go NC don't have any more contact with her.

Is the 14 year old from March different from the 16 year old now? If not, you better leave these kids alone period.