I can't stop cheating on girls! Help!
Hello
I know I'm going to little sympathy here and the topic makes me sound like a horrible person but I really believe that I'm not. I have every other part of my life in line with how I feel it should be but I just can't fall in love with girls and for the sake of sounding ridiculous it's the only thing I want out of life ahead of money or job status etc, just to be madly in love with a woman who loves me as much as I do her. Please only constructive answers here as I already know how disgusting my behavior is.
In sept 2010 I went on holiday to Italy with a friend for 3 weeks, I had a girlfriend back home at the time. Within a few days I had met a local girl and she came back to my hotel and we spent the night having sex. Now here lies the problem, instead of jet counting my blessings, feeling guilty for cheating on my girlfriend and getting on with my life I for some reason found it necessary to convince this girl that I was now in love with her and that I never wanted to be with another girl. I don't know why I do this but I do it every single time and I hate it! Maybe because I don't want her to go with other guys, which I know is ridiculous as I have no real emotional connection with her anyway. So I guess this girl was fairly naïve and believe my bull**** and tells me a few days later that she loves me too. My friend who was with me is the nicest guy in the world and completely opposite to me asked me why I do this and I just couldn't come up with an answer.
Anyway, so I left Italy and went home and promised that girl that I would keep in touch and even come back to see her. I get home and carry on with my girlfriend whilst keeping contact with the other. After a few months I broke up with the girlfriend after she constantly accused me of cheating, and she was right, and actually went back to Italy and moved in with the girl I met there! Mental, I know!
The second I walked out of the airport and saw her standing there I realized it was a huge mistake. The holiday time we spent was perfect as it was just the perfect crime and there was a time constraint allowing me to exit the situation had built for myself. This was just wrong. I moved into a flat with her and got a job etc. The first few weeks were fine but I knew I had no feelings for her but kept pretending I did, yes I know I'm horrible. Meanwhile I was going out with work mates every weekend without, even most week nights and meeting other girls and sometimes sleeping with them, then the cycle started again.
I met a girl and told her I wanted to be her boyfriend, even though I was living with this other girl who thought I was her boyfriend! She obliged and we had a steady sexual relationship when I could manage to make a plausible excuse to my 1st girlfriend why I was always going out at night without her. I told the 2nd one that I couldn't bing guests back to my house as I was living with a guest family. So stupid but she had no reason to doubt me as I seemed so sincere. Again, yeah I know...
This happened 2, 3, 4 then 5 times when it got to the point that I was juggling 5 girlfriends at the same time! Its insane. I couldn't go out in public anywhere with any of them for fear of being spotted by another or their family/ friends. I would literally attend family dinners and birthdays etc with each girl as their boyfriend and met all their parents, but for some reason I just didn't feel guilty even though I know it's so wrong?!
Valentines day has just gone and that was a nightmare as you can imagine! I told a few of them I was out of the country for a few days on work so couldn't see them and stayed in with the girl I live with as she was becoming more suspicious and increasingly annoyed by how little I kissed her, had sex etc. Now I've 'returned' from my trip they are all on my case again breaking my balls about why I don't answer calls, see them etc. Anyway that's not really point.
I just want some advice on how I can stop or at least control this peculiar and damaging addiction I have for duping women into falling in love with me when I don't really love them?? I know I don't deserve help but I don't know who to talk to as everyone I tell just finds it funny as a joke or seriously unfunny and dismiss me. I just want true love! Thanks guys
