Ask Me Help Desk - Mother, baby and now father issues

Hi there,

My current girlfriend had a little girl few years ago. She was involved with a guy (childs father) that used to lock her in, beat her, smoked weed, didn't work and still doesn't and cost her her accomdation at hospital where she works and also causing her to loose one of the babies. He hasn't been in child's life before she was born and is now trying everything to find out more like asking her friends where she is living etc etc. What's the best thing for her to do? Obviously she doesn't want him anywhere near as he wasn't nice to her etc and it wouldn't be good for the child. I need help

Until he does something destructive to property or harmful to others, there's not much you can do as far as PFA or restraining orders.

In the meantime, you need an attorney to draft a formal custody agreement giving the mother sole custody. It is a complex area of the law, and varies quite a bit from state to state, but it's the only way to be reasonably certain that he won't be able to use the child to force himself back into your girlfriend's life.

First of course why did she stay after it happened the first time? How many times has she called the police and has he been arrested for any of this? What type of evidence does she have to show the court that any of this happened?

He as the father of the child has legal rights to know where the child is and to get visitation even unless she has went to court to get any rights taken away or any order of protections in place.

I know it's a very difficult subject but just worries us both. There is no edvidence just his words against my girlfriend and her family. He tried to attack my girlfriends dad in the past in front of my girlfriend etc. I know he does have rights as a father which is another subject but she has never seen him since she was born etc, he hasn't tried to come see her even though he does know where her family live, he text girlfriend now and again saying I'm going to court to get all this sorted but nothings ever come through. But problem is she and we shouldn't have to live in fear that one day he will turn up and get all court stuff done. There's no way in hell she would ever let him see her and if she had to it would be under supervision. I have no idea why she stayed but she was young and into her drinking etc and prob was her way of dealing with things I ve been with her 6 months and I ve known her for a year and when her and her family decided to tell me these things then course I'm going to worry etc. as how would anyone react to an ex like that and him wanting to see his daughter etc he has never ever paid any money for the up keep so why should he be entitled to see her...

This is a LEGAL issue so you need to understand how the law works. He is the father and he has rights to see his child. If your girlfriend hides his child from him, she can be cited for parental kidnapping and lose the child altogether. If you aid her in hiding the child, you can be in legal trouble too.

The fact that he wasn't a part of the child's life previously, means the court will probably limit his visitation at first. But without proof that he is a danger to the child, he will get some visitation.

So she needs to go to court to establish custody ASAP.

Disregard of parental duties, obligations, or responsibilities are generally good grounds to prove to a court that someone has abandoned their rights. Especially as he knows where the family lives. Also, the court can get the phone company to hand over the texts, if he's been making threats or claiming that he will abuse the court system to cause the mother grief, it's another strike against him.

The ex may threaten that he's going to go to court and sue for visitation or attempt to gain custody, but without any evidence of support payments, attempts to contact the child, personal responsibility in helping with school supplies, clothes, or food and without any other prior interaction with their child, it's going to be an uphill battle for him, and even if he fails to convince the court that he should be allowed to start seeing his child right away, it could still end up costing him money every month.

I wouldn't worry much. Start keeping a notebook, every time he calls or sends a text message, jot down when it occurred and what was said. Ask her parents if they can recall any conversations they had with him about the child, and what, if anything, they remember about them. I'd also suggest that should he call anyone else for information or to attempt to make contact, that you direct them to inform him to speak to her directly, to better consolidate all the info and make sure that he's not lying or playing people against one another.

If she is activley hiding her location and the child's location she can go to prison for parental kidnapping. She needs to get this through the courts and get everything settled. The games she is playing right now is very dangerous for the child as if she goes to prison then he gets the child. Think about that as motivation to do things the legal way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jayman419

Disregard of parental duties, obligations, or responsibilities are generally good grounds to prove to a court that someone has abandoned their rights.

While I don't disagree with that, it is NOT a significant impediment to visitation. Courts, in my experience, lean towards having children know both parents. And they will consider that a parent has realized abandoning a child is wrong. They will start slow with visitation, but they will allow it unless it can be proven the parent is a danger to the child.

Also, if you read carefully, the child is being hidden from the father.