Sorry this is so long and crazy. I am 22, wife is 21. I know we are too young. We have been together 4 years. She is a wonderful wife... Mostly. She has lied to me over the years too much. Two months ago we were having pretty bad problems and were drifting apart, I wasn't being the best husband, she wasn't good either.
She started going off with her brother daily to his boyfriend's house and to her grandma's, which is right up the road. That became a very big problem with me ( knew she was lying sometime).
We had plans to go out xmas eve after she got done with her family. She never called that day. I knew she lied about being with her family.
We were on a "break" and she calls me from the hospital and says she is pregnant!
That was fine with me, but I looked closer into her story and she had been seeing a guy for 1 month. She denied it and got so angry with me when I would question her about it. Anyway I said OK and she finally told me that she was "talking" to him for 1 1/2 months.
She said she was just looking for a friend cause we were having problems. Well first she lied to me many times over 2 months. She said xmas was the only time she went to his house. She claims that they were just friends. I find this guy and he ends up telling me that they had sex on xmas. She denies it to the end and says its my baby and again gets mad to talk about it. Anyway I am sticking around because she needs me, the baby will need me cause that jerk isn't coming around, and I truly believe she loves me. I just can't get over this because I don't know the truth, I try to believe her and move on either way cause I am trying to be a good man/husband. He sent nude pics to me of her for proof, she took those for me! It hurts so bad but I can't even show her that I am hurt cause she is pregnant and the baby isn't doing good.
Now she claims that he sexually assaulted her and she filed a restraining order on him. I want to believe her but after being lied to for years and daily for 2 months and all the mental abuse and torture when she was the one who was lying. Someone please help me. I want to stay with her but I really think I need the truth before I can move on. This story is way more complex than this, any advice or questions are welcomed.

My first thought is, that if the boyfriend went to the trouble to man up and tell you he slept with her Christmas Eve, and then send further proof, the restraining order she managed to get sounds more like she wanted to stop him from telling the truth, and it had nothing to do with him abusing her in any way.

People who sleep around on their partners, don't have a problem with it, until their partner finds out. Seems she really wants this guy to just shut the hell up. Claiming sexual assault? She knows how to use the system.

You are going to need a DNA test when the baby is yours, because I assume there is a chance you could be the father.

Is it fair to say that she pursued this other man, and not the other way around? Have there been other men?

No partnership can survive without the truth. Without it, you are left with lingering doubt, and questions about motives, that will eat away at you, until, once again, things don't add up, and you start all over again trying to find the truth, when you shouldn't have to look in the first place.

Do you have any children with her?

You do have options, and the first option, is to stop believing her lies. You could consider separating until the baby is born, and you know who the father is. You could insist on couples counselling to work out the truth, and get to the problems in the relationship. But only after you are certain she is serious, and willing to change. Her showing up for counselling doesn't mean squat. Her participating, does.

If you decide she is not the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, whether the baby is yours or not, then end it. Maybe this pregnancy, and all that has followed is simply the final straw.

If the baby turns out to be yours, you wouldn't be the first man to support and raise his child under shared custody. If the baby is not yours, it is not your responsibility to provide any support.

You don't have to be a victim here.

Jake gave good advice... do NOT get duped into NOT getting DNA testing done. That way the real father will have to pay support even if you do end up raising the child if it proves not to be yours..

Thanks for the advise guys. I needed some.
I accadently just deleted my whole response so I will get back to you soon.
Thanks again for the help.

First and most important: Do you think that it would bring out the truth in couples counceling. Seems that the councelor would not be trying to expose lies. That would be nice I knew one way or the other like you said.
Answer... Of course she says that he is crazy over her and she made a mistake for even seeing him (he is crazy tho). She didn't make a report of sexual assalt just regular harassment... I also think that it is just to keep him from talking. But when it comes up in court the truth will most likely come out, or he could just say that he slept with her to make it look better for him, I'm guessing it will just come out.

Anyway, no we don't have kids she is just pregnant.
That is very good advice I am going to have a DNA either way... but I didn't think of the fact that he would owe child support if it was his. But if I do decide to stay I would be there for the child in every way. If I'm going to do something, especially a devotion this big, I will give it all I got. I am a guy with a very strong love for people... I love others more than I do myself.
So whether she cheated or not, whether its my baby or not, if she want me or not... she needs me and I care for that child. It is innocent and deserves to live and be healthy when it is born. I couldn't let it get hurt or die ( already has high chance of miscarrage) just cause his/her mom is crazy, liar, cheater. So if for nothing else I am staying so that baby stays safe... she is so young and truly needs me to direct her and be there for her.
I just want to know how to deal with my thoughts and be happy, just started anti-deppresants.
And the marriage counselling is a very good idea either way. Whether it will bring out truth or not. Im on low budget right now though.

I am in the same boat and searching for answers on how to cope and not have an effect on the baby. Wife of five years, 1 child, pregnant again and found out she has cheated since we got married. The children are mine, but coping with betrayal without stressing the baby is driving me insane.

Any further developments on your side.

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Originally Posted by sethrich89

First and most important: Do you think that it would bring out the truth in couples counceling. Seems that the councelor would not be trying to expose lies. That would be nice I knew one way or the other like you said.
Answer...Of course she says that he is crazy over her and she made a mistake for even seeing him (he is crazy tho). She didn't make a report of sexual assalt just regular harrasment... I also think that it is just to keep him from talking. But when it comes up in court the truth will most likely come out, or he could just say that he slept with her to make it look better for him, im guessing it will just come out.

Anyway, no we don't have kids she is just pregnant.
That is very good advice I am going to have a DNA either way... but I didn't think of the fact that he would owe child support if it was his. But if I do decide to stay I would be there for the child in every way. If im gonna do something, especially a devotion this big, I will give it all I got. I am a guy with a very strong love for people... I love others more than I do myself.
So whether she cheated or not, whether its my baby or not, if she want me or not... she needs me and I care for that child. It is innocent and deserves to live and be healthy when it is born. I couldn't let it get hurt or die ( already has high chance of miscarrage) just cause his/her mom is crazy, liar, cheater. So if for nothing else I am staying so that baby stays safe... she is so young and truly needs me to direct her and be there for her.
I just want to know how to deal with my thoughts and be happy, just started anti-deppresants.
And the marriage counselling is a very good idea either way. Whether it will bring out truth or not. Im on low budget right now tho.

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If its his kid... take it to court.. and he WILL be paying support... trust me...