My husband and his coworkers message each other funny pictures of breasts and genitals, etc. I've already expressed how I don't agree with this behavior. (in his defense one woman is a lesbian) Anyway I'm able yo see yhe messages from yhe pictire mail website and on valentines day he sent a message of a cartoon character holding his huge penis (this was the character that the girls in the office call him) I don't want to seem like a snoop or a nag but this is way beyond inappropriate for me. I don't even know how I would bring it up :( am I over reacting here?

Well honey I don't think I would like that if it was my husband. First of just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean she's not bisexual. If you trust your man we wouldn't be talking about it. That's out of line to me and playing all of the time can build a extra relationship outside of work she shouldn't be on his mind at all exspecially when he's not at work. I she has a child you know she hasn't always been gay.. put it this way tooo much

Are they sending pictures of themselves or just "funny" pictures that they are forwarding from other sources? If that's all it is then yeah, you're over reacting to the whole thing. If it's pictures of themselves then that's a different story.

Anyway, assuming it's pics from other sources, you need to relax. It happens all over and it's not abnormal and it doesn't mean anything is wrong or bad. People do this all the time through email or texts.

If you find a way to bring it up, then you would have to relinquish that you were snooping... big BUT.. why were you snooping in the first place?

I somewhat agree with Odinn, but then it was innappropriate and makes you wonder what goes on during office time.

No you aren't over-reacting.

Their humor seems a bit juvenile for the workplace, but it doesn't sound like they are doing anything more than 'telling jokes'. Even the cartoon nickname seems more in jest rather than serious. More playful than flirting.

Do you have an issue with the pictures/cartoons in general or that he is sharing this humor with other people (primarily other women, I gather)? If his coworkers were all male, would you have the same issues?

Why do you look when you know the pictures/cartoons they share, are going to upset you? If they are in a main folder that you also use, can they be moved to their own place so that you aren't subjected to them?

You have explained to him why you don't like this behavior. He continues to participate. You can sit down with and explain again why you have are uncomfortable. Without 'confronting' him, ask him to see it from your side. Attempt to see the situation from his side. You don't have to like it, but it might give you insight on how you can work together to find a compromise.

Like any issue in a marriage, discuss it. If you can't find a suitable compromise and this is affecting the rest of your relationship, you might consider marriage counseling.

I assume there are other issues in your marriage that you discuss. This is simply another problem you need to talk about and try to come to a middle road decision that you and he can both live with.

As far as the woman being lesbian, I don't see any connection. Inappropriate behavior is just that - inappropriate whether a person is straight, bi, gay.

I think this is the stuff middle school is made of - can't imagine adults spending their time searching out raunchy cartoons to send to each other.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I think this is the stuff middle school is made of - can't imagine adults spending their time searching out raunchy cartoons to send to each other.

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LOL! You would think so but it happens. You have to see the place I currently work. They are all "adults" but you wouldn't believe how juvenile the majority act. Sometimes I find it amusing but...

I think you have good morals, and you should stick by what you believe in your heart to be correct. If the situation is bothering you, then you need to talk to your husband. Don't let these kind of things be okay, cause then it's going to continue. About a year ago a couple of family members wanted to show me a bad picture on their cell phone at a family get together, and I told them I don't like that kind of stuff. That's discusting! My family member said "excuse me Saint Jenny!" but I didn't care, I held strong to how I feel about certain things and how I want to show my own children to stand up firm in their beliefs, even if the whole crowd is aggainst you. So stand firm, and good luck with everything.

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Originally Posted by jenny4602

I think you have good morals, and you should stick by what you believe in your heart to be correct. If the situation is bothering you, then you need to talk to your husband. Don't let these kind of things be okay, cause then it's going to continue. About a year ago a couple of family members wanted to show me a bad picture on their cell phone at a family get together, and i told them i don't like that kind of stuff. that's discusting! My family member said "excuse me Saint Jenny!" but i didn't care, I held strong to how i feel about certain things and how i want to show my own children to stand up firm in their beliefs, even if the whole crowd is aggainst you. So stand firm, and good luck with everything.

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I think there's a difference between family members (or friends, for that matter) showing "bad" pictures on their cell phones and your husband exchanging "disgusting" pictures with coworkers.

When it's a family member - or a friend - it's an easy matter to take a stand and walk away, leave them to do whatever they think is appropriate. When it's your husband you can't say whatever you have to say and walk away because you have to live with the behavior.

How would you handle this situation if your husband were involved?

There is another issue here. Sexual harassment is a problem in the workplace. And if his company becomes aware of these practices, especially if someone complains, they all could be fired. This would be especially true if they are using company facilities (phones, e-mail accounts, etc.) to send this stuff.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

There is another issue here. Sexual harassment is a problem in the workplace. And if his company becomes aware of these practices, especially if someone complains, they all could be fired. This would be especially true if they are using company facilities (phones, e-mail accounts, etc.) to send this stuff.

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Excellent point, one I overlooked. Good info.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

There is another issue here. Sexual harassment is a problem in the workplace. And if his company becomes aware of these practices, especially if someone complains, they all could be fired. This would be especially true if they are using company facilities (phones, e-mail accounts, etc.) to send this stuff.

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However, she still has no control over her husband's actions. She can make her feelings known and ask him to think about any possible work consequences, but she can't force him to stop.

The worse she can do is give him an ultimatum of leaving him if he doesn't stop. Perhaps proposing counseling if this is causing issues in the marriage. However, she is limited to controlling her own actions.

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

However, she still has no control over her husband's actions. She can make her feelings known and ask him to think about any possible work consequences, but she can't force him to stop.

The worse she can do is give him an ultimatum of leaving him if he doesn't stop. Perhaps proposing counseling if this is causing issues in the marriage. However, she is limited to controlling her own actions.

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Agreed but I would be darn sure he knew that he was tapdancing around a harassment charge. Maybe would shock him awake. Maybe it won't - but it might give him pause.

And would his behavior go underground? Possibly. This is possibly a much bigger/different problem than OP realizes.

Your husband and his co workers sound like a bunch of hormonal teenagers. He's lucky no one has not reported this raunchy behavior.
You need to talk to him about your feelings about this. Perhaps counseling would help him see your side. I don't know why any mature married man would find this appropriate.

Absolutely not overreacting! It's lame, inappropriate, and since you have stated that it makes you uncomfortable, totally selfish of him to carry on with this. I mean, really? Is acting like a 18 year old frat boy worth making your spouse uncomfortable? Hate to say this, but you may need to question the morals of someone like this. Nothing about it is funny or entertaining. In fact if someone pulled this nonsense around me at work, I sure as hell would not deal with it. The women partaking in his lame activities have zero respect for the fact that this is a married man, but then again... neither does he, right?

Don't bend, don't accept something that makes your uncomfortable.