Me and my wife have been married for 11 years and dated for 16. Before marriage we both slept with other people. I had written to this person and had my girlfriend at the time, and mailed the letter with other bills. Well she invades my privacy and reads the letter and confronts me about it. So I fess up to what happened but she never comes out and said she opened my mail (I think this is against the law by the way). We have great chemistry and she hasn't given me any reason to suspect that she's been unfaithful so we get married, and I never think to inquire about how she knows I was with someone else. I think she said it was her intuition.

4 years and 3 kids into the marriage she confesses that she had slept with someone that same year. She told me God led her to tell me. Wow! Anyway fast forward to Facebook. I leave my page up. Mind you there's nothing inappropriate but old friends find me and my wife upset, "Oh so you're talking to her again". An old college friend I knew before my wife, calls me so I talk to her briefly and when I hang up my wife is like " You're not going to disrespect me." Mind you I'm not a disrespectful person.

Long story short... Now I protect myself at all times and do everything in private on the computer, which is mainly look at ESPN. I also lock my phone because it seems that leaving a Facebook page up or talking on the phone in my home has caused problems 9 years into marriage. This had made me put a lot of energy into protecting my privacy. I love my wife but I'm not in love with her. These conflicts have revealed to me that she is suspicious, accusing, and doesn't respect my privacy. I feel like she interrogated me before we got married about sleeping with someone all the while she knowingly concealed that she did the same thing.

Did I marry under false pretense?

Once the foundation of marriage or any relationship cracks or shows signs of stress it is time to evaluate what you have and what you want. Whether you want to work on straightening it out and grow together or you don't, otherwise it will continue to weaken. And obviously trust is something that you need to have grow if it is to work.

If you think that you want to work on it then have a 'sit down' and start talking. Getting good professional help is always a good idea but you both need to be in the right mindset for it to progress.

Stringer

I don't think you married under false pretenses, you just hid a lot about what you were doing, and you're mad because she found out.

Lies have a way of coming up in any relationship. You seem to want an excuse to get out of a marriage with a women you admittedly aren't in love with. If that's the case then just man up, admit that you're not in love with her, and get a divorce. But don't try to make it her fault just to give you an easy out.

Sorry, you may think you're innocent, and she is suspicious, but you act suspicious protecting your privacy. I think you have let a lot of things go unintended for so many years that trust and loyalty are gone. To get it back, you both have to start being a lot more honest, and committed to each other.

It will never work with the level of disdain, and resentment you both have for each other. You both should agree to get help, and guidance.

Thanks for everyone's feedback. I never claimed I'm innocent, only human, as she is too, and I'm not uspet about what happened as for being with other people it still bothers me that she pressed me and concealed what she did mainly because she could've walked after knowing about me. I never had that option. So in my eyes it's silly me for not being suspicious, or I guess I was too trusting (lol that being young), but marriage is something I embraced whole heartedly. I also know it could be an institution of man and not of God, in business it's called a bait and switch. We're cool but I didn't sign up for cool. I guess I'm not big on excuses either, only facts so I'm not exactly trying to get out of marriage. I'm just stating I'm not in love like I once was. I've also never been one to fall in love with someone again, so maybe that will be something that happens. I also firmly believe that not knowing isn't that bad but not finding out is even worse. And finally I'm not one to blame others but if someone conceals the truth that's not necessarily being honest and she just happened to conceal the truth for some reason until after marriage. Lord knows why and if I had to lay blame I'd blame myself. If there is an easy way out of marriage let me know.

In closing I'm a very solution driven individual and now I operate in private because when I did things in the open it caused conflict. Mind you I'm not doing anything other than talking on the phone (1 time) or leaving Facebook up, harmless. I never mind her knowing who or what I'm doing. I do mind it being thrown in my face. So to prevent all this I keep things private.

Best to all, and thanks again because counseling may be an option.

Quote:

---

These conflicts have revealed to me that she is suspicious, accusing, and doesn't respect my privacy.

---

Quote:

---

I never mind her knowing who or what I'm doing. I do mind it being thrown in my face. So to prevent all this I keep things private.

---

Wait... you're upset because she looked at your fb when you left it up, but you clearly state "I never mind her knowing who or what I'm doing". What does that mean? Who you're doing? You do realize how that sounds, right?

Are you cheating? If so, why are you mad that she's suspicious? She's your wife!

My husband does the same privacy crap... it's BS!! I won't hold out for much longer. I don't have anything to hide... my fb is wide open for him and everyone else to see. HE on the other hand, shows me on his fb that it says he's married to me, but when everyone else pulls it up, it shows nothing of the sort. I keep telling him he has to change his privacy settings and he's dumb enough to think that I believe him when he says that if he does that, it opens his account up to viruses... BS!!

Men all try to hide, but they cannot! The truth ALWAYS comes out