I have been maried for 20 years.. we are seprated now its been 1 year since the sepration.. she kept saying I needed to change things and I was standoffish.. I had sex with her here and there but never fixed anything.we gave each other ous space.. then I found out she was seeing someone and I was devistated.. now I had something click in my head and I want her back badley and I want to fix everything.. I'm in so much pain and the thought of losing her forever devistates me... please help.. now she told me she doesn't love me anymore and wants to see what happens with the new guy

Painful situation... did you "see the light" once you heard that she was interested in someone else? Unfortunately it is not uncommon for couples to delay tending to their relationship, until they see that the other person could in fact move on without them.

All you can do at this point is let her know how you feel and what you would like to change. It would then be up to her to decide whether she wants to work at it along with you or take some more time on her own.

I am sorry that you are having to go through this, but you can't make someone feel what they don't feel. Focus on making those changes you believe need to be done. Work at making yourself the sort of person you know you should be. In time, maybe she will change her mind... then you will be ready to rebuild. If she doesn't, you will be ready to begin a new, healthy relationship with someone else.

In the meantime, as you make changes in yourself, surround yourself with support from family and friends.