My boyfriend of a little over 5 years has been unemployed for 2 years now. He does not collect unemployment; his income is from his parents. They give him enough for rent and any other bill for the month, with some left over for him to use how he wants. He reads or plays video games all day, and at least once a week he goes out with his friends.

He's applied to only a handful of jobs but has never followed up on any of them. I have talked with him about this, and he says he's just in a rut and asks me to just be there for him. I feel that I have been, and very patiently, have told him a few times that I won't end up supporting him for the rest of his life and that I've thought about moving out. Though I wouldn't want to break up with him, he is a really great guy, I just don't know what else to do.

I think he has gotten comfortable, and his parents are only enabling him. Everyone tells me to move out and just end it with him. Even if I could make up my own mind I don't have any place to go, and I can't afford a place on my own either. I am a bit old school. I think that the man should take care of the woman, but I know that in today's economy you need 2 incomes to just make it by.

I have a full-time job and occasionally find side work that I can do. When the holiday season comes around, I get a seasonal position just so I can put food on the table. I am able to contribute only so much being that I have a lot of health issues, and feel bad that I can't contribute more.

Am I over reacting? Should I just keep my thoughts to myself and let him get through this? Do I leave him? Or do I say something again to him? I will be thankful and appreciative for any input or opinion.

Dear little sister 83; 10 days ago you had a problem with a best friend and now it seems the real underlying problem is with your boyfriend! Apparently you care too much for others whilst neglecting your own health issues. Not only that but you also enable people around you not to stand on their own two feet. Supportive, reliable and caring as you are; there are consequences when people; regardless of the relationship, take a kindness too far.

Now for example, in this case; after two years of unemployment, playing games and lounging around; what happens is, the mind of this person does lose confidence and goes into a rut and starts to accept income from his parents and his partners support etc. although perhaps not at first but later accepts it as the normal practise. It's the beginning of being drained of your energy, time, emotions and finances etc. Thus sooner or later you too will accept his laziness as normal and spiral down even further with your health.

As a partner you see that his parents enable him yet are oblivious to enabling him yourself and seem powerless, because love is blind. You even wish you were able to contribute more! That is where we start making excuses for not leaving because as you say; I don't have any place to go and I can't afford a place on my own.

Although not every bad situation in life requires us to leave, but it does require us to ask serious questions about ourselves, our values; such as being old school, goals and dreams, after this two year period. Does it not?

Hardships will come and go throughout life; but it is a test of character in how the person rises up to overcome these hardships. Some play video games; while other really great guys get a job!

Big Sister 63

Two years is too long a time to sit unemployed. Tell me, why would your boyfriend look for a job when you and his parents are providing everything for him? You must coax him by love, force, bribing whichever works to get him to find a job.

Dear littlesister83, you cannot sacrifice yourself for a guy who's just too lazy to work. If right now you cannot move out, then tell him that there will be no food for him unless he earns. Or if possible involve his parents. Ask them to lower or completely cut off his allowance.

He's right now perfectly at ease with the current situation, to get him to seriously hunt for a job, you'll have to let him face some adversity. And under no circumstances let your health spiral down. Your health is much more important then your boyfriend.

Look around and find something that makes you independent of him, and gives you a place to stay that you can maintain. Like a place with a room mate with better job prospects than he has. Got a friend who is struggling like you are?