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-   -   My boyfriend is avoiding me, help? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=640591)

  • Mar 2, 2012, 11:32 PM
    sunshine222
    My boyfriend is avoiding me, help?
    So, I've been dating my boyfriend for more than one year now and everything was going amazing until January. In January he promised me he would give me the whole weekend to us only, but decided to have a sleepover with his best guy friend. Ever since then, he's been acting cold toward me. I started getting pissed off at him, telling him why, and stuff. He got annoyed at me for always getting mad at him, and he dumped me.

    I knew I was over-reacting when I was getting mad, but I just wanted my answers on why he suddenly changed his attitude with me.
    Then, it kept happening. He broke up with me and told me he's been avoiding seeing me and talking to me because he knew I'd start a problem again.

    We got back together, I'm avoiding starting fights right now but I can feel him avoiding me. He always makes excuses why he cannot drive 30 minutes to see me, and we only can see each other 2 times a week.. And he makes excuses to avoid my phone calls, and he feels less intimate with me.

    Before, he used to annoy me to see him and I've always told him no. But now, I'm the one who's always asking him if he's going to come this time, and he tells me excuses like picking up my sister etc even though I later discovered that he would've came to me then left to pick her up since he sees me at 2 till 4 and he picks her up at 5. I don't want to lose him! Do you have any ideas how to get him interested in me again? How to spice up the relationship? He discussed marrying me and I've met his family.

    I'm 19 and he's 21. I've known him since I was 14.
  • Mar 2, 2012, 11:41 PM
    odinn7
    Honestly, it sounds like he may have met someone else. Are you sure he was with his friend that weekend? But anyway, that kind of behavior makes me think someone else besides you has his attention.
  • Mar 3, 2012, 04:56 AM
    JoeCanada76
    Is this by any chance a long distance relationship?

    It sounds like you both have your own separate lives to live. Does not sound like you are in much of a relationship.

    Sounds like you both are playing games with each other. Sounds like you do not trust him and he knows that. Maybe there is a reason why you can not trust him?

    How do you know they are excuses? Did these things and behaviors change over night or happened over time?

    He might not be interested anymore but you both need to communicate better with each other if there is to be any hope. If for some reason he does not want to be with you anymore. That would be his choice to make.

    Like I said though, does not sound like much of a relationship by either side.

    Maybe it is time to make a decision yourself on you're terms. Either you want to continue to be unsatisfied in the relationship. Being afraid to bring up anything is not a good position to be in either.

    If you can not freely work things out without it ending in break up, maybe the break up should be for good this time.

    Communication is key in any relationship if you do not have that, then it may as well be over.

  • Mar 3, 2012, 03:26 PM
    talaniman
    I don't know if its you getting carried away, or him being deceptive, but its obvious you keep quiet to keep him, and that's a really unhealthy way to have a relationship, especially since you are unhappy with the results.

    What you may be missing is that YOU need him more (a lot more) than he needs you. Sorry but you have made him a higher priority than you have made yourself, so you accept his BS, and allow his behavior because not doing so means the end.

    That's so sad to me that you don't love yourself enough to do what's right for YOU, and not him. You give but look at what you get in return. Doesn't seem fair to me that you settle for less than you deserve.

    That's not love, nor is it healthy. Comes off as needy and desperate. I think you have given your heart to someone that doesn't deserve it, appreciate it, or know what to do with it.

    Not fair! Maybe you need more than he can give, its really hard to say since you see each other a few hours everyday 5 days a week. Is he your only social outlet or something?
  • Mar 24, 2012, 01:26 PM
    RachelGirlsweet
    For one you're too young to get married right now and so is he and chances are you will go through more boyfriends before you find the one who is truly right for you and the one you will marry... obviously him breaking up with you was WRONG and that right there is enough to tell you that maybe this isn't the best relationship for you, but please don't take advice from anyone else when it comes to LOVE only you know what to do... whatever is in your heart is what you should do. But relationships that are destined to end will end in their own time no matter what either person does and they will end in their own way eventually... chances are he isn't the one your going to be with forever because both of you are too young for that kind of thing!

    Women get married because it's the right guy, men get married because it's the right time... and he is barely a man he's just 21! Goodness I was clueless when I was 19... and I thought that was it for me too... but then I grew up some and matured and realized there were other fish in the sea and I still have a lot of living to do! I wish you the best God bless you both... leave it up to God's will. And in the meantime do the best you can do and I believe if you just let things be on his terms and don't ask questions you might do better... give him time, be patient and understanding as to why he does what he does.

    If he didn't want to be with you he wouldn't. Guys don't do things unless they want to. He's a guy, and maybe he needs to see you once a week to feel content... everybody is different. If you need to see someone everyday to feel happy and content then maybe he isn't right for you. You need to ask yourself what are things you must have and want in a relationship and if he just absolutely isn't going to meet up to them then you should find someone who will cause trust me there's always someone who will! But, maybe he is doing the best he can... dont question him unless you have good reason to! Guys don't like to NOT be trusted or to have their girlfriends doubt them. Good luck

    I meant to say the ultimate decision should be yours... you can take advice from others... but please don't take ultimate advice from otheres when it comes to love... let the final decision be yours!

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